If I were an anthropologist as I wanted to be, my current thesis would be “The perceived heteronormativity in Japanese and Korean boy bands.” Or it that more gender studies stuff? Anyway, I am quite fascinated by it. I mean this isn't new to me but lately as I read MC accounts from tour reports and remember all the previous instances I am amazed by how far guys can go while still maintaining their perceived heterosexuality.

Tegoshi likes getting into showers with men and apparently enjoys some discreet touching of private parts and naked hugging. He also is used to kissing on the lips once drunk and probably clinging to supposedly familiar men. He clearly enjoys male attention rather than feeling awkward like many would. But I'm sure he would never admit to bisexuality, let alone consider a homosexual relationship.

Then there's Jaejoong who also clings to his friends while drunk, kisses them. And Junsu who likes groping other guys's butts. Of course, these are just the things that got public, I'm sure there's a lot more that we don't know about. At any rate, all of that behaviour is somehow categorized as male bonding and a part of normal heterosexuality.

@темы: issues, musings

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The Hunger Games

I was really looking forward to this. It's been awhile since I liked a high budget franchise this much. The third movie was good, I was very much touched by the character development and the depth of it. The fourth was supposed to be the grand finale, the epic conclusion. The poster was perfect, the trailer was promising but... nothing happens as you expect it to.

It wasn't bad, it was just... nothing. The whole story development was very different than what I'd imagined from the trialer and there were so many things that just didn't make sense. I don't even get why Kitniss had to go on her little mission in the first place if she'd make it anyway. All of the deaths seemed so pointless, even Prim. Especially Prim. The ending was just disappointing, I guess. I was half-expecting the old Animal Farm trope and it seemed like it was going that way but in the end it wasn't that, it was just like... wat? A part of me is glad about the ending. I was glad the characters I liked lived and found happiness. Except it didn't feel natural. I mean that domestic bliss... Rather getting a good end, I was expecting a powerful end, no matter how tragic.

@темы: movies

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I got it

I finally got my wage for the 1st part of the project. It's not really big money but for me it's a lot, more than I ever made. And then, of course it's nice knowing I am valued and my work has a good cause.

I brought myself flowers and candy. Made a little celebration. It's just one months but it means so much to me, I feel like a functional, even capable adult. It's not easy but I can clearly see how much progress I've made. Just this once, I can be proud of myself.

@темы: milestone

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Wild Mood Swings

It seems like lately I have a pattern of 3 recurring mood stages:

Stage 1: I am deeply annoyed and angry for no particular reason and everything just makes me bitter

Stage 2: I don't give a single shit about anything, good or bad

Stage 3: I am overly excited about something, usually fandom stuff

As a good tradition, after being excited for a few hours and not finding any outlet for it, I pass onto Stage 1.

@темы: myself

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X-23

When I started playing Marvel Heroes I didn't really get what having a "main" meant. Hell, I didn't get it even after a year. But somehow, unbeknownst to me, Laura became my main. I guess it's a melee thing. Rather than mages who are cool or complex universal heroes like Rogue I always end up with those who are simple to play and have good survivability. At any rate, X-23 is now my girl. The only one who made it past the trial and the only one I took to raids.

So I decided I might as well do my research and read the actual comic books. After all, I even translated 2 of them. The series had 22 issues and looked weirdly contrasting with several artists working on different issues. However, my favourite was definitely Sana Takeda, a Japanese female. It looks very manga-like stylistically. I also found out that the it was written by Marjorie Liu, Marvel's only major female writer. Danni Shinya Luo who made the Issue#1 cover is also female. But anyway, I quite enjoyed them. Sure, the plots were quite lame and crazy, but the main ideas and the relationships, those were really good. I finished the main series and followed Laura to Avengers Academy which I also happened to translate although they were early issues. I guess I might as well finish it even though as many fans say, she's too good for it.

But that's all just details. The thing is, I like Laura. A lot. I identify with her. Which might be creepy since she's a clone designed to be an assasin. And yet... her struggle is not just that of confirming her humanity, it's a journey of self-discovery. Of finding her own path, no matter where it takes her. I like her personality. She's quiet and very rational but she's not exactly withdrawn. She doesn't shy out of human interaction, she just doesn't need much of it. And, most importantly, she is very strong and mature. She has many issues obviously but she's working on them. She makes decisions and takes full responsibility for them. I also like her relationships, especially with Gambit and Wolverine. And the way she shut this brat Helion was epic.

