It's been a few weeks now that I feel like a semi-functional, no, almost fully functional human being. I do have some stomach ache and I fight off depression every day but in terms of overall physical state, I feel good. Better than I have in a long time.
It's such a mysterious feeling - getting proper rest form sleep and being able to do normal daily tasks, not just one. I got so used to preserving my energy for the most essential things I almost don't know how to use it. So I test my limits. Normally, even a small workout such several push-ups would make my muscles ache the next day but this tie it only worked the first few days. After that, no matter how much I did sit-ups and all kinds of exercises, I feel fine. I used to get out of breath form one smile task such as cleaning something but now I can do it without problem. It's like - is this how normal people feel?
The saddest thing I realized was - yes, this is true. I am not lazy or passive. I really, truly can't do the things normal people do. And I want to think I don't care what anyone thinks - especially my sister - but the truth is if you're questioned for years and years and accused no matter how much you try to defend yourself, you start to question yourself. Now I fully realize that what I have to endure is a denial of my very existence and nobody should have to live through that.
I don't know how it started, I got better even before last treatment session - before I felt so shit I could't make it into the session. All I know is this will probably halt one day so until then I will try my hardest to use it and strengthen myself even a little bit.