I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Just some personal stuff, to get it off my chest.
Now I'm not the one to write about studies, I never did before. but now I kinda feel like it. Criteria of evaluation. It's one of the issues that is a source of great dismay for me. Never being able to judge oneself properly, not knowing what reaction to expect from others.. it's really frustrating. but that's not quite the point.
Everyone hates being underrated. Surely I do too. But lately I realised just how much I hate being overrated. Feeling like you don't live up to someone's expectations, being praised when you feel unworthy of it is worse than nothing. Getting good marks is mostly easy, you don't even get any moral satisfaction from it. It's like when your parents aren't even glad when you get excellent marks. Because it's expected and you can't fail. And if you do it must be bacause the mark was unfair. Now I know I'm one of the best, even when I don't try as hard, I always did. But I still lack a lot, a lot of it comes with experience, but then I'm just not organised and lazy. Being praised when you feel like you failed is not only non-incentive, it's like a slap in the face.
I still have a couple of long-delayed posts to complete. I feel sick and lazy and can't be bothered to write must of the stuff that's on my mind. Still recuperating from the mental trauma caused by our education system and the general absurdity of how things work in this world. Not to mention totally heartbroken by some of the recent fics. Just when you want some simple fluffy stuf... I still can't get over it. It's no use saying 'never again' or 'should have known'. It just doesn't work that way. When you deal with this stuff you know you're gonna get burned.
All right, enough of the lame grumping for today. There's a massive sorting and cleaning coming up.
Now I'm not the one to write about studies, I never did before. but now I kinda feel like it. Criteria of evaluation. It's one of the issues that is a source of great dismay for me. Never being able to judge oneself properly, not knowing what reaction to expect from others.. it's really frustrating. but that's not quite the point.
Everyone hates being underrated. Surely I do too. But lately I realised just how much I hate being overrated. Feeling like you don't live up to someone's expectations, being praised when you feel unworthy of it is worse than nothing. Getting good marks is mostly easy, you don't even get any moral satisfaction from it. It's like when your parents aren't even glad when you get excellent marks. Because it's expected and you can't fail. And if you do it must be bacause the mark was unfair. Now I know I'm one of the best, even when I don't try as hard, I always did. But I still lack a lot, a lot of it comes with experience, but then I'm just not organised and lazy. Being praised when you feel like you failed is not only non-incentive, it's like a slap in the face.
I still have a couple of long-delayed posts to complete. I feel sick and lazy and can't be bothered to write must of the stuff that's on my mind. Still recuperating from the mental trauma caused by our education system and the general absurdity of how things work in this world. Not to mention totally heartbroken by some of the recent fics. Just when you want some simple fluffy stuf... I still can't get over it. It's no use saying 'never again' or 'should have known'. It just doesn't work that way. When you deal with this stuff you know you're gonna get burned.
All right, enough of the lame grumping for today. There's a massive sorting and cleaning coming up.