In the end, it's always the hate that gets to you, not sympathy. Another breakdown, another hiatus. It's been almost 2 years, the critical mass of a fandom's total weight. This really was my last hope but no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I try to please everyone it's just no use. When time spent off begins to get close to the time spent on, the end is near.

@темы: fandom

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paana playground giveaway 12 [news 12th anniversary] - 2nd prize

Bias: let's go with Shige
12 reasons I love NEWS:

- their looks. If you deny it, you're lying. They're ridiculously attractive and charming.
- their personalities. I never liked any other JE band or member but NEWS really captured my heart fast. They're all weird interesting people.
- they give me more reasons to smile, they entertain me and encourage me. They did not save my life but they really help me move forward and grow.
- their teamwork. I love the way they really function well together and compliment each other.
- the way they really put a lot of thought into their work, especially concerts and have a lot of control over their activities.
- their honesty, maybe even too much honesty sometimes.
- their approachability, they're very down-to-earth and easy to sympathize with.
- as an avid shipper, it would be hypocritical if I don't say I enjoy all the member ai. All pairings are lovable but one of them is really special to me and allowed me to write stories I always wanted to write.
- their fans are really nice and that says something about the band. The fandom is very warm and supportive.
- Massu's fashion style. He sometimes has the weirdest outfits and accessories but he somehow makes them work.
- Tegoshi's fluid gender and sexuality. I like interesting people, people with contradictions and he probably tops my list in the latter.
- Shige's integrity and courage to say the things he believes in and write books about important things even if it might impact his image as an idol.


Okay, that was oddly hard.

@темы: NEWS.

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Got a postcard and the photobook from Ann. I never got anything from Australia before. They're both really pretty too. I feel so loved~

@темы: little treasures

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Yellow Flicker Beat

In love with the song and the movies.

@темы: video

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It's been a really tough couple of days. The teeth aching and the stomach and all the feelings messed up so bad... A few nights were agonizing but it's a little better now. Yesterday I finally went and got that problematic nerve removed. It was terrifying but pretty fast. It still aches now but I only hope that's just the leftover pain and it'll pass. I also made that other important call but I will have to wait a few weeks for the appointment. I'm also still doing the TS processing. I think I might have some results already but it's not going easy, nothing with me ever is it seems. It will probably take at least another month. Also sending my 3rd test assignment for l'official even if the chance is slim. At any rate, I'm proud of myself.

I had to give up on Skyrim for now. Meanwhile, I've been keeping myself busy with continuing my course of contemporary female music acts. I went through Lana Del Ray, Ellie Golding and Lorde. The last one really impressed me. I was blown away like "if that's the future on music industry, I'm not worried". I like her album and her songs for the Hunger Games are just amazing. I've been thinking of watching it and I learned the 4th and final film was coming this November so I ended up watching the first film. It was good as expected but even thought it was rated PG-13 it was still really hard for me. No sense in keeping away from Skyrim and watching this. I really want to see the other parts but I don't think I'm ready for it.

I haven't updated tumbr in 4 days which might be a record, no matter how bad it was I never kept away for more than 1,5 days. But I don't feel like it now, it takes time and energy investment which I can't afford now. Besides, every time I get a little spirit in me it gets blown right away. Be it my own fault or having to pacify my newfound friends, I just end up feeling empty and alone every time. But I can take it, I can take everything.

@музыка: PJ Harvey - We Float

@темы: snapshot

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Cry Baby

Melanie's album is finally out. I was waiting for it but with each new PV I realized it was not going to be what I expected. If Dollhouse was honest and dramatic and reminded me of Maria Mena, Carousel was really dark and actually was used for American Horror Story. Then there was Soap which is really depressing and Sippy Cup which is just outright creepy. I mean, I do like the album. It's very concept, if anything, too concept but it's really dark. And there's nothing that scares me more than cute little girls with heads full of dark creepy ideas. Also the explicit lyrics gave me an odd feeling. I know Melanie had a lot to learn from Marina but Electra Heart was a lot more subtle and elegant. But I suppose it's a form of therapy, getting all your dark past out of the way. At least she said it was all based on her own life.

Putting the lyrics aside, I think it's a rather solid album with a number of really nice catchy songs. I especially like Pity Party and Tag, You're It. Now that I listened to it properly though, I think I better stay away from it, at least at this point in my life. I do think Melanie is very talented and I hope that once she has this out of the way, she can grow and do more constructive music.

@темы: review

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So today I had some TVXQ feels and watched some old live bits having my eargasm and thinking things were so much easier to appreciate when my favourite band could sing and dance. Then I remembered it's already September and then Yoochun should have already enlisted.

He did.



