I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
"I can't say no to your face, stupid," Shige goes on, and something inside Tegoshi swells.
It's odd, really. I barely write about fanfiction lately but there you go - two posts in a row. And concerning the same author too. Just when I lost all hope... I saw the light. I can already tell this has been an experience that shall be one of the year's highlights so I need to write about it.
I did a few prompts with authors I loved in the past but it never really worked out and it was then that I started writing myself. But this is a valuable life lesson. I tried again without expecting much. Hell, enough time passed that I was almost sure she would never write it and I was ok with that. And yet she did after all and it was good beyond any of my expectations.
I requested a fluff and got a full novel. This fic gave me 50 shades of feels and I rarely get a few. This just hit so many points for me on so many different levels. I laughed, I “aww”ed and I shuddered a lot. Can’t remember the last time a fic made me feel that way. I mean I can remember a few, such as kandadze's stuff which was 10 years ago. But the thing is, as much I liked her works there were many things about them that didn't sit well with me. In fact, if I look back on them I begin to wonder what even was it about them that I loved so much. I mean I know what it was but it would absolutely not work with me now.
I've always been very picky. Only one pairing per fandom and a lot of specifics for characterization and relationship dynamics. And as I started to write my own stuff my standards got even higher. Now that I created my own world, I found it even harder to enjoy things that contradicted it significantly. In this fandom in particular, any decent fic was years away and the past few years I was so engrossed with my own writing I hardly even reread anything. So basically at this point I pretty much given up on reading something really good. And yet - a miracle has happened! I waited for the night to come and sat in to read, anticipation mixed with fear of another disappointment. But it never came.
Everything about it was great - the general concept, the characterization, the relationship, the humour. There are so many things I like about this fic, it’s almost weird in a way. It’s like she read my mind. Even the smut was amazing. My own story “Benefits” is somewhat similar but I feel like this one is on a different level. I love the way she portrayed them both. It's a little different from mine but in an interesting and valid way. Besides, I can oddly sympathize with Tegoshi’s POV. I can understand the complicated feelings that come when you tend to abruptly lose interest in someone or something. And Shige’s casual sexy being a danger in the workplace is so real.
In a way it made me a little sad that she could create something so great in such a short time while I struggle with my works for months, sometimes years. In a way I almost felt like "I can even step down now. I am humbled and my work here is done." But that's just being pleasantly dramatic. I love writing. I never aimed to be the best at it but I know I'm good and people enjoy my stories. Besides, I'm pretty sure she borrowed a few ideas from me.
So I spent a few hours reading and I took my time knowing you only read a good fic one time for the first time. I almost teared up, really. Not because I was touched by the story, it wasn't dramatic, but just from the joy of knowing there can be good things when you don't expect them. To me it was so much more than a good fic, it was a promise, a hope and a reminder that you have to try and that's the only way to get good things. I clearly remembered - moments like this is the reason why I fandom. I do not expect another fic like it, for now I'll just see it as a single blessing but that is more than enough.
Man... I’d probably sell my soul for this fic. Glad I didn’t have to.