The Movie List

Downsizing [2017]
Professor Marston and the Wonder Women [2017]
Close-Knit [2017]
Sing Street [2016]
The Normal Heart [2014]
First Man [2018]

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New Monitor

I finally discovered the extension that lets you see all the Photobucket pictures again. But I think I'll still stick to Imgur for now.

Finally, after a week, 2 broken monitors and lots of struggle, I got my brand new one. It's about 60% wider than my old one so it will take time to get used to but it's such a relief. My old monitor frankly died of natural causes since it was 10-12 years old. But it's so odd to buy something for myself, it's been awhile since I allowed it.

@музыка: Sia - Confetti

@темы: PC

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Joshiteki Seikatsu

I’m very skeptical about Japanese dramas involving cross-dressing but Joshi teki Seikatsu is just 4 episodes long so I gave it a chance. And I’m glad I did. Jun Shison is charming as a transgender lesbian woman working in fashion industry. The drama is a glimpse into her life, work, and relationships. Miki is bright, motivated, and totally not giving a fuck.

The drama is by no means perfect but in just 4 episodes it manages to achieve a number of things many similar dramas fail to. While the premise is not new to Japanese dramas, Joshiteki Seikatsu manages to sidestep most of the cliches and break some stereotypes, such as showing that gender and sexuality are two separate things. The drama’s central relationships are unconventional and you have no idea where it’s all going at all. While there are some rather blunt conflicts thrown in, the outcomes are never quite predictable. All in all, it’s a drama about living your own life with no shame, even if it differs greatly from the rest. That theme is universally relevant but especially so in conformist Japan.

One more pleasant surprise was seeing a transgender woman named Satsuki Nishihara who appeared in Episode 2 as Miki’s former roommate. I knew her from NEWS na Futari episode on LGBT people. She also apparently mentored Jun Shison on set.

@музыка: Adore Delano - Out of the Blue

@темы: dorama

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On Wednesday the electricity went out for 6 hours and yesterday my monitor decided to die. Well, it was about 12 years old so it died of natural causes. Now I’m temporarily using an ancient flickering monitor with a greenish tint, but it’s better than nothing and I can work at least. I guess I have to spent all the reserve money on a new one on rather a not new but newer one since new ones are too expensive. The week was a disaster and things aren’t really looking up so I won’t be posting as much this week probably. I did almost half of Neverland but with a crappy monitor I can’t edit screens, gifs and scans properly so that has to wait. Good things don't come to me.

Well, guess it's time to remember the Situationist motto...

@музыка: Gala - Suddenly

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Started playing Mass Effect the other day. I got improved textures so it lags quite a bit but it's pretty fun. What I regret though is playing that sex parody of it, now I know all the characters and can't look them in the eyes.

@темы: Games

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After nearly two years of waiting I finally got a chance to go to the cinema again and I learned there would be a screening of Black Panther this weekend. Yet, I am not on my way to Wakanda. Now, this Sunday, I am sitting at home bitter af. The last 5 days it's been snowing a lot, more than all of Winter and today is another snowstorm. Not only that, today I have the worst day of my period. This trip would have been challenging at my best but given the circumstances, I just can't make it. I didn't count on it, of course, I never do but it's still making me so sad. I'll get over it in time and maybe I'll get to see Avengers 4 or the X-man later this year but this is a harsh reminded of my limitations just when I stopped thinking about them.

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Sometimes I look at myself and think: What the fuck is wrong with me? I spend half of my time being a fan so I don’t fit in with normal people with jobs and families but I also hate being a fan and I absolutely forbid myself fantasizing about any of the celebrities I stalk like a pro so don’t fit in with fans either.

The last time I allowed myself a fantasy was probably when I was 11 and I carved the initials JB into my bed and the concrete thing in my yard. I remember that, rushing home to watch the next episode, having a special diary where I summarized every episode from memory... It was lonely and painful and it got even worse when I realized there were thousands of girls all over the country just like me. It made my feelings irrelevant and unimportant. When all these years later I learned JB was dead it was as if that hopeless romantic part of me died, or perhaps I buried it myself.

I don't want to go through it again. And I don't know, maybe holding back is hurting me even more but what do you do with feelings that cannot be expressed? I already confessed once and I'm proud of myself for it but it hurt like hell. The thing is I don't even know how to d fantasizing, I never tried to develop it past 11 years... I have strong ground to think I will never experience romance in a way I want it so I can hardly even imagine it. Small thought linger at the edge of my mind sometimes but I chase them back because they bring nothing but hurt.

