君は来るだろうか　明日のクラス会に
半分に折り曲げた
案内』をもう一度見る
付き合ってた頃　僕ら手を繋ぎながら
歩いた並木道　たくさんの人がゆくよ

The only person apart from my relatives who calls me anymore is my former friend. We used to be sort of best friends in high school but that was so long ago and it was more of a convenient arrangement than affection. She seeked me out out of some nostalgic feeling which I don't really share and looks like it's going to be this way for awhile. Even if I do nothing to show my interest she still comes over because she likes to make people listen and likes pretty things.

Today she's been bitching about her former husband and how much of a douchebag he is (but she's not that much better), what a lazy ass her current bf is because he didn't do what she was supposed to (why'd she come here if she had things to do?) and how much of a bother her new kitten is (it's not like he likes being sick dammit). I listened and tried to be patient, just like 12 years ago. I really can't figure out if I even like her at all. I'd be ok if we never met again.

My school memories are hardly warm. It's mostly a permanent feeling of being controlled and oppressed, smoking in the alleys, the taste of cheap wine and vodka and weed, all the faces I never want to see again, the bitterness of love and failed friendships... Nothing I want to live again. But when she's here I can remember it all too well. When I listen to songs like Aoi Bench I kind of wish I had some good memories of my own to look back to. What if I did have those, a perfect images of youth - a sweet boyfriend. good friends, wise teachers, wonderful field trips - would it make me happier now? Or perhaps so broken I wouldn't be able to go on at all.