I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
It's been a really hard year. Basically in my mind it's split down the middle in summer. The first half is kind of blurry. There was so much pain, both physical and mental, but right now I have no desire whatsoever to dwell on it. I've actually met with three healers and I learned some important things about myself and there was the therapy - a sheer torture that made me feel completely drained mentally and physically. And I walked away at last. But I really don't want to write about that.
I lost a lot this year, first of all in terms of people people. I severed links with most of those I was close with. There was hurt and disappointment. It was painful and it still is. I burned bridges and thus many things were lost along the way. But I don't regret a thing. For me it was the only way to move forward.
But I don't want to think of this year in a negative way. Because even though it was a lot harder than many of its predecessors it also brought a lot of progress. No pains, no gains.
For one in the process I found a person who I can really call a friend. But the most important things happened on a personal level. I grew a lot as a person. I feel like I finally began to mature properly. I was able to overcome some of my strongest fears. They might seem like small things to some, but for me, I never dreamed I'd be able to do it. I still lack a lot, but now I can work on it one step at a time. It's like this giant hole that was inside me is almost gone.
Then there was the new fandom which is something I'm really happy about. It was a great timing. It was a breath of fresh air after all the lawsuit bullshit early in the year. They are truly wonderful and I grew to love them a lot. And then there's the new OTP which really means a lot to me. In a way Shou and Tora are the first Japanese that I can really relate to. And the fact that they have passed through the dark times and came into the light is something very important to me. And apart from the band itself I've met some really nice people. Even if we can't talk normally, I still treasure these relationships.
So basically thought there were some really tough times there were also some great things, like spending a great Birthday, seeing Gackt live and celebrating a Chuseok on my block. And these are the memories from this year that what I want to remember and cherish. Even though this year I don't have any special achievements I can boast I feel like I've made tremendous progress on my own terms and that now I am finally able to advance into the world.
Next year I want to build many new bridges and begin to put all those things I have learned to practice. I don't want to make any loud resolutions, I'll advance by my own pace. I know it won't be easy, it's still far from it. For the first time in my life I have this perfectly groundless feeling that somehow I'm going to be alright.
I lost a lot this year, first of all in terms of people people. I severed links with most of those I was close with. There was hurt and disappointment. It was painful and it still is. I burned bridges and thus many things were lost along the way. But I don't regret a thing. For me it was the only way to move forward.
But I don't want to think of this year in a negative way. Because even though it was a lot harder than many of its predecessors it also brought a lot of progress. No pains, no gains.
For one in the process I found a person who I can really call a friend. But the most important things happened on a personal level. I grew a lot as a person. I feel like I finally began to mature properly. I was able to overcome some of my strongest fears. They might seem like small things to some, but for me, I never dreamed I'd be able to do it. I still lack a lot, but now I can work on it one step at a time. It's like this giant hole that was inside me is almost gone.
Then there was the new fandom which is something I'm really happy about. It was a great timing. It was a breath of fresh air after all the lawsuit bullshit early in the year. They are truly wonderful and I grew to love them a lot. And then there's the new OTP which really means a lot to me. In a way Shou and Tora are the first Japanese that I can really relate to. And the fact that they have passed through the dark times and came into the light is something very important to me. And apart from the band itself I've met some really nice people. Even if we can't talk normally, I still treasure these relationships.
So basically thought there were some really tough times there were also some great things, like spending a great Birthday, seeing Gackt live and celebrating a Chuseok on my block. And these are the memories from this year that what I want to remember and cherish. Even though this year I don't have any special achievements I can boast I feel like I've made tremendous progress on my own terms and that now I am finally able to advance into the world.
Next year I want to build many new bridges and begin to put all those things I have learned to practice. I don't want to make any loud resolutions, I'll advance by my own pace. I know it won't be easy, it's still far from it. For the first time in my life I have this perfectly groundless feeling that somehow I'm going to be alright.