This post has been a long time coming, but I stalled. Because writing it breaks my own heart a little.

Where to start? Lately, I see how I gradually slip further and further away from the JYJ fandom. I barely save any photos these days and even feel too lazy to check the news. It seems almost as if fate itself or bad stylists assisted me seeing how no matter how I look at it I don't even find them that much attractive any more. Coincidentally all three of them have awful haircuts atm, it's really incomparable to how they looked a year ago. I seriously think Jaejoong never looked worse since the beginning of his career. But looks is just one thing. Another important note would be the stuff they release. For one I'm really disappointed at the fact that the album has only 10 songs, 6 out of which have already been released in Their Rooms. The fuck? And it's not the first time they do it either. As for the music itself... I'm afraid since I began to lose interest in them I also began to hear their music for what it really is: mediocre pop songs with great vocals. I've seen people praise the album, but I can't even if I wanted to. I barely listened to it once. Right now it seems... not bad, just plain boring. And the MV's... I find In Heaven ridiculous. Sorry, Junsu, but you can't act. Get Out is just average. I haven't watched Protect the Boss either and frankly don't feel like it.

All of a sudden I just sort of stopped feeling like I awe them something and don't feel like defending them like I used to. And honestly it's kind of liberating not trying to make myself like the stuff that I find barely passable. They do have great potential but sadly I doubt they will ever make full use of it. All in all I feel JYJ will need to do something really impressive to win me back.

Currently I am seriously annoyed at all the bitching and moaning on my friends-list. Yes, I was in anguish too during the first year especially. We were all hurt and disappointed. I was also kind of angry at people who fleed to other fandoms. But it's been two fucking years. It seemes like the easy way out, even betrayal maybe. If someone told me I would ditch it so suddenly I would find it hard to believe. But now that I did it it seems so natural and I feel no guilt whatsoever. A lot of things happened recently that made me feel like there must be more to life than this. Maybe I just matured. But that's another story.

The scariest thing is knowing that something you absolutely adored for years now doesn't interest you much. But that's how is goes. I realized staying in one fandom for too long is not stimulating at all. Over 4 years a really long time. With TVXQ I know way too much. There's hardly a picture or a video where I can't tell when and where it was taken. It's kind of scary even. So with A9 it was like a breath of fresh air, I love discovering new personalities and the bonds between them. The music level is just incomparable. It's a really small fandom and I feel like I can do so much to make it better. Although I went so clinical that only a few months into it I already know more than the old fans.

On a sad pragmatic note, because of TVXQ I am already imagining how things will turn out if they were to disband one day. I mean, it's obvious who will stick with whom and who I will stick with. But I really hope it won't happen. I have no idea how long I will stay in A9 fandom since I seem to move at a scary pace, but I hope it will last longer. Maybe one of the reasons why I am so fidgety and impatient is because I'm afraid I might have another change of heart so I'm trying to make the most of it.

There, I said it. If anyone finds this post offensive feel free to bitch about it or unsubscribe. Seriously, I'll understand.