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Survival Philosophy at 2 AM

I can't imagine my life without music and fandom. I'm a pathological fan from the age of 8. Yet, I never understood it when people said "such and such bands saved my life". Music isn't supposed to save you. It can't. Music can encourage you, give you strength. But what you really need in life is a core and that core cannot be borrowed, it can only be implemented or created by you.

What I mean is, I realized bravery doesn't mean not being afraid. It's doing the things that you're afraid of doing. My care, my strength in life is not music or an artist, those just help me along the way. My strength in life is my integrity.

I never steal, I never betray, I almost never lie which actually makes my life harder and I don't let myself be wronged. Basically, they aren't rules, they're just things that I feel are right. If I feel something is wrong I try to fix it. Whether it's an inner discomfort from knowing I did something wrong or an outer problem that I feel I need to solve, it doesn't matter. I feel restless and nerve-wrecked until I make things right.

And it's not easy living this way, it's really not. Every time when I know I need to make a big decision I sweat and I shake and I panic and I procrastinate but I know if I back off I will feel like a coward, I'll become smaller. In the end it always pays off. Because what it gives me is something really important, something priceless. A clear conscience and a sense of pride. I'm not proud of my country or my face or my favourite band. I'm proud of myself because I always try to make the decisions that will make me feel good about myself.

Maybe I'm poor and friendless and have a ton of issues but I will never call myself a loser. Because I win every day, even if it's just winning at not breaking. And I won't break because I have a core that's very strong.

I have a number of heroes who I respect and admire and learn from but in the end my Number 1 Hero is me.

@темы: myself, musings, essay

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@темы: myself

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WTFucking forever...

Nice boobies, Shou baby.

@музыка: 東方神起 - Love Is Never Gone

@темы: Shou, Visual Shoxx, Alice Nine

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After controversy over Jaejoong's sudden twitter deactivation and trip to the hospital, C-JeS Entertainmnet has released a statement regarding the singer's recent activity. According to Jaejoong's agency, the singer's twitter account was hacked by someone. Due to the invasion of his account, Jaejoong decided that he will be leaving twitter.

That's kinda sad. He had over a million followers too. Anyway, it feels kinda weird with me getting Twitter to follow the three of them and now two of them quit while Junsu started another account which I didn't bother following. So now it's pretty much just me and Alice Nine.

@темы: JYJ, Jaejoong, news

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Etre un héros, plonger dans la brume,
Défier le hasard...
Coup d'épée dans l'eau, si je résume,
Je me rêve le soir.
Moi j'ai l'air d'un homme,
Bourru comme un saule en somme.

J'ai tout fait pour me croire plus fort que fort,
J'ai tant de fois perdu le nord.
Et face à la vie mon coeur se défile,
Je me sens fragile...

Christophe Willem, Fragile

@темы: lyrics

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I got up at 14 and currently listening to early TVXQ. Not good, not good.

@темы: myself

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South Sudan just got lucky. Gee, thanks a lot, Youtube.



Fuck this shit.

@темы: WTF?

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25 oct 12, 16:02
FlorPotter: @swoon21: Thank you so much for your translations and for your support!!

I want to keep these things and store them for the times when I feel down.

Fantasy Alice Nine has not only translated most of my stuff into Spanish. Now they made subtitles from my translation of the Hot Wave show. I remember feeling down because I spent so much time on it and I didn't get many comments. But now I know it wasn't in vain. I feel happy seeing a hardsubbed video based on my translation. Too bad I don't know any Spanish.

These guys are so cool. I can't help but admire their dedication. They've done so much with just two people running the blog. I just got motivation for translating more stuff. As soon as I get some time, I'll try to get back to Shou's blog which I put aside temporarily because it's like a damn encrypted journal.

FlorPotter: that’s so sweet ;___; Thank you so much for your support and for uploading your amazing translations!

@темы: fandom

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Top 10 Male Vocals

I'm surprised I haven't done this yet. Note that this rating is not of who I think are the best singers, it has little to do with professional skills. It is basically the voices I love the most. This time I wasn't even lazy to do notes. Also the numbers actually don't mean much, it's impossible to rate them properly since some of these couldn't be more different.