It may be stupid, in a way I envy fans who fan with abandon, at least they get the most out of it. I guess my pride is too high and it makes me an elitist bitch but I don't think there's any way of helping it.

@темы: myself, musings

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Hello Again

Two days ago finally reset my Windows. Still 7. It didn't go without fuckups, it never does but it's was well worth it. Nothing like the smell of fresh Windows. And resetting half my passwords.

@темы: PC

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Sister: Buys an ecotoilet, a bidet, a vintage sewing machine, a fruit dryer, a fuckton of other things she never really uses.

Sister: Why don't I have any money??


It's odd, you know. I thought I have already lost all of my fucks, that I won't let her get to me but today I realized so many new ways in which she made me feel bad about myself. All these years I felt like I was the weakest link, I was insecure and helpless and not social enough and therefore terribly immature and it is only now that I see that all the while she never had her shit together, she was never independent and always terrible with money and time. It is only now that I realized that I don't have to take this shit from anyone and especially not her.

@темы: family, myself

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Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

I've been playing it for so long and now I'm 50% sick of it 50% can't let it go. It's worse than fucking Skyrim - I got all of my houses from normal ones to creepy archmage tower to a fucking keep with a library and art gallery. And, of course, a shitton of stuff I never used.

It's a solid action/RPG, much like Jade Empire. Though I would say it's even closer to action genre since there's very few major decisions in the game, only siding with some factions with little difference. There aren't even proper conversations, you only get occasional variants usually when attempting a persuasion. Thus, the game doesn't have a high replayability potential. However, it offers something instead - a chance to easily change speciality at any point so you get to try out all it's got.

I love the gameplay. The fights are very fun and elegant, like good choreography. Great visual effects too. That's crucial to a game you play for 100+ hours. The enemies were oddly varied and it didn't get boring with the great choice of weapons, spells and tricks. But the interface was just plain bad, though probably still not as bad as Skyrim. Of course, one of the best features was beautiful graphics. The landscapes were amazing and every region has peculiar terrain, architecture and creatures. That's how I have 538 screenshots. Take that, Skyrim! One of the minor features that I really loved was being able to change the character's appearance at any house. Of course, you can't change the face but the hair colour, tattoos, jewelry and make-up make a lot of difference. Simple and fun but I never saw it in any other RPG games.

One thing it's missing though is a good plot. There's strong lore but the plot is pretty vague and boring. It's kind of dark too. I knew it from the start. The only thing keeping me from playing it sooner was the fact that the starts with you waking up in a pile of dead bodies. It's not too graphic of course but I think there's still a lot of unnecessary gore in the game. Also Fateless One sounds a helluva lot like Nameless One and the whole being resurrected and not remembering a thing thing? Yeah. The quests were mostly rather boring and sometimes plain buggy. Also some were nearly impossible to figure out on your own and even with walkthroughs. Another thing missing is companions. You only occasionally side with some characters but they're all basically useless except for distracting the enemies.

Dead Kel was obviously trying to introduce a bunch of things that were missing in the original game but it tried too hard. It was funny how it so casually inserted the word "sex" into 3 different female characters' dialogues. One of them becomes your wife but all that happens when you finally get to marry her is a black screen followed by her compliment at what a beast you were in bed. That's it, not even one new interaction. Just a little something to boost the male ego. I played as a female - one of the features that attracted me to the game - but it changes exactly nothing other than your appearance. The whole Keep quests are good idea but they take way too much time so by the time you get to them all, I was already sick of the damn island. It all seemed underdeveloped.

I think at some point I will give Skyrim another try, with all the expansions and mods and all.

Overall impression: fun and pretty, no real depth
Strong points: gameplay, graphics
Weak points: plot, interface, interactivity

@темы: Games

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Drag Race musical aftermath

Of course, first and foremost, the song that surely imprinted on my brain and I ain't even mad...

MORE

Adore, early video. Very Sia and the PV is on point.



And a newer and rockier song with a more androgynous image. This is very much a late Placebo thing.



Courtney is beyond gender. I'm not really into the song but the video is so on point.