Also I've been rewatching Dark Angel. I wasn't planning to but all the ones I'm watching now are lagging and I don't want to pick Agents of Shield yet since it's just mid-season. Not again. Anyway, once again I feel a little smug about my good taste. The main plot is good, the mini-plots are good, the characters are good and the dialogues are good. The only thing that bugs me a little is Max. (Well, also Logan but he's perfectly realistic as the rich whiny self-indulgent white dude ) Jessica is charming as fuck but that is exactly the problem. Her personality is that of a normal girl who grew up in the suburbs, not someone who spent all of their childhood trained to be a professional assassin. Her super-intellect also looks very off. She looks more like a well-trained spy, like Black Widow, not a soldier. I mean sure, X-23 spent longer in the facility, but still 9 years is very long.

The reason I'm linking these two characters is as follows. X-23 was created in 2003, a year after Dark Angel was closed. I can't help thinking this is not a coincidence. The character origin is strikingly similar though X-23's is much grimer, and their struggle to find their humanity is similar too. But Laura's personality is much more consistent. She's very rational and very interdependent. She doesn't hesitate to kill when needed, very unlike Max. Whether there is a link or not, in my eyes, she's almost like an improved version.

@темы: series, Marvel

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Retook the Myers–Briggs test. This time I ended up with ISTJ-A. Which frankly makes a lot more sense than ISFJ coz those are supposed to be caring as fuck. But this happened coz my NATURE is almost tied. I read both and both sound familiar. ISTJ creepily describes my work style of the past month but that’s just a small part of what I am.

But the thing is in Socionics I used to identify as INTj which correlates to INTP. I guess I’m fucked when it comes to typology...

@темы: myself

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Too much text and hard shit in here lately so here's a gross gif of my OTP.

@темы: TegoShige

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Finally finished the last of 3 Memrise courses I took. It was mostly JLPT4. Only took 3,5 months and some words on it I only vaguely remember. Damn. That's really not motivating at all. I'll take a break and then try to move on to JLPT3. That one would probably take months.

@темы: 勉強

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The best part of getting older is you stop giving a fuck about shit. The worst part of getting older is you stop giving a fuck about shit.

@темы: musings, one-liner

---

I keep waiting for me to go back to the way I used to be but it's been a month and nothing's changed. Maybe I need to start thinking of reinventing myself completely. If things that used to work don't work anymore, I will have to move on and find those that do. I have no idea what to do yet but I'm not really worried. It's a creepy paradox. I'll figure it out somehow.

@музыка: Manic Street Preachers - From Despair To Where

@темы: myself

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The new solos

Overall, the solos were pretty good. Strictly in terms of NEWS solos tho. Very typical though. Like, guys, could you be any more predictable? But I liked them more than those from last tour so that's good enough.

Tegoshi's song sounded good from the first seconds. He was howling so arrogantly like "no matter how good your other solos are and how lame mine is, I'm gonna sound infinitely better". However, as the song unfurled and I heard the lyrics, it was just so fucking typical and incredible lame. How many heart-breaking love songs can one have? C'mon now. It reminds me of Ai Nante - I would like it if only I didn't know any Japanese. Sadly, I do.

Massu's was... "Oh, ok." That rapping was very unnecessary, in my opinion. Also much bad Engrish. As usual. It doesn't make much sense but then you don't expect it to because he's gonna show us some sexy moves and we won't give a fuck. It's very Massu and yet it sounds sufficiently different from the previous ones. Also so fucking catchy. Like wow how catchy. Also arrogant. “Shut up and watch me?” Rude. But amusing.

Shige’s solo is... nice. Overall, it sounds rather average, but the melody in the chorus is really pleasant. Also, as opposed to Tegoshi’s, the lyrics are beautiful. It’s hard to even compare Shige’s songs to others’ because even if they’re far from perfect, he fucking wrote them himself. He put a piece of his heart into them. Somewhat repititive compared to the last two, but still nice. Live performance highly anticipated.

Koyama’s... is bad. I’m sorry, but it’s just bad. To me all of his solos are bad to bearable. I love him but... yes.

