I wonder if it's a sign of maturity but I reached a stage where I realize fandom love is a passing thing and more importantly it doesn't bother me that much.

People often write "I will love them forever. They saved my life." It just seems like such a bullshit. Music isn't supposed to save lives. Music means the world to me but when I was at my worst music didn't even matter. All the FOREVER a Dear or Cassie or Number Six or whatever annoys me really. What is there to be proud about? And why should I feel guilty for switching fandoms? They don't even know who I am for God's sake.

Generally the Korean scene continues to disappoint. Within the last year there hasn't been a band or a drama or anything Korean that I would like. Not that I was looking specifically but, you know. The whole 5 years spent in love with Korea seem in a bit of a daze now. DBSK meant so much to me and now it's just 4 letters in the past. It is a little sad, but that's how it is. I mean, take Jaejoong, for example. I used to love so much and now I hardly care. I remember thinking he's human perfection in terms of looks and now he seems just above average to me. I did have those 180 changes in attitude regarding him before but my attitude doesn't seem to get better any more. He actually sort of annoys me with his never-ending attention whoring. I used to forgive that, saying it's his childhood trauma that did this but seriously boy, you're 27! time to grow up already! With Yoochun it's just growing cold. I have no real interest in his drama and I have increasingly low hopes that he releases something really good. But we shall see. Maybe if he grows his hair back... So for the last half a year or so I sort didn't have a favourite in JYJ but if I had to choose one I would probably choose Junsu. But surely in the view of recent events Junsu lost about 87859403475 points. To have so much talent and totally waste it... Stupid boy. For a moment there I actually though "Maybe they should have just stayed with SM. At least then this whoredome wouldn't happen." But of course that's not the answer either. Guess I'm just basically disappointed because I was hoping they would have more taste than this. Anyway.

Another thing that's happened recently is my change of attitude to shipping. I mean before I would always have one pairing that I would ship at a giver period of time. Well, with TVXQ there were 3 but they were still within the current fandom. Now that limitation is gone. Lately I remembered some of my old beloved pairings and even finished some old projects connected with them. I suppose it's a good thing especially since I really feel like reading good fanfiction and there's no chance of finding good stuff for my last two pairing any time soon.

These kinds of thoughts used to sort of make me feel disoriented, like I'm losing ground. But now I'm much more relaxed and I like the feeling of freedom and the flexibility. I can choose what to feel and what to care about. I can feel proud if my boys did great but if they failed big time I don't feel the need to be embarrassed.
Right now I don't want to think about what comes next. I'm happy in my fandom and hope to spend more time here.

I really wonder if reading Transerfing did have to do with this.