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Записи с темой: nostalgic pushead (список заголовков)
18:05 

Barbara

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
My first Barbie doll, I got her at about 10 I think. Those were expensive at the time and we didn't really have money. She was a Sun Jewel 1993 Barbie and was the cheapest one at 10$. I didn't like her though. I hated the pink swimsuit and the blond hair and the dumb look on her face. I didn't like her as much as I liked Diane, my older doll but she was brand new. Contrary to what one might expect, I never played carefully. My sister barely touched her sirer Barbie but I felt like if you don't play with it, what's the point? So she went through a lot of things, including an unsuccesful hair dye. I think I wanted to make her Esmeralda or something. In the end, when my playtime was over she was left with ugly grey hair and damaged make-up.

After that I haven't seen her for years but at some point I found her and tried to redo her make-up which only made her look worse. She spent more years in the deep of the closet until recently. Something made me dig her out and give her a final makeover. I removed the remains of the previous makeover and repainted her face once again carefully. More importantly, I dyed her hair blue. I took a week trying various ways finally setting for a sharpie. It wasn't neat at all the colour is kinda uneven but that's fine. That's ok. I also gave her one of the new dresses. I was gonna give her the purple one but turns out it's way too small for her. Funny how they made new "curvy" Barbies but also made the normal ones thinner. Anyway, I like how she looks now. She looks edgy kind of and more adult. Be well, Barbara.

 photo Barbara.jpg

@музыка: Sia - Never Gonna Leave Me

@темы: little treasures, Nostalgic Pushead

00:23 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
While taking a short break from the fandom and the hell that is “Emma” I just watched the movie “Suffragette”. It ended with me listening to the song “Emily” by the Manic Street Preachers, dedicated to Emily Pankhurst, and thinking how low I sank in these 12 years. Such similar titles, such different songs.

@темы: snapshot, movies, Nostalgic Pushead

01:22 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Fuck Jim! Fuck Janis! Fuck Brian! Fuck Kurt! Fuck Jimmy! And fuck you too, Richey just for good measure! Bitchez, I'm alive!

- this has been a promise to my 17-year old self. This middle aged woman keeps her word. That is all. This is where I move on.

@темы: myself, milestone, Nostalgic Pushead

20:34 

青いベンチ

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo IMG_0457.jpg

君は来るだろうか 明日のクラス会に
半分に折り曲げた
案内』をもう一度見る
付き合ってた頃 僕ら手を繋ぎながら
歩いた並木道 たくさんの人がゆくよ

The only person apart from my relatives who calls me anymore is my former friend. We used to be sort of best friends in high school but that was so long ago and it was more of a convenient arrangement than affection. She seeked me out out of some nostalgic feeling which I don't really share and looks like it's going to be this way for awhile. Even if I do nothing to show my interest she still comes over because she likes to make people listen and likes pretty things.

Today she's been bitching about her former husband and how much of a douchebag he is (but she's not that much better), what a lazy ass her current bf is because he didn't do what she was supposed to (why'd she come here if she had things to do?) and how much of a bother her new kitten is (it's not like he likes being sick dammit). I listened and tried to be patient, just like 12 years ago. I really can't figure out if I even like her at all. I'd be ok if we never met again.

My school memories are hardly warm. It's mostly a permanent feeling of being controlled and oppressed, smoking in the alleys, the taste of cheap wine and vodka and weed, all the faces I never want to see again, the bitterness of love and failed friendships... Nothing I want to live again. But when she's here I can remember it all too well. When I listen to songs like Aoi Bench I kind of wish I had some good memories of my own to look back to. What if I did have those, a perfect images of youth - a sweet boyfriend. good friends, wise teachers, wonderful field trips - would it make me happier now? Or perhaps so broken I wouldn't be able to go on at all.

@темы: snapshot, bitching, Nostalgic Pushead

18:37 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Сестра прислала статью Разоблаченный Кастанеда. Прямо по детству. :weep3:

@темы: Nostalgic Pushead, issues

14:07 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I actually had Nicky and Sean appear in my sleep last night. That's from restoring my MSP folder yesterday. So nostalgic. They're like family by now. I check on them every few years to see how they're going, professionally and personally. Turns out Nicky has a boy as well as Clara and Sean has 3 kids by now. James still doesn't have any which bothers me for some reason. I'm still not quite ready to accept all of my past with them, the scars are too deep, but I'm sure I will some day.

@темы: Dreams, Nostalgic Pushead

17:41 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Waking up again
To the same old thing
To the same old songs
To the same old pain

I felt the sunset overland
And it made me fight again
But tomorrow came too quick
And I went back to bed again

Cocooned in this world
Where every single thing hurts
Bones broken up inside
Look at the boredom in my eyes


MSP, "Groundhog Days"

@темы: Nostalgic Pushead, lyrics

14:31 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
And so for every disappointment there's an exaltation. He may not be that pretty, but damn this man is amazing.


