Dear NEWS!
Congratulations on your 15th Anniversary!
I've only been looking over you for the last 5 years but to me, that is a long time. I've followed many bands but it never lasted that long before. The last boyband I gave my heart to promised to stay together forever but broke up after 5 years breaking my heart along the way so since then I decided not to get too attached to a band again, especially a boy band since they have no control over their activity.
And for a while it worked. It's ironic, really. I never had any interest in Johnny's bands and was annoyed when in 2006 my friends abandoned J-rock for KAT-TUN and Yama Pi. I heard about NEWS then, but it was only Yama Pi and Ryo everyone talked about and I didn't care about them. So when I met you again in 2013 as a group of 4 you were virtually unknown to me and though all the other JE bands before and after you failed to get my attention, you somehow did. I didn't even look at your PVs until a few months later, it was your personalities and the chemistry you have that got to me. You were entertaining and funny and intriguing. I've been too disillusioned in the past so I treated it like a temporary infatuation and yet, 5 years alter, here we are.
I'm not going to say I am your biggest fan because that is not true. There are plenty of people who love you more. Yet, you have become such a huge part of my life it's a little scary. For one, you often brighten my days just with your smiles or your silly antics. But truth be told, it's not the main point since there are other things that help me to keep me going.
I have a daily blog and for the past 5 years it's mostly about you. It makes me happy sharing your images and words and connecting with people from all over the world. I'm not one for being sentimental but if it wasn't for you, I would never meet the wonderful people who are my friends, people with whom I not only chat about fan stuff but can also talk about the most intimate things. This fandom is overwhelmingly nice and supportive and it makes me feel like I belong.
Whats even more important, is that my mum became a fan and now we are closer than we have even been. She absolutely adores Massu and we watch and discuss almost everything together and it's amazing. Whenever she's upset I put Nantoka Naru Sa on and it makes things a little better.
Though I don't have much respect for your music, you have managed to gain my respect in other ways. Koyama has to be one of the nicest people in existence and Massu is the embodiment of sugar and rainbows and unicorns but in the end, it was Tegoshi and Kato who are responsible for bounding me to this group, although in very different ways.
I noticed Tegoshi because of my interest in crossdressing but then I saw ItteQ and was thoroughly impressed. Since then, I've been fascinated with him. Not always in a good way. There are times when he makes me want to punch him (a sentiment I'm sure other NEWS members share) and also times when I admire and envy his strength and willpower. People sometimes ask me if I hate him and of course I don't but my feelings for him are complicated. He is full of contradictions and layers and he's many things but never boring. Unraveling him is exciting and it's one of the things that kept me interested these 5 years.
And then there is Kato who has gained more respect in my eyes than any other celebrity ever. Every time I think I can't admire him any more, he goes proves me wrong. There are many reasons for that. I first noticed Kato for his critical and cynical attitude, his maturity and sensibility which made him so relatable to me. But soon I realized he was so much more. He is very intelligent and educated but not arrogant, he is classy but not snobbish, he has his own opinions on everything and he's not afraid of talking about the important and controversial issues despite his idol status. I only read some of his stories but I genuinely likes them. I also respect him the most as an artist. After all, he's the only one who writes his own songs. There are few NEWS songs I like but I sincerely enjoy most of Kato's solos. His music is not phenomenal but it's unique. He knows his strong sides and uses them well. His music combined with his voice has a rare soothing quality and I treasure it.
But i'ts also the chemistry between all of you that entices me. The four of you being so different and still managing to understand and respect each other's needs, to combine your strengths and become one quirky unit. Though, to be honest, I don't really see you as a band. Not a music band anyway, more like an entertainment group. Still, you are many things. You stimulate me, educate me, allow me to express my sense of humour and creativity. Though I wrote stories before, when I began to write about you, my writing reached another level of fulfillment and became very important to me.
It's a little sad how we are probably never going to meet. Frankly, I'm not even sure I want to go to your concert. Why? Perhaps because I have too much pride. Paying a few hundred bucks just to be one of the thousands of people, just be allowed to see you for a few hours just feels wrong. You don't feel like idols to me, more like friends of the same age, someone I watch over and mature together with. Or maybe it's because the moment I see you you shall became real, tangible, and even more unreachable so I prefer to think of you as just characters on screen. I'm sure most fans won't understand this but this is a part of my complicated coping mechanism. I'm not sure you realize this but you don't sell music. What you sell is a fantasy - of strong friendship, of an ideal boyfriend or even of innocence. I am a travesty, a fan who hates being a fan. And yet... I wish I could look you in the eyes just once and smile just so that you know I exist, just to know our souls have brushed against each other for a brief moment.