@темы: video

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Drag Race

It's been a hellish week and I couldn't concentrate on anything, even fandom. So I started watching RuPaul's Drag Race and ended a season in days. To be honest, it's not surprising at all. If anything, it's odd I didn't get to this sooner. I started with Season 6 though becasue I watched the first ep on Youtube. No regrets, I doubt I'll watch all of them anyway, there's 9 out now I think plus 2 All Stars.

Anyway, it's been quite a ride. I guess drag is one of the few directions I never really explored. I think the social stigma for drag queens might be even harsher than for transgenders. Since transgenders want to fit in and the drag queens want nothing but to stand out. And I always had the image of drag queens as old mamas with caked make-up, loud and dirty-mouthed. But most contestants on this show are young and everyone's styles are completely different, from shocking and obnoxious to hyper-feminine. So it was interesting to watch. The show had many challenges like singing, acting, comedy and wit but of course sewing skills and a sense of style were essential.

I feel like there's a lot to be learned from drag queens, from style and make-up tips to wisdom and self-love and shining from within. And, of course, Ru is a fucking Goddess. But in a way it also made me think of how the whole thing was a competition of femininity as a construct and it's all the more clear when men do it. It's about dresses and hair and make-up, it's about the moves and the talk and the sassyness. Not to mention the Drag Queens made throwing shade into an art form.

As for the S06, from the very first scene I was charmed by Adore and till the very end I wanted her to win. She lacked experience and sometimes confidence but she had plenty of charm and was the most relatable. In the end though, with the 3 finalists I was ok with any of them winning, they were all great in very different ways. Bianca looked like a total bitch at first but in the end I guess its that character gap when she turned out to be really kind, that made her the winner. And then there's Courtney who was perhaps too flawless to win. However, last night I went too far into the internet and found this video of a very thrashy Adore performing live in an outrageous outfit revealing her ass and midriff which were very unsightly in addition to it being vulgar so I now I have very mixed feelings about her.

While I was watching I also remembered Tegoshi joining some Italian drag Queens in 2013. Now that I look at it, he might as well be a drag performer. I mean, clearly he doesn’t want to be a woman but he has a persona that’s kind of a separate entity and he enjoys letting it take over once in a while. I’d love to see him on Drag Race. I don’t think he would make it too far simply because he doesn’t have the skills to do his own make-up and put on a wig, let alone sewing. But I’m sure he could learn the trade quickly if he was in a position to.

After watching all 14 hours of the season, including Untucked, I got a little tired of it emotionally and Ru's laugh jammed my brain. I feel like I need to take a break from the race but there's a good chance I will get back to it later.

@музыка: RuPaul - Sissy That Walk forever looped up in my head

@темы: issues

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Songs of January

NEWS - LPS

I like the song, it's catchy af and positive and an endlessly better start to the year than Emma was.

NEWS - Madoromi

I never expect much from NEWS so when there's an actually good song I'm always pleasantly surprised. This here is one of their best ballads and a great use of their voices.

Jonghyun - Take the Dive

Because of P. I ended up listening to the album. It's nice overall but this song in particular really gets to me. Listening to it is somehow sad and uplifting at the same time.

@темы: snapshot

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Rebel in the Rye

I didn't expect much when I decided to watch the film but honestly I didn't expect it to be such shallow self-serving. Like, I know most people would disagree. I mean, if you compare it to most movies coming out it's not too bad, maybe even good. But for me, someone who is rather knowledgeable in both Salinger's work and his life, it was a disaster.

And it's not even a number of factual inaccuracies though some of them also were irritating. I realize it's a movie and some things will be changed for dramatic effect or brevity but I really felt like the changes were rather random and often just outright unnecessary. What I found the most disappointing about the movie is that it's pretty much based on a pile of cliches. Considering the high expectations and the interest of all the Salinger fans out there they really could have done better. The actors did their best but most roles were so incredibly shallow it was sad to look at. Almost every scene was so easy, so stereotypical and safe.

In terms of a biography, I think taking nearly 30 years - his entire writing career - was biting more they could chew. Many parts became blurred and indistinct, such as bring home his new wife and her disappearing just 2 scenes later. And while they did portray some of his shitty attitude to his wife, it did not even begin to describe the extent of the damage he's done to her and his children. And of course there were all the young girls whom he dated which was outright creepy. And as much as I love his books, if you gonna film a movie about the man, you have to do more than just making him a hero, a survivor and a martyr, you gotta bring out the unpretty parts too.

Just writing about it is tiring. What I love Salinger's work for is subtlety and this is one thing the movie definitely lacked.

