Записи с темой: fanfix (список заголовков)
02:47 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
"I can't say no to your face, stupid," Shige goes on, and something inside Tegoshi swells.



It's odd, really. I barely write about fanfiction lately but there you go - two posts in a row. And concerning the same author too. Just when I lost all hope... I saw the light. I can already tell this has been an experience that shall be one of the year's highlights so I need to write about it.

I did a few prompts with authors I loved in the past but it never really worked out and it was then that I started writing myself. But this is a valuable life lesson. I tried again without expecting much. Hell, enough time passed that I was almost sure she would never write it and I was ok with that. And yet she did after all and it was good beyond any of my expectations.

I requested a fluff and got a full novel. This fic gave me 50 shades of feels and I rarely get a few. This just hit so many points for me on so many different levels. I laughed, I “aww”ed and I shuddered a lot. Can’t remember the last time a fic made me feel that way. I mean I can remember a few, such as kandadze's stuff which was 10 years ago. But the thing is, as much I liked her works there were many things about them that didn't sit well with me. In fact, if I look back on them I begin to wonder what even was it about them that I loved so much. I mean I know what it was but it would absolutely not work with me now.

I've always been very picky. Only one pairing per fandom and a lot of specifics for characterization and relationship dynamics. And as I started to write my own stuff my standards got even higher. Now that I created my own world, I found it even harder to enjoy things that contradicted it significantly. In this fandom in particular, any decent fic was years away and the past few years I was so engrossed with my own writing I hardly even reread anything. So basically at this point I pretty much given up on reading something really good. And yet - a miracle has happened! I waited for the night to come and sat in to read, anticipation mixed with fear of another disappointment. But it never came.

Everything about it was great - the general concept, the characterization, the relationship, the humour. There are so many things I like about this fic, it’s almost weird in a way. It’s like she read my mind. Even the smut was amazing. My own story “Benefits” is somewhat similar but I feel like this one is on a different level. I love the way she portrayed them both. It's a little different from mine but in an interesting and valid way. Besides, I can oddly sympathize with Tegoshi’s POV. I can understand the complicated feelings that come when you tend to abruptly lose interest in someone or something. And Shige’s casual sexy being a danger in the workplace is so real.

In a way it made me a little sad that she could create something so great in such a short time while I struggle with my works for months, sometimes years. In a way I almost felt like "I can even step down now. I am humbled and my work here is done." But that's just being pleasantly dramatic. I love writing. I never aimed to be the best at it but I know I'm good and people enjoy my stories. Besides, I'm pretty sure she borrowed a few ideas from me.

So I spent a few hours reading and I took my time knowing you only read a good fic one time for the first time. I almost teared up, really. Not because I was touched by the story, it wasn't dramatic, but just from the joy of knowing there can be good things when you don't expect them. To me it was so much more than a good fic, it was a promise, a hope and a reminder that you have to try and that's the only way to get good things. I clearly remembered - moments like this is the reason why I fandom. I do not expect another fic like it, for now I'll just see it as a single blessing but that is more than enough.

Man... I’d probably sell my soul for this fic. Glad I didn’t have to.

@темы: fanfix

03:38 

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I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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01:32 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I bitched about a writer's block and my friend goes "Do you have a first draft ready?" Ha. Hahah. She said"first draft". Like how do people write the whole text down, start to end and then just edit?? This is a mystery to me. How?? Do you have a voice in your head that just dictates the words? I write all over the place - bits of dialogue, ideas, phrases. Start, end, middle, bits in between. Rewriting, shifting parts back and forth... My last fic was a big fucking puzzle, I legit highlighted different themes in different colours to make sure they all connect in a right way.

@темы: fanfix

00:57 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Finally gave in and started an AOO account. I've contemplated it for years but it didn't seem to make much sense but it feels like any potantial audience left LJ years ago. Well, it is done. I've hestitated about TVXQ stuff but I posted it anyway. I guess I feared my fics might cause a strong reaction but more than that I fear they will get no reaction at all.

archiveofourown.org/users/Swoon21/works

@темы: fanfix

00:54 

Of Sprites and Polaroids: an inside view

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
It is over now. It's been 15 month almost but I did it. However, I don't feel the slightest joy or even relief. I'd like to think the time is the only one to blame here. Maybe that's the downside of any long story - by the time you write and edit it and polish ever word you lost the last drop of excitement that fueled you to write it. It's a scary and familiar feeling - putting your heart into something and watch it lie there as people pass it by. Of course, I regret nothing and I am proud of my work. But I very much doubt I can ever do anything like this again, anything so big.

