These days I've been playing a lot of Hidden Object games. I got pretty addicted to those. Also one thing I've noticed is that lately a lot of these games had a very similar villain - an evil witch, a young-looking beautiful witch who is fundamentally not that bad but somehow ended up as a real bitch. But this isn't really about games. Somehow I just realized that the real evil witch I have to face is the one inside of me.
I feel it quite often lately. I wonder if it's because of my efforts to loosen the ego that it's trying to inflate itself to freaky proportions. Like right now I'm not having a particularly bad period or anything but I've been very passive aggressive. I often get mad for some very trivial reasons. The funny thing is that I've been actually good at controlling my reactions, like I don't get as irritated at people in real life. But somehow some stupid thing like fandom issues can make me enraged in seconds, like a spoiled bratty child. I mean these things happened in the past but the most important thing is that now I understand how it works so today when I got mad because of something really stupid I did not act on it and made a stupid reaction into a stupid action. Neither did I torment myself with the usual: "what is wrong with me?" Instead I just let myself boil for awhile, thinking: "This isn't me, this is just some bullshit getting out". And after a few minutes the emotion just dissipated. It's as if a fog cleared and I was able to think straight again.
I think it might be a stage. Maybe my ego will just keep inflating until one day it just bursts like a bubble and I won't have a care in the world. Either way, I feel like I'm definitely having progress here, breaking patterns and liberating myself.