One of my favourite critic reviews:
lithub.com/rebel-in-the-rye-is-bad-for-writers/

@темы: movies

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2000 FOLLOWERS!

It’s been 6 years for me on tumblr and still going strong. Tumblr gets so much shit and most of it is from tumblr users themselves. Which is sad becasue I love it so much. It allows me to express what I want to and also learn so much, not just facts but also people. No other platform did it for me. It made me question and realize so many things about myself, allowed me to connect to strangers in the most intimate ways and find close friends who I can truly talk to and be heard. It was an outlet for me in hard times and a way to share the good times. I feel like Tumblr is the voice of our generation and it’s sad that we seem to hate the sound of it.

@темы: milestone

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Heroes of Might and Magic VI

To me "Heroes" is one of the pillars of modern gaming. I first met HII when I came across it on one of those "200 in one" CDs they sold in the 90's. Most of the stuff on it was crap but that was a sure gem and loved it. Then came HIII, still considered to be the most classic one in the series. I loved it and played it a lot along with HIV which I loved about as much. HV came much later, as I got a new PC and decided to pick up where I left off. Yet, it came as a huge disappointment. There were many games which I gave more chances than I should have but with this one I didn't even bother - struggled for maybe half an hour before deleting it. I honestly don't know, to me it looked like crap. It's much better to have a good isometric game than a bad 3D one. But after a few more years I decided to give HVI a try.

Tonight I finally finished Heroes VI and here's a few words on that.

To me the feelings are very mixed. First of all, the game was incredibly laggy and froze ever so often. I tried to fix it, I really did but in the end I just gave up and reloaded the game, sometimes 3-4 times at one point. That really ruined the experience. But let's move on. Overall, I liked the new design, the units looked great though you seldom looked at them up close. The animations were good too, when they didn't lag that is.

The castle overhaul was mostly good in general but it felt like there were fewer castles and so many classic units were just very absent. I didn't quite like what they did to the Necromancer and Demon castles. Some units were so gross it was disgusting to even look at them. The main reason why I skipped the Demon campaign. But I liked the Sanctuary castle. It is refreshing to see Japanese mythical creatures used in a game. The dark elves looked great too. But yeah, the units and the gameplay is good.

I thought the plot was odd and messy. While I don't care much normally, here it was more evident so it influenced my choices a lot. While there were 5 main campaigns, one for each sibling and of different factions, I only did two. And even that only because I needed it to finish the final campaign. I chose Irina, of course, and later Anastasia. Both wronged women who took their fates into their own hands. I tried playing the humans but the protagonist was such a giant douche I quite on 2nd scenario. I was reluctant to play for the Necromancers but I had to choose another campaign to finish the game and in the end it felt strangely liberating. I mean I sure look the part. Also inner jokes like “You’re not taking my castle! Over my dead body, bitch! Oh, wait. I am dead anyway.” The ending brought no satisfaction whatsoever. It was just like "What? That's it?"

I will probably try HVII at some point but for now I need a break. From the battles and from the bugs

@темы: Games

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"I can't say no to your face, stupid," Shige goes on, and something inside Tegoshi swells.

It's odd, really. I barely write about fanfiction lately but there you go - two posts in a row. And concerning the same author too. Just when I lost all hope... I saw the light. I can already tell this has been an experience that shall be one of the year's highlights so I need to write about it.

I did a few prompts with authors I loved in the past but it never really worked out and it was then that I started writing myself. But this is a valuable life lesson. I tried again without expecting much. Hell, enough time passed that I was almost sure she would never write it and I was ok with that. And yet she did after all and it was good beyond any of my expectations.

I requested a fluff and got a full novel. This fic gave me 50 shades of feels and I rarely get a few. This just hit so many points for me on so many different levels. I laughed, I “aww”ed and I shuddered a lot. Can’t remember the last time a fic made me feel that way. I mean I can remember a few, such as kandadze's stuff which was 10 years ago. But the thing is, as much I liked her works there were many things about them that didn't sit well with me. In fact, if I look back on them I begin to wonder what even was it about them that I loved so much. I mean I know what it was but it would absolutely not work with me now.

I've always been very picky. Only one pairing per fandom and a lot of specifics for characterization and relationship dynamics. And as I started to write my own stuff my standards got even higher. Now that I created my own world, I found it even harder to enjoy things that contradicted it significantly. In this fandom in particular, any decent fic was years away and the past few years I was so engrossed with my own writing I hardly even reread anything. So basically at this point I pretty much given up on reading something really good. And yet - a miracle has happened! I waited for the night to come and sat in to read, anticipation mixed with fear of another disappointment. But it never came.