And there's new album out ! Yay!

@темы: Nostalgic Pushead

19:13 

In memoria

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Lately my mind has been restless, going back in time to a place where something very important began. It was exactly 6 years ago on a Sunday like today that I went to a meeting that changed my life forever. It was a regular meeting of the Kiev J-Rock club - G.R.A.I.L.S. Out of my readers at the moment perhaps only one person was once a member. Ah, I'm feeling so old. The club only existed for a short time, a little over a year, but it became something very important to the people who were a part of it. For my part, I remember well that for the first time in my entire life I felt like I found a place where I belonged. I remember thinking: "THIS IS IT."We were all really young and a little bit crazy each in our own way, naive but not at all innocent and when we got together it was really fun. The thing is we didn't talk about music that much but whatever we talked about we understood each other and that was the most precious thing.

There were a few dozens of us and I never found out the real names of most. Makes it awkward if I meet someone by accident. We hugged when we met and parted and it fascinated me because honestly even though there were many people I really meant it every time. Well, at least before some newcomers arrived and things started to fall apart. But I'm not blaming anyone, nothing good lasts forever.

We made 5 parties in total, I think and I sang in 3 of them. We had karaoke and contests and stuff and it was sometimes lame but some times really cool but all in all it really was a place of our own. Then the arguments began and fractions and in the end it was inevitable, really. Eventually half the people gave in to the J-Pop invasion and the other half went back to the anime community and it was the end of it.

I have 1970 files in my G.R.A.I.L.S. folder which is mostly photos and I also have videos from 2 of the parties. I surely can't post any of that though since I don't want to infringe anyone's privacy so I'll post flyers instead.

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As I write about it heavy feelings weight down my heart and there's a lot of pain embedded so I try not to give in to all the memories still so vivid in my mind. But I don't want to forget because it was a very important part of my life and a huge turning point. I'm grateful for everything that happened for it brought me here but hopefully for now my mind can rest and move on. R.I.P., G.R.A.I.L.S.

@музыка: HYDE - The Cape of Storms

@темы: Nostalgic Pushead, myself

18:04 

Down the memory lane...

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I ripped all the DVD's... Damn, I can't believe it all happened about 8 years ago. It's funny how the things that seemed cool and meaningful now appear stupid and useless. I mean back in high school I thought Placebo's lyrics were so exciting and different from mainstream and now most of them seems so fucking pointless. To a straight person anyway. Now I much prefer simple lyrics that actually have a message to all this drug-induced bullshit.

But of course even more memories come up with MSP videos. Hell, there was so much to it. Now I can look back and see it for what it was. So bitter-sweet. Even though it's been so long and I'm at a completely different place now when I look at this video my heart responds to every second of it.


They've been around for 22 years, just 2 years longer than Laruku, but such a different story.

Now that I look at all of it I realize that rock musicians are so not good role-models for the kids. Especially the British ones. But I don't blame myself. It's a big part of my history. It's just like Tora said, all these things even if they were painful brought me to where I am now. And I like this current myself a lot.

@темы: Nostalgic Pushead

23:47 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Feeling nostalgic today. Just out of the blue I downloaded the pilot episode of SeaQuest. It's kind of amazing, I've seen it 14 years ago and I still remember it overall as well as some specific parts. I lived through this series in about 5th grade, I hurried from school every day not to miss it. Mostly because I was madly in love with Jonathan Brandis. Poor Johnny. I only found out about his fate a few years ago and it felt as if a part of me died that day.

@темы: Nostalgic Pushead

21:55 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I think I'm done with DM videos. This time I tried not to go overboard and downloaded only the ones I really need. There's some really interesting stuff there. When I watch those I can't help but think: "Now that's real music! Unlike your Korean kids!)))" Then again people who think Depeche Mode was always cool haven't seen videos like Leave In Silence! XDDD


@темы: Nostalgic Pushead, OCD

21:26 

Street Fighter Zero

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Помню когда я пошла в школу начали появляться первые приставки. И картриджи - такие желтые, квадратные пластмассовые хрени с играми. Какие они были желанные! Но тогда мне так и не удалось в них поиграть. И вот сейчас наткнулась на это и решила наверстать упущенное. Сегодня прошла Street Fighter. :gigi:

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@темы: Games, Nostalgic Pushead

02:46 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...


I think Nicola looked pretty hot as a chick, especially for a 46-year old non-Asian man. I don't choose my bands, really, they choose me.
Finally got my hands on that DVD with videos. It's been 5 fucking years since I was looking for it. And it was worth it. The videos are beautiful if a little weird. But that's French for you. Also I just found out he had been married, twice. I kinda thought he was gay. Well it's beeter for him, at least he has a daughter. And Lou is all grown up now and has her own band. Not surprising considering her background. And she's quite unpretty too like most rock chicks.
It's good to have backup fandoms ))

@темы: Nostalgic Pushead

03:29 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I'm exploring torrents. Indulging the French in me. Downloading Indochune videography I've been looking for for years. The speed is 5-20 at best, but it's fun in a nostalgic sort of way. Back in the day in took me hours just to download a song. But that way every song and every video was so precious. I'm almost worried one day I'll find everything I was looking for and it won't be as fun.