1. Park Yoochun
I think it's exactly the kind of voice they say can get you pregnant. XD Like, seriously. It's deep, it's raw and has that raspy quality I love so much, plus he can really hit them high notes so when he goes all the way up it's like woah! I keep bitchin' about how his voice doesn't get used like it should, most songs don't do it justice. That's why I like it when he does covers.
Song: Drunken Confession (취중진담

2. Hyde
He's just amazing. I think I will never stop wondering "where the heck does that huge voice come from?" He has an impressive range but unlike with Gackt it doesn't seem to take any effort for him to flow from low to high tones and back. When he sings ballads his voice is like a bird soaring in the sky.
Song: Anemone

3. Koyasu Takehito
Let me make love to that voice! He is not even a singer but I can listen to him forever. His voice is so deep but not too low and somehow very soothing at the same time.
Song: Tomorrow

MORE

4. Kim Jaejoong
My Mum says he has a voice of an angel. I can see why. I mean it's really pure and pleasant to listen to. Yet I also wish he would do some rock songs, his voice is really well-suited for it. I loved his version of "Maze". I also love it when he hits them high notes. In early days of TVXQ he used to have song with soprano adlibs but since then he never does that. All in all, I wish he had songs to fully realize his amazing potential.
Song: For You

5. Gackt
Especially before 2005, dunno what happened there. I don't have much to say about it. It's just low and cool and has huge range. It's also the only one I actually heard with my own ears. And it was pretty fucking awesome let me tell you. Especially the Dark Angel voice.
Song: Fragrance

6. Dave Gahan
Dave's voice changed a lot through the years. At first it was a bit too high for my liking, now it's too low so my favourite period is circa 85-90. Coincidentally that's also the time when most of my favourite songs were released.
Song: Strangelove

7. James Dean Bradfield
James' voice feels like home. It's not unusual, on the contrary it's kind of really classic, the kind they don't make these days) I was quite disappointed by his solo album though. So it's on my musical hope list that one day he releases a cover album full of old classic songs. That'd be awesome.
Song: Door To The River

8. Christophe Willem
I'm not even sure this fits into the 'male' category very well, but technically... Christophe is amazing. He gave me the cognitive dissonance of my life and I was captivated ever since. His voice is powerful, tender, elegant and kind very French.
Song: Si Mes Larmes Tombent

9. Dryden Mitchell
Dryden's voice is everything a hard rock vocalist's voice should be, powerful and raw. It was love at first listen.
Song: Movies

10. Jang Geun Suk
In terms of skill he's very lacking. Also his album pretty much sucked. But that doesn't change the fact that his voice has this amazing tender and soothing quality.
Song: Bye Bye Bye

So that's 6 Asians and 4 Caucasians. Looks a little racist. I guess it's too late to add Kenna now)

PS: Shou, I'm sorry, love! You know how I feel about you. Junsu, you are one of the best vocalists ever but, you know...

@темы: list

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Alice9 Channel 2012.10.26

The Madness Continues...



I was almost sort of glad that Shou wasn't on this Shou. I had too many impressions of him lately, it's better to use smaller doses. Plus I wouldn't want him to get hurt and some thing in this show were outright sadistic. I was glad about Saga too. At first my favourite line-up consisted of Tora, Shou and Hiroto, but even though I love Hiroto more than, say, Nao, the boy is just not funny. He's the most normal of the bunch.

Anyway, today's show was basically funny. I laughed a lot. Especially the second half of it.

Notes:

Tora looks fucking hot! Love the new hair and the outfit)
He also had a sore throat which only made him sound even hotter than usual, the bastard!
Saga is such a crazy bastard, but I kind of love him.
The sit-ups! I was, like, "Woah! Someone's been working out.
Lol at Nao's shirt!))
Thumbs up for SagaxNao!