@темы: review, NEWS.

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Still mostly numb but somewhere beneath the surface I can feel some dull emotions bubbling. I guess the worst part is over. I somewhat calmed down about the job too. I can clearly see they need me more than I need them. I have also been in less pain though there are several very irritating trends as usual including the lingering gum nerve inflammation and chronic tonsillitis.

But anyway, at least I am considerably less annoyed. Also for several days I have been thinking about my writing. In that state it seemed impossible that I would ever write anything again. However, that changed soon enough. It happened so that I finished translating a Love Story (Tentative) last night. Then I had a dream about my first love. He ignored me as usual. How nostalgic.

But that's no the point. The point is, a week ago I felt dead inside but now there are ideas swirling in my head. Actually, I was indulging myself in bed today as it is Saturday and let my mind drift. It went so well that I actually sat down later today and wrote down a few scenes. Really good ones too. I'm not getting my hopes up but that's already really good. I am a fighter after all.

@темы: myself

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Agent Carter S02

Fucking finally... Now this here is good pacing in relationship development. But anyway, Season 2 was brilliant. A few questionable details here and there but overall very entertaining and picturesque.

@темы: series

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I don't even know what to do with his diary. It's clearly obsolete and yet I can't let go of it. I don't write anything personal on tumblr and Twiter is a joke so I guess here is a place to say the things I feel like saying. Which is not much lately. I used to want to write about everything, every album and concert and every random idea but lately I can't be bothered. But since I'm writing this anyway, I might as well.

February sucked a lot and March started out terribly. I am sort of busy with job but the truth is this isn't why I haven't posted anything lately. In fact, when I got a job I thought it was a good timing since I didn't feel like doing anything either way. I have one of those terrible periods where I can't seem to care about anything, my only distinct emotion being dread. I've been generally unemotional for months now but these past few weeks it got much worse. I wasn't ready for it. I didn't know how to deal with it. I mean even at my worst, even when I was crushed I had my music and my fandoms to pick me up but now I can't even care about that. I've watched some things, of course, and I mildly enjoyed them but I couldn't be bothered to post anything and for me that is abnormal. Over the last several years I've realized the me I knew could change in many ways and still remain me. I've changed my habits, my tastes and my patters. But I am not really to lose my excitement. People say bands keep them going, bands save them and stuff. For me it was never the bands, or the series. Not really. It was my excitability. The way I could get happy about small things, the way I could get passionate about things. If I lose that, I don't know how I shall go on.

I truly hope it's just a phase, that it's a Spring depression. Today it was sunny for a while and I got a little bit of energy to do something. I felt strong. I seemed to feel some slight joy stirring somewhere deep beneath the surface. But now it's gone. It doesn't help that the job is stressful as hell. You'd think being indifferent would disable you to get stressed but somehow it doesn't. I mean some bad things pass me by but so do good things. I get annoyed a lot. At things, at people, at my body that refuses to cooperate. I just want to want things again. I just want to feel something other that pain and anger.

Before I always found refuge in the fandom. Images, videos, writing and discussing. Now I look at my stories and it seems surreal I wrote them. I really am unsure I can do that again. I took a step back from the fandom hoping it would pull me back in but so far its not really trying and the more time passes the harder it would be to come back.

@темы: myself, musings

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PVs of the month

KIM JAE JOONG - Love You More



I was very sceptical when I heard a few people call Jae's new album a "masterpiece" but it's actually not half bad. I mean I only like a few songs but the riffs on are good, they don't sound cheap. I quite like this particular song and PV. I like the non-typical people in the video and there's a really nice feel to it. It would have been a great PV if it wasn't for the parts with Jaejoon himself. They just look so off. And way too much make-up.

L’Arc～en～Ciel - Wings Flap



On it's 25th year and still going strong. What I love about Laruku is that they always keep close to their original sound and yet every time add just enough of a new touch to keep it fresh. This time it's Hyde's accentuated vocals that hit home just right. The surrealistic PV is also classy as always. Well, it'd probably be classier if Hyde kept his flaily dancing down a notch but then that wouldn't be Hyde.