And so in a way it's not a big deal coz I hardly check up on him these days but... it made me kinda sad. I'm gonna miss him. 2 years is not as long as it used to be before but it's still pretty long. Yoochunnie always had a special place in my heart.

Then, on a bright side I discovered this last JYJ event, which ended up being a very Yoosu event. A MemberSHIP Week indeed. And they did a number of dumb precious things including the pepero game which probably every new k-pop band did already but it's been 8 years since I strted shipping them and oh the feels...



Come on, Su, you already kissed a bunch of random guys for the musical, show us how it's done.

@темы: Yoochunnie, Yoosu

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I got a case of dokis...

The letter finally arrived ;; Not only is this the cutest letter I ever got, it's also the most touching one. ;; Full swing, it's full swing..... T_T

Also, I am now the proud owner of a Tegoshige set. My pretty babies ;;

@темы: little treasures

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Brilliant video. I think she's getting even better with this.

@темы: issues

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The band I love

@темы: NEWS.

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Skyrim overhaul

When I decided to play Skyrim I got myself the smallest pack I could find with an outdated patch. I knew of extensive modding of course but I though at first I need to learn the game as it is. However, I had a feeling at some point I might delve into the dangerous world of moding and so it happened. Now I'm level 21 and learned the ropes, I decided it was time to go check out what the world has to offer. Of course I instantly came across some great gameplay mods but it turned out most mods are for new patches and I decided not to go there. Instead, I went into texture and armour sections. Textures are mostly harmless so I got a few prettifying packs for girls and boys. At first, it seemed weird how glamorous the girls looked, their skin all smooth but I decided to keep it, after all all the women of Skyrim look like they're 35 at the very least. The guys look good tho, no issue. Then, I really wanted to get some clothing because the game is really lacking in there but for that I first had to get a body mesh which I did. In the end, I got not a single new dress and just one armour. Though there's a lot of sexy clothing available, most of it is awfully skanky so for me there wasn't much choice, really.

At any rate, for now here's what Alana and Lydia look like:



That is Seraphine armour which, what do you know, happens to be better defense that elven armour I had before.
So far I did have one crash at one point but hopefully it won't be persistent.

@темы: Games

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TVXQ, blast from the past

So today I was watching John Oliver's video on Tensions in Korea and there was a part about SK blasting stuff from their speakers to NK including anti-NK propaganda and also K-pop. Then this happened...

"Now they haven't said exactly what music they've been playing but I hope it's some of the better k-pop stuff. I'm talking 'Seoulight' by Neon Bunny, basically, anything by Uhm Jong Hwa, Jo Sung Mo's early stuff or maybe TVXQ, of course before Hero Jaejoong left because I think we all know that after that the whole band sound went to shit."

Thank you, John. That was unexpected and a tad Jaejoong-biased but thank you.

Also yesterday I watched Ode To My Father. A really powerful film. A bit too sentimental maybe like all Korean films and too drama packed but the setting mostly justifies it. I cried at least 3-4 times but it really leaves an impression. Amazing directing and camera work, I really love when present is mixed up with the past and scenes fade out one into another. One surprise though was seeing Yunho there. While I respect him as an artist, I don’t think he’s a good actor and, most importantly, his role was completely a Yama Pi role (yes, that’s a term now) and honestly felt really redundant but at least it made me smile among the tears.

@темы: movies, TVXQ

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Tonight I had this very vivid dream where I met this boy who lived on my floor. He was like 5 but he was really smart and mature but troubled. And I tried so hard to look after him, to help him. It's really odd when you get attached to dream people probably generated by your own mind.

@темы: Dreams

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Tolkien World

So few weeks ago I finally downloaded the last film in The Hobbit trilogy but since sister hasn't seen it and it's been pretty long anyway we decided to watch the first two films first. By the time we finished I thought, "Hey, it's been 14 years since the first LOTR film and it's chronologically a sequel to Hobbit and I got all films in blu-ray on my HD" so it makes perfect sense to watch them too so in the end we had this 2-week marathon.

It was really a cool experience. I got to really appreciate both the work of Tolkien and all the hordes of people who created the magnificent if not entirely accurate films. I never read and of the books myself. I tried once but it was so detailed that I gave up. It might be for the best as I didn't have to compare the films to the books or it might have ruined it for me. But I watched and read stuff about Tolkien and was blown away by his vivid imagination and the ability to create a whole fucking world for many generations to come.

I'm currently playing Skyrim and now being able to compare the two worlds I realized just how much of the genre was created by Tolkien. I mean it's not just dwarfs and elves but dwarfs have heavy armor and axes of a certain shape and elves have light armour and use bows and magic. Or the fact that the basic classes of warrior/mage/thief are basically laid out in The Hobbit. Even stuff like giant spiders and crypts is all there, virtually unchanged in all the RPGs.