@музыка: Depeche Mode - Strangelove

@темы: A9 Channel, Alice Nine

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Come on, Alice9 Channel, make my fucking life complete for an hour!

@темы: A9 Channel

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I've been checking people's profiles on tumblr and I once again I felt like an old geezer. It was the same with livejournal. Like, seriously, is there anyone over 20? Maybe I'm really way too old for this shit. Damn. This is so depressing. I'll just go take my cane and feed the pigeons.

@темы: fandom

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Tarot Cafe

Finally finished the Tarot Cafe. I'm really not into manga but this one is really brilliant. The graphics are awesome, the characters are androgynous as hell, the plot is very twisted but there's some deep meaning hidden within, plus there's some humour and shounen-ai. Great mix.


All in all, I think the plot is a bit too complicated. I'm not even sure how I feel about the ending either. I suppose it's one of those cases when the plot gets so dramatic and deep that everything sort of loses its meaning.

@темы: review

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I thought I had a personality disorder, but then I realized I just speak in different languages.

Seriously though. I've been actively speaking 4 languages within the past week. It's a little disorienting, with every language I become a slightly different person. And it's like I'm not sure which one is the real me any more.

@темы: myself, musings

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The Sims is being a real bitch again. I had major problems with my game so I was worried that it's the graphics card, then the crash log analyzer told me it's the CC. In the end it seems like it's neither. It's just the perpetual problem of Sims - old games get inevitably damaged. It really sucks for me because I like to play really slow, take my time and also customize everything. This time I had most of the population custom made and worked on the relationships and all. The last thing I did was the wedding. I managed to save it but it doesn't load any more. Even the older save doesn't load.

The logical thing to do now is just wait for Seasons ans in the meanwhile think about setting up separate EPs. The problem is it may seem like SPs are useless but they provide meshed for CC and stuff so you never know hat goes down.



My boys will have to start all over again. I may try to use the Porter but last time it totally failed.

@темы: Sims 3

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Місто Лева

Нарешті я вдома. Страшенно втомилась. То була важка подорож, хоча я це передбачала. Були моменти, коли я дуже жаліла, що не неї погодилась, намагалась зважити всі плюси і мінуси, однак зараз все це не має значення. Вона відбулась і не має сенсу тепер вірішувати для себе це питання.

Це був мій третій візит, але враження від кожного з них зовсім різні. Загалом сценарій полягав у тому, щоб у три дні втулити якумога більше всього, а я це дуже не люблю. Погода була гарна і нібито поскаржитись нема на що, але в цілому для мене все це було якось не своєчасно. Місто дуже гарне, з чудовою архітеркутою і чарівними кавянями і якесь дуже цілісне, однак мене туди не тягне. Дивно, але у Москві я себе почуваю більше вдома, ніж там. Це ніби зовсім інша країна, зі своєю мовою і традиціями, це насправді Європа і я не відчуваю себе там чужою. Патріот з мене завжди був поганий, хоча справа не лише в цьому.

Що зі мною таке? Нібито і гарних вражень багато, але зараз мені навіть не хочеться про все це думати, хочеться взагалі забути про все, що трапилось останні чотири дні. До того ж треба стількі всого наздогнати. А тепер можна забути мову ще на кілька років.

@темы: report

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Часа через 3 должна быть на вокзале и нихера ещё не собрана. Очень надеюсь, что поездка пройдет хорошо, насколько это возможно в моём случае. В общем, меня не будут до воскресенья. Увидимся позже!

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Bishounen of the Year Award

I did have an idea of what a perfect male body should look like, well, by my standards obviously, but none of my favourite artists embodied that. Not actors, not musicians, some had fine bodies but to me they were either too scrawny or too bulky or just not the right bone structure but today I saw this photo and thought: This is it! I never would have imagined it would be him of all people. Before he used to look so...flat, nothing to look at, really. And now... Just wow. Looking forward to the photoshoot.



PS: I freaked out a little at first because it looked like freckles on his chest. But it's silver paint. Rawr.
PPS: Did he not shave? O_o It's all IV's influence I bet.

@темы: ViViD