When I began to write my writing seemed like just a patchwork of someone else's ideas. Now I think that imitation is unavoidable but it doesn't mean that the creation does not mean anything or doesn't belong to you. Looking back though, I got inspiration from so many places... Bad Reputation and other college fics, Love Rain, Fujoshi Kanojo, Taiikukan Baby, a bit of Cather in the Rye, maybe even a glimpse of my favourite book and of course some very painful personal experiences. But I only used them as references and nobody would be able to trace them back even if they tried. This story is mine. Very much mine. It would not be an overstatement to say that it's one of my biggest achievements.

I did the masterpost complete with the trailer and all the artwork, all like I planned but I hesitated for awhile since there's still one picture that beckons me to write some more, an epilogue. Yet, now I feel so cold inside I can't even begin to write down even the little image that I have.


@темы: fanfix

15:39 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Damn, I spent a whole week praying for rain or at least clouds because I couldn’t revise and post the 4th chapter in the fucking perfect weather wit the birds singing. And every day they promised rain it never came. Today it’s only somewhat cloudy but I had to work with that. Watched a sad scene from a film, put some sad music on and made myself depressed. I did so well I cried on the last scene. Good fucking job. I’m crazy, I swear. At least it is done.

Ugh, gonna go and post some cute Koyama and get myself undepressed.

@темы: fanfix

00:06 

Trailer

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...


Ok, it is done. No going back now.

@темы: fanfix

01:54 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I've got 2 stories that are almost finished. Not just that but a ton of artwork and even a longish trailer. I've been working on all of these the past few days. Yet, I have this fear that sort of makes me slow down and delay it. I know that once they're out there and I get my 5 comments it'll be over, lost in the cruel open digital space. My fanworks are really some of the things I am most proud of in my life. It's something very important and very intimate and in a way it's baring my heart and then facing rejection. My last work is especially intimate, I invested so much of myself into it. Of course I'll finish them soon enough but I also kind of dread the inevitable heartbreak.

@темы: fanfix

00:53 

Undress

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo Undressposter1.jpg

Another story I started later that OSaP and finished before it. But it's much shorter and simpler and I thought I'll get it out of the way. That sounds too harsh probably. I like the story (though not as much as Benefits), it was spinning in my head for pretty long so in September I sat and wrote the first scene and it went from there. I wrote it fairly fast considering I was working on 2 stories simultaneously. I kinda got stuck at the last part though. I was worried that this whole resolution part was too similar in all 3 of my stories but I can't really help it. I worried this long heavy dialogue would ruin the light cheerful story but I guess I couldn't just skip the talk without sorting everything out.

Overall, I'm happy with it. I think this story is the closest to romantic comedy I ever written. I know I still lack in some ways. Long dialogues are my weakness and I'm not great at creating atmosphere. I think I did achieve a better storytelling but I wish I had more smoothness. I still feel like I have gaps that I end up filling rather clumsily. But for a short simple story it was nice. I also did a good job with the artwork. The concept was a must and I did my best. It's kind of gross how I finished this just before Valentines but oh well. Good job!

@музыка: 加藤シゲアキ - Dreamcatcher (I hate you)

@темы: fanfix

22:47 

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I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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02:05 

I'm a Genius (Again) or How To Rehash OOC

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Last night I learned a trick. Actually, I've been thinking about that for awhile but I only did it last night.

I've been missing good fanfiction since the TVXQ demise about 5 years ago. I mean sure there were some good ones from time to time but not nearly enough after the abundance I was used to. The Alice Nine fandom had very little to offer. Aside from all the teenage crap there were only a couple of authors who could write well but somehow nearly all of them always went very OOC. I know everyone has slightly different take on things but a lot of the stories were so unimaginable that I was simply unable to enjoy them. With NEWS there was even less to read. However, to my surprise almost all the stories I did read were pretty good. But for my OTP I exhausted all resources very quickly. Then recently an awesome idea came to me. I remembered some of the OOC stories that were quite good and miraculously the characters in them corresponded with my current OTP a lot more than they did to the characters they were written for. Now, I know, it's a bizarre idea. I've see some girls do that a couple of times. You know, taking a HP fic and changing the names... it was awfully dumb. But then if you take bad!fic you can only get bad!fic. "Drastic times call for drastic measures" I thought last night and gave it a try. But... it worked. IT FUCKING WORKED! Fitted like a puzzle. I already did this to about 5 fics and looking for more. This is cheating and there's a bit of an aftertaste but I don't care. I got a bunch of stories, good stories. Christmas came early.