But apart from all that, I think one of the most important things Tolkien did was create a huge epic tale and put the world's destiny in the hands of not just brave mighty warriors but also small seemingly helpless creatures.

As for the movies, there are many high-budget cinema wonders that come out every year it's easy to overlook just how impressive a work has been done here. The great casting, the fantastic director's work, the beautiful armour and architecture and so much more. It's been a fun ride.

Legolas might be cute, but Thranduil was fucking majestic~

@темы: movies

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Why Straight Men Have Sex With Each Other - really interesting article

nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/08/why-straight-men-...

@темы: the eternal debate

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Orange is the New Black S3

OITNB continues to kick ass. Paola said it's rather light which you might say is true but there's so much to it, man. It's amazing how you don't even realize just how many characters there are until you see a new lead nearly every episode (omg Chang). And then you realize there are many more waiting for their stories to be told. And then of course there are familiar characters who develop amazingly and the most bizarre relationships form. I was really amazed by the odd friendship of Boo and Pennsatucky. Ruby Rose was such a sensation but she just ain't my thing, man. But Chapman... I identify with Chapman in an odd way. I admire her strength and survivability. For some reason I can also understand her quest for power and the urge to be taken seriously.

OITNB is that one series you never knew how badly you needed it until you saw it.

@темы: series

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Finally got my LE B from the post office. Kaguya collection=complete. Never could imagine it but I'm so glad. All thanks to human kindness and a little to my writing skills.

@темы: little treasures

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Ugh, now 4shared is waging a copyright war. It removed some file I didn't know even existed on my account and disabled public sharing. To enable it I have to promise there's nothing infringing anymore but hey I dunno about that since obviously every single file there is infringing, why else do I need it?I don't really use it much but I used it for storing my fanvideos and some other stuff and that it such a bitch.

@темы: bitching

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Pity Party

I got a week to myself. After so many years. I needed it, really. Of course it wasn't full of joy but towards the end I was able to find some inner peace. Now I wish it was longer but my time's up. Tomorrow the madness returns. For now...

@темы: video, snapshot

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Skyrim and other timewasters

So I'm officially in the Skyrim club although just barely. It was a long time coming but it feels natural. But before I talk about that, a few words of how it came to it.

I've been having this RPG itch for awhile now. I didn't give in to it though telling myself I've got Marvel Heroes but that is actually a very different thing, both in genre and the gameplay. So in the end a few days back I did a power move and deleted Sims to make the space for the game. Now the options are quite limited for good RPGs with pretty graphics and a character customization but I got a few in my cart. First of all I went for Pillars of Eternity. It was at #2 funded game on Kickstarter, had good reviews and it was brand new so I expected good things. What I got instead was average graphics, weird plot and too much gore (which is saying something considering it's a pretty old-school distanced RPG). It had a bit of Torment: Planescape feeling but the plot just wasn't worth it.

Then there was another one which seemed alright but the graphics turned out to be very disappointing. Got rid of it. That's when I got back to Skyrim. It wasn't that easy though, first I somehow manged to download the xbox version.



Currently Level 10 and I have so much to say about the game, good and bad. I've heard so much about it that I had high expectations but screens don't give you a real idea of the game.

The graphics are good, I'll give it that but I have many issues with the gameplay. With Drakensang everything was obvious and intuitive but here I had to actually google the simplest things. Took me quite some time just to figure out how to open and close inventory and such. I just don't get the lack of character screen, gearing is simply annoying. Same goes for skills as you can't really see the full picture. The leveling seems kinda primitive though I do like that you level a skill by using it, that makes a lot of sense.

The battles are difficult. You can't pause and gather your wits and there's no automatic battle mode. While the real-time effect is sort of refreshing it all happens so fast and I get really confused just figuring out where the enemy is a lot of the time. The companion system is also simplistic as fuck. You can't even talk to them and you can't give them direct orders during battle, they just copy your moves most of the time. I do like like the absence of classes though so you can master any skill you like without penalty. On top of that, it's not just bout the biggest weapon or the heaviest armour like in most RPG games, the heavy weapons and armour slow you down a lot so you really need to think which you gonna choose. Also I like the challenge of battles where with strong enemies you really need to figure out a strategy and use combination of shouts, magic and weapons to win.

I like the plot so far (who doesn't like dragons) though all the references like names and places are hard to take in at once. I like the interactiveness of the game, how the characters are very sensitive to their surroundings.

Despite the rather bleak imagery, I don't get too freaked out. Well, I do but it's tolerable. I have already successfully cleared a rather nasty dungeon with ghouls and traps so I should be good. But we shall see, definitely not 100% clearing guaranteed.

@темы: Games