Everything about it was great - the general concept, the characterization, the relationship, the humour. There are so many things I like about this fic, it’s almost weird in a way. It’s like she read my mind. Even the smut was amazing. My own story “Benefits” is somewhat similar but I feel like this one is on a different level. I love the way she portrayed them both. It's a little different from mine but in an interesting and valid way. Besides, I can oddly sympathize with Tegoshi’s POV. I can understand the complicated feelings that come when you tend to abruptly lose interest in someone or something. And Shige’s casual sexy being a danger in the workplace is so real.

In a way it made me a little sad that she could create something so great in such a short time while I struggle with my works for months, sometimes years. In a way I almost felt like "I can even step down now. I am humbled and my work here is done." But that's just being pleasantly dramatic. I love writing. I never aimed to be the best at it but I know I'm good and people enjoy my stories. Besides, I'm pretty sure she borrowed a few ideas from me.

So I spent a few hours reading and I took my time knowing you only read a good fic one time for the first time. I almost teared up, really. Not because I was touched by the story, it wasn't dramatic, but just from the joy of knowing there can be good things when you don't expect them. To me it was so much more than a good fic, it was a promise, a hope and a reminder that you have to try and that's the only way to get good things. I clearly remembered - moments like this is the reason why I fandom. I do not expect another fic like it, for now I'll just see it as a single blessing but that is more than enough.

Man... I’d probably sell my soul for this fic. Glad I didn’t have to.

@темы: fanfix

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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The 2017 Totals

Site of the Year: tumblr, weibo.
Obsession of the Year: NEWS
Movie of the Year: none in particular
Series of the Year: Halt&Catch Fire
Dorama of the Year: -
Anime of the Year: Barakamon
Documentary of the Year: Light and Dark, Atom, Servants: A life below stairs
TV Show of the Year: SNL, Travel Man, Mayonaka no Prince, Shounen Club Premium, The Daily Show
Game of the Year: Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning
Quote of the Year: I think I had one but I just can't remember
Actor of the Year: Lee Pace
Pairing of the Year: Tegoshige, Jiguiwa, JoexCam tbh
Throwback of the Year: Ace Of Base
Artist of the Year: Sia
Album of the Year: Neverland
Demise of the Year: SO MANY. Here's a few: Emma, The Real O'Neils getting cancelled, local mail service, Upwork, Torment: Tides of Numenera, Will Aitken's "Realia", "I'm Coming", Photobucket, Logan, Alice Nine's new stuff, RIP Marvel Heroes, US politics, RIP Jonghyun, home invasion.
Achievement of the Year: Getting a nice job
Highlights: New treatment, Barbara Makeover, Neverland, present form Paola, Quartetto DVD, Dahlia, Prince, Koreyada 2017, my new adult body.

Soundtrack of the Year: NEWS - Silent Love, Buck-Tick - Dress, Buck-Tick - One Last Kiss, Kato Shigeaki - Ayame, Sia - Never Give Up (from the Lion Soundtrack), Ace Of Base - Waiting For Magic, Shinee - 산소 같은 너 (Love Like Oxygen), Sia - Confetti

Statistics

Series:
TBBT
Fresh Off the Boat
The IT Crowd
The Good Fight
Halt&Catch Fire

Dramas:
49
Toki o Kakeru Shojo

Best Movies:
Lion
Loving
The Greatest Game Ever Played
Queen of Katwe
Fences
Moonlight
Suffragette
The Kings of Summer
Pele
On The Road
Logan
Certain Women
Battle of the Sexes
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Ayashii Kanojo 2016
Blind Teacher Yoshinori [2016]

Games:
Sims 3
Marvel Heroes
Torment: Tides of Numenera
Dragon Age: Origins
Might & Magic. Heroes 6
Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning

Fanvideos finished:
Dangerous

Fanfics finished:
Mirror, Mirror
Fragile
Merry Christmas, Shige!
Older

This year took 2 pages, that's all.

@темы: Totals

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One of the year's highlights was this, an earnest anthem to all the good things from the man that just keeps amazing and drawing my admiration.

@музыка: Sia - Jesus Wept

@темы: Shige is my spirit animal