@темы: fanfix

02:31 

Benefits - otsukare!

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo Final-Take1.jpg photo Final-Take2.jpg

It took me half a year an a lot of frustration and insight to finally finish this fic. It ended up being my longest story up to date with over 6.000 words and I have to say I gained some confidence with it. I worked hard on characterizations and tried to create a balance of sexy, amusing, cute and touching scenes. I think I did well. There are very few Tegoshige stories so this time I didn't even have any fics to steal ideas from, it really feels like mine. Basically, I can say that this story is a cornerstone, it lays the foundation for other fics and I already have the next one in the works which will be an AU and allow me more liberty.

I only got 5 comments so far but they were all very excited and that makes me happy.

@темы: TegoShige, fanfix

04:12 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I was really intent on writing smut but I'm 700 words in and it's nowhere near smut. I am such a failure.... *cries in the corner*

@темы: fanfix

18:20 

To Catch A Falling Star [AU]

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo tumblr_mgjg5cUN7E1qb2qa8o2_250.gif photo tumblr_mgjg5cUN7E1qb2qa8o3_250.gif photo tumblr_mgjg5cUN7E1qb2qa8o4_250.gif


Some books make you laugh.
Some make you cry.
Some make you think.
But some books change your life.


It's a really beautiful and powerful story and this amazing gifset really does its justice. A perfect collaboration.

Right now I'm writing my own stories. I really feel like writing finally became easier for me, that I began to write faster and sharper. This fandom gave me a high standard and I really want to fulfill everyone's expectations, to contribute something really good for people to read. I'm already over 3.000 on my main fic and nearing 2000 on my AU one and it's going good and I love it.

@темы: fanfix, TegoShige

02:02 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I don't know if it's normal to cry so much while writing your own story. And it's not like anyone's dying and it's not tragic at all just me and my stupid emotions. It's just emotions taking me over...

@музыка: Destiny's Child - Emotions

@темы: fanfix

05:01 

who gives a shit about titles anyway?

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I realized that while I began writing these two stories they aren't really what I originally planned.

Let's see:

- I was going to write a college!au that started with a prank but I ended up writing the opening scene involving a soccer ball and the whole point of it is different. Hmm, I like what I wrote but I also think my original idea was pretty good and it would be a shame to pass it.

- I was also going to write a non-AU that started with a bet and a nightclub but instead I ended up writing the opening scene about a drunken accident leading to an arrangement.

Come to think of it neither of those I wrote have anything to do with crossdressing. And I want to write at least one. Well, either way I really like what I have so far and I'm going to try to write very day even if just a little. I'll see how that goes. The problem is that I have too much inspiration.

@темы: fanfix

06:14 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Another 830 words. For a NEW fic. Oh, my. I really hope I can finish at least one of them.

@темы: fanfix

04:32 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I did it. Last night I wrote two drabbles, well mostly wrote, and also the whole first scene of my college fic. I don't know if I'll finish it but writing makes me kinda happy so that's all that matters. All that should matter anyway.

@темы: fanfix

04:40 

no signal, no complaints

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
It's been about 4 months but I have yet to make a video or start a story. I did begin to make one but somehow I lack motivation to try and put it together. As for the stories... I already read all there was and I feel like I have become better at writing but something is wrong. I really want to wrote something Tegoshige, I crave to write it, even if it's a drabble but words don't come to me. I have a feeling of what I want to write and a dozen of intricate plots but I can't really start writing. I know I have to concentrate on one thing, more than anything I think I'd want to write a college AU and I probably can achieve it if I put my mind to it but I can't find it in me. The lack of readership certainly doesn't help.

@темы: bitching, fanfix

01:40 

And the Door Opened...

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Last night I got into a fit of anger and frustration. But I forged it into something beautiful.

 photo Flames.jpg

It is done. I had this story 95% written by September but then shit hit the fan... the fan being me and all of my creative juices ran dry. But I wanted to finish this story no mater what. So I waited. Yesterday I felt it was time to try so I sat down and completed the last part, took it over 5.000. I love each and every single piece I've written but I really think this one is special, more whole and mature. And since it's AU I had a lot more freedom with the story so it feels like a fully original piece of art which is kind of amazing. I'm more than satisfied with it. Took me forever to decide on the title but I like this idea and I also like the banner. It may be simplistic but it's mine.

This is probably my last work in this fandom. Though I have a few drafts they're all at early stages and I don't think I have it in my to put so much of me into this. But never say never.

@темы: ToraxShou, fanfix

The Diary of a Graphomaniac

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