I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
The year is young but I feel so tired. There are days of restlessness morphing into days of stupor. A half of me is terrified I will never move on and the other half is terrified I will. I keep myself busy with the blog but it's all just routine to keep me sane. I'm so tired of this life. Tired of being poor and counting every cent, tired of being sick and lying awake in one of those nights, tired of everyone being too busy to talk to me, tired of looking at job ads hoping I won't find anything remotely suitable, tired of trying to use what little faith I have left to invest into something only to get another disappointment, tired of putting my emotions in a tight box afraid to lose the last of my dignity. Every year I hope things will change, really change but in the end I don't really have much hope. I know there are ways out, feeble but there are but I don't even know what I want to achieve anymore. Everything just seems so pointless.