I am hurt and confused and very angry. And I shouldn't be at this point but here I am.
TVXQ was 2 years of joy and 10 years of sorrow. First the SM trials full of confusion and endless waiting. Everyone angry, divided, lashing at the other side. I lost hope, I lost friends. Then it seemed like a victory, only to be followed by a sense of dissatisfaction and disappointment. JYJ didn't work, it just didn't and that hurt. I moved on but years ahead the rape charges hit like a ton of bricks. I wanted to believe him, I really did but there was no way to be sure. What was especially heartbreaking was the way everyone distance themselves from it. Which meant one of 2 things: either they're heartless bastards who didn't want to endangered their careers or they knew something we didn't. Not sure which is worse. He got through it though, somehow. The trial ended well, it made a huge damage but it cleared his name. Kinda. I finally started picking up again, on him and the Js, I tried to move on. The new album came out and I was happy for him, really was. But that didn't last long as another hell broke - the drugs. Yoochunnie fucked up. Again. Yoochunnie is facing 7 years in jail. I am disappointed more than I could imagine. I didn't give a fuck if he used drugs or not - hell, 99% of US artist do and don't even hide it. I'm disappointed because he specifically chose to lie to everyone including his fans, which was not only stupid as fuck, it ruined his credibility to the point where you start to question the previous charges. He had support and he used it so he doesn't deserve it anymore.
And I still think that imprisoning someone just for using a substance is ridiculous and obscene and helps noone. Espcially considering the Burning Sun case where pretty much everyone got away with it. But I think I ran out of pity. He dug his own hole, he knew what he was risking and he threw it all away.
It didn't just ruin everything that happens after this, even with Jae or Su, it effectively ruined everything good that was before, any possible nostalgia I had is tarnished. Be it TVXQ or K-pop in general. I don't feel like listening any TVXQ music now, let alone watch shows. All the tons of burned CDs I cherished and could let go of may just finally find a resting place. But what's possibly even worse than that, it just made me lose faith in humanity. Soulmates? Fuck this shit! If that didn't work, what does? I'm afraid to place my trust and affection on anyone but I'm only human and I can't. Now I can't help but wonder what dark secret others hold? If they lie when they profess their loyalty, teary-eyed and solemn.