NEWS - Touch



JE makes it impossible to place PVs on YT so had to improvise. I love the video. It's finally NEWS not trying to be something they're not. Pure pop at its best. Botht the song and the video just make me smile and make me pointlessly unconditionally happy.

@темы: video, snapshot

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Sometimes I feel like a sad alien sent to Earth. I learned to act like humans but still so confused. I'm constantly like "Wait, this guy is supposed to be hot. Ok, noted" "So people think this song is great. Interesting."

@темы: myself, musings

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Welcome, la_la_lame! I have been found, eh. I've had this diary for nearly 10 years but lately I post very little here. Yet, hasn't abandoned it completely. Haven't done welcome posts forever.

@темы: welcome

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傘をもたない蟻たちは

First of all, I was very skeptical about the whole idea of mashing 3 different stories into one, I think that damages the individual ideas. I do think that it's possible to do well but this was certainly not the case here. Unfortunately, I have only read one of the 3 stories that went into the sсript of the drama but I read about the other two so I have some idea of how much they were fucked up.

The "Intercept" story was more or less intact since it was inserted into the main story. Sure, it lost some of its depth, but still it was good. I didn’t read it but I want to applaud Shige for his female narrative. I remember him saying that he read “dating” books but unlike Tegoshi it was for a very valid reason. I did, however, really hate the general mood of the first two episodes. They pretty much made it a comedy and needless to say that changes the mood of the stories within it as well. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was really bad acting, this exaggerated speech and gestures look so primitive. This semi-comic style ended abruptly halfway through the drama which was good on one hand but ruined what little consistency there actually was.

If Episode 1 left me annoyed, Episode 2 left me pissed. I actually happened to read the story used for this one and though I knew they’d change it, I didn’t expect it to be this much. I mean there was hardly anything left of it. First of all, I was really angry about changing the plot in a way that the whole “affair” only happened with the virtual perfect girl. I then realized they replaced Yukie’s character so they could use Mai instead but this killed this separate story completely. As if this wasn’t bad enough, they changed even the remaining parts of the story making it dumb and vulgar. I’m not even talking about the awful acting.

Episode 3 made me hopeful. They kids' acting was pretty good and there was no dumb humour in it. The overall atmosphere seemed pretty good too. I wasn't too hopeful though because the "Nibemonaku" story continued in Ep 4 and thus could be ruined easily. Basically, the story wasn't distorted much, the events in it were preserved. However, it lost all point because of basically the rest of the drama and its shitty plot. When it was revealed that Keisuke was a ghost the whole time (pretty touchy ghost though) I scowled. Not only was it lame, it was pretty dumb. I was imagining several ways for it to end - Jun reconnecting with Mai, or even Jun realizing he were gay for Keisuke all along. Anything would have made more sense that this. They took away the ideas of 2 of the stories and tried to fashion a new, much lamer one. What a failure. Even with this length and with these characters one could do a much better job, seriously. I kind of feel sorry for Shige, I'm sure he had a lot of internal struggle to see his precious stories butchered like that. I have to say though I enjoyed Shige’s concerned looks. However, instead of Keisuke being concerned for his friend I just saw Shige thinking “Damn, did I really create this fucking moron?” But of course, in the end I'm sure Shige knew that drama adaptation will give him a wider audience and help him reach out to more people and hopefully those who felt something from this pitiful mess of a drama will go and buy the book.

One more thing I want to say about this drama, or more like one more way they fucked it up. When I realized Shige's character were gay, I thought it was really cool. Gay characters and particularly gay characters in Japanese media, are very underrepresented and misrepresented. It's mostly 1 of 2: either's they're flashing gay, flirty and amusing or they suffer and die. I haven't seen an awful lot of Asian dramas but I can't remember any that had a gay character outside of these two roles (I'm thinking Shitsuren Chocolatier and Sunao ni Narenakute). That is why I was excited about Keisuke, even though it was a minor role. I mean I think it's really a great thing what Shige did with this story. He made it about the straight guy, showed that it was a straight boy who had issues, who was unhappy while the gay boy just continued with his life normally. "This is good, this is important" is how I felt. When I realized what they did I was like "Okay, so you kept the girl and killed off the gay guy. Good job". I wonder what actual gay people thought about this though. I'm secretly hoping Shige is on his way to becoming an icon for LGBT community.

@темы: dorama