I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
"I havent been reading fics much these days but I'm confident to say this one made up for everything else." purpleinpink@lj
Today these kind words made me feel really good. I was a bit worried since this work is kind of raw and fractured because I began writing it about 2 years ago, but the feedback confirmed that many people liked it and I was really glad.
Writing fics is something that doesn't come easy to me. I used to joke for years: "there aren't any good fics around, it's so bad maybe I should just write them myself. At least that way I'll get exactly what I want." For a long time I didn't want to even try because there were people who could write so naturally and I felt I couldn't compete with that. There are still several people like that around, but I hardly read them because their works don't go well with me whether it's pairing or plot or characterization.
Oftentimes in my bed before falling asleep I would come up with stories, just sort of seeing them happen, sometimes even forcing myself awake so I could finish them. At first I tried nagging good authors with my plots, but they never came out the way I wanted and so I gave up on that. And then one night I tried. It came out pretty good, but it was only one page of a supposed chaptered fic so it stopped at that. Then later I began writing down bits and snippets and it felt so good seeing how little by little the story took shape, became more tangible.
It took me at least a year to actually finish something and even though is was a tiny snippet I was very delighted. In the end I felt even if I'll never become as good as some it's still worth a try: "I already have all these stories inside of me, why don't I try to get them out"? I wanted to bring out my own worlds, my own characters, I felt they deserve to be seen. Of course, I knew it wouldn't be easy. I always joked that if I ever try to write I would become like that character - Joseph Grand from the Plague, who tried to write a book, but was such a perfectionist that he kept rewriting the first sentence and could get no further. Besides to me fanfiction is like a jigsaw puzzle and at first I only get some of the pieces so I have many half-written stories, the inspiration only visits me once in a while regarding each of them and the writing process stretches into months and years.
In a way I also worried that my fics would be just a patchwork made from someone else's stories, both other ficwriters and genuine writers. I know for fact I was influences by immodicus and scribete and probably some of the others too. My freshly posed fic reflects that - it's both touching and funny and it's one genre I always loved so I tried to reproduce it. Among the writers I think the one who has had a big influence on me is J.D. Salinger. Apart from borrowing one scene from one of the novels I somewhat adopted his style of storytelling. To me writing is a bit like painting a picture, I can see it in my mind clearly, but it's hard to make others see it too. Just like Salinger I want to describe every intonation, every gesture so that the reader can see it the same way I do. In the end I realized there's nothing completely original, everyone's been influenced by someone else at some point. I do borrow some ideas, phrases or metaphors, but they're just icing on the cake at most.
I guess one of the reasons I am so attached to this fandom is because it gave me so many ways to express myself and it's something that makes me feel fulfilled. I just sort of began my writing career and I really want to explore this new field. I don't think it's something I want to do all my life for for now I'm going to indulge myself.
Today these kind words made me feel really good. I was a bit worried since this work is kind of raw and fractured because I began writing it about 2 years ago, but the feedback confirmed that many people liked it and I was really glad.
Writing fics is something that doesn't come easy to me. I used to joke for years: "there aren't any good fics around, it's so bad maybe I should just write them myself. At least that way I'll get exactly what I want." For a long time I didn't want to even try because there were people who could write so naturally and I felt I couldn't compete with that. There are still several people like that around, but I hardly read them because their works don't go well with me whether it's pairing or plot or characterization.
Oftentimes in my bed before falling asleep I would come up with stories, just sort of seeing them happen, sometimes even forcing myself awake so I could finish them. At first I tried nagging good authors with my plots, but they never came out the way I wanted and so I gave up on that. And then one night I tried. It came out pretty good, but it was only one page of a supposed chaptered fic so it stopped at that. Then later I began writing down bits and snippets and it felt so good seeing how little by little the story took shape, became more tangible.
It took me at least a year to actually finish something and even though is was a tiny snippet I was very delighted. In the end I felt even if I'll never become as good as some it's still worth a try: "I already have all these stories inside of me, why don't I try to get them out"? I wanted to bring out my own worlds, my own characters, I felt they deserve to be seen. Of course, I knew it wouldn't be easy. I always joked that if I ever try to write I would become like that character - Joseph Grand from the Plague, who tried to write a book, but was such a perfectionist that he kept rewriting the first sentence and could get no further. Besides to me fanfiction is like a jigsaw puzzle and at first I only get some of the pieces so I have many half-written stories, the inspiration only visits me once in a while regarding each of them and the writing process stretches into months and years.
In a way I also worried that my fics would be just a patchwork made from someone else's stories, both other ficwriters and genuine writers. I know for fact I was influences by immodicus and scribete and probably some of the others too. My freshly posed fic reflects that - it's both touching and funny and it's one genre I always loved so I tried to reproduce it. Among the writers I think the one who has had a big influence on me is J.D. Salinger. Apart from borrowing one scene from one of the novels I somewhat adopted his style of storytelling. To me writing is a bit like painting a picture, I can see it in my mind clearly, but it's hard to make others see it too. Just like Salinger I want to describe every intonation, every gesture so that the reader can see it the same way I do. In the end I realized there's nothing completely original, everyone's been influenced by someone else at some point. I do borrow some ideas, phrases or metaphors, but they're just icing on the cake at most.
I guess one of the reasons I am so attached to this fandom is because it gave me so many ways to express myself and it's something that makes me feel fulfilled. I just sort of began my writing career and I really want to explore this new field. I don't think it's something I want to do all my life for for now I'm going to indulge myself.