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I downloaded Christophe's Inventaire tout en Acoustic gig. I have a thing for small cozy acoustic gigs. And I really prefer him fresh from Nouvelle Star - unstylish cute sweater, unkempt shaggy hair, glasses and all. Barefoot, he was sitting on that stool like a bird. And then he took the piano... Damn, that's a low blow. My brain almost stopped working for that one amgical hour and it almost seems as if I was holding one breath through all of it. One of my favourite gigs ever. I was scandalized when Mum said: "He's good." He's not good. He's fucking brilliant.

@музыка: Christophe Willem - My heart will go on

@темы: Nostalgic Pushead

01:45 

Kleptomania

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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I love ex.ua. No, really. I've been looking for that album for the last... 6 years? 3-CD set, that is 33 tracks, many of which I've never heard before. Just what I needed. One of my favourite bands even and one of the best bands of the 90's. There aren't many bands who have their own sound that is fresh raw and varied at the same time. Too bad they were so underrated.

Side note: how come I always choose sexually-ambiguous bands and artists? Without even seeing them?

@музыка: Mansun - Fragile

@темы: Nostalgic Pushead, review

15:37 

Chachabear

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I always seelk out special someone in the fandom, someone I can realte to and we end up sharing e-mails and ideas. When I was into J-Rock that someone was Chachabear. I hate it how people just disappear without a note and then pop up years later. It makes me woried sick. This woman disappered about three years ago and now she's back, engaged and hopeful. We weren't that close to begin with and I wasn't sure if we have enough in common to continue keeping in touch. But today she commented on my latest DBSK video, telling me it made her cry. Turns out she was into K-Pop and DBSK all this time. She was the only one to comment so far and it made me see who really cares.

@музыка: KLF - 3 AM Eternal

@темы: Nostalgic Pushead

15:03 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I've had this album by Towa Tei since I was about 13 and could never make out the language in some tracks. It's only now that I recognize Japanese and Korean.

@музыка: Towa Tei - Funkin' For Jamaica

@темы: Nostalgic Pushead

04:53 

...My true love is Nicky as well.

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Oh, my. I can't believe this. It's been 6 or 7 years since I heard about this interview. Everyone was talking about it, but noone seemed to have it. It became a myth almost and I lost all hope of seeing it. People were like: "No one is ever going to see it." But yesterday...


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And...
They look so confused and so cute. I can't get over how right and how beautiful they looked together. :heart:

PS. Посты с тегом Nostalgic Pushead касаются моих дожироковых интересов и вообще не подразумевают реакции от ПЧй. Данный пост посвящен очень важному вещдоку касательно моего 2-го ОТП, записанного на видеокассету в далеком 1992-м в Японии и лишь теперь достигнувшего широких масс. Хвала японским слешерам!

@музыка: The Feeling - Sewn (Yoochunnie's BGM's pretty good)

@темы: slash, Nostalgic Pushead

16:40 

Manic Monday

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
...and so I got carried away.

The movie made me go check on the Manics and, guess what? They've got a new album out. "Journal for Plague Lovers" - damn, the titles are just gettin' better! But actually this is an album made of Richey's lost lyrics. The title makes sense that way. "There was a sense of responsibility to do his words justice," Wire said. I never thought they'd do it. James should seriously get a special award for making those into songs. Track 13 was so grim that he couldn't sing it, so Wire did it instead. Which is bad. I love Nick and all, but he really sucks at singing.
This is not an albut to just listen to though, but to study. It will take time, so I may update once I explore it.

They tried to avoid even bringing him up for years and now the ghosts have been let loose. Scatter the ashes one more time...
The British press is all too happy to gnaw on it and shower Nick with all the stupid 'hows' and 'whys' and 'what ifs'. 14 years later making headlines again and reviving the saddest OTP of all.

lovenme

I miss being in this small elitist fandom. And it's so sweet to find my own traces all these years later.
In other news: Last year Richey's parents have proclaimed him officially dead. The Manics won "NME Godlike Genius" for 2008. Sean has 3 kids now and Wire has a son, while James still doesn't seem to have any.

So this is it - 20 years. 18 years since Nicky said: "We're not saying there's anything glamorous in getting fucked up, we're not saying there's anything glamorous in being dead, but there's nothing glamorous in having a 20- year career in rock either. That's even more sick." This is how your own words tend to come back and bite at you. Especially when you're Nicky Wire. But I'm glad they're still standing - humble and proud at once.

@темы: slash, Nostalgic Pushead

The Diary of a Graphomaniac

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