Maybe I should get one of those "life" things people are always talking about. (c)

My Other Pages: where I store my fanvideo, fics, uploads and other stuff. where I upload my fanvideos where I upload my Sims 3 creations (the decent ones) Tumblr ♥

Might As Well

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I like the NEWS fandom. It's nice and sweet and supportive and very naive. I don't know, sometimes it makes me uncomfortable how excited and dedicated everyone is. And it's not even just the younger kids, but even those who are in their 20's. I almost start to wonder if it's just me that's so broken. I guess TVXQ was the biggest change for me. I gave too much of myself, invested too much and my heart was broken. Even though I love Alice Nine and I love NEWS, in the end I have a much practical approach.

Sure you can talk lave and trust and dedication but in the end if you look at in in a more pragmatic way it's just trade. They are artists who sell their image and they live from that, from their fans. And we buy it trying to fill in some emptiness inside. I used to be so emotionally involved before but now when shit goes down often my immediate reaction is to emotionally distance myself from it to avoid pain. That's how it was with Yoochunnie too. It doesn't always work and in the end I often deal with it later but I do not feel bad for not empathizing with every drama. They sure as hell don't share mine, so why should I? And I used to disapprove of fans leaving TVXQ, fleeting like rats from a sinking ship to pursue other, younger bands but now I understand.

@темы: fandom, musings


The comeback I didn't want

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
As much as I missed them I was not looking forward to this. After the last album I was pretty sure I will not be pleased with new material. I mean I had a faint hope but today I was dreading to watch the new video, somehow I was prepared to be unimpressed. The song itself was not that bad. Unoriginal, yes, but not bad. It reminded me of +/- which I don't like. But the video... I mean overall it was ok, again, unoriginal but nice but Shou... WAI? This one thing completely ruined it for me. Because seriously, WTF?

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And then there was this. DIAWOLF. Shou and Tora's project. I was supposed to be happy about it. I was. But somehow, somehow I had a feeling I won't like this and I was right. Not only it's the pseudo-hardcore type that I loathe, it's completely in English. Why do you have to do this? Basically, it reminds me of Givuss but without the youthful rawness. But I really love them using their surnames, it's an odd turn-on. Well, I'm gonna hope they'll release something bearable eventually. I'm also gonna hope they at the very least do a sexy photoshoot.

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I am at a loss how to proceed here. I adore the boys but not the music. It's even worse that everyone is so excited about his, most importantly the boys themselves.

@темы: Alice Nine, ToraxShou



I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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Another story I started later that OSaP and finished before it. But it's much shorter and simpler and I thought I'll get it out of the way. That sounds too harsh probably. I like the story (though not as much as Benefits), it was spinning in my head for pretty long so in September I sat and wrote the first scene and it went from there. I wrote it fairly fast considering I was working on 2 stories simultaneously. I kinda got stuck at the last part though. I was worried that this whole resolution part was too similar in all 3 of my stories but I can't really help it. I worried this long heavy dialogue would ruin the light cheerful story but I guess I couldn't just skip the talk without sorting everything out.

Overall, I'm happy with it. I think this story is the closest to romantic comedy I ever written. I know I still lack in some ways. Long dialogues are my weakness and I'm not great at creating atmosphere. I think I did achieve a better storytelling but I wish I had more smoothness. I still feel like I have gaps that I end up filling rather clumsily. But for a short simple story it was nice. I also did a good job with the artwork. The concept was a must and I did my best. It's kind of gross how I finished this just before Valentines but oh well. Good job!

@музыка: 加藤シゲアキ - Dreamcatcher (I hate you)

@темы: fanfix


All the Member Ai~

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I've been in this fandom for almost 1,5 year now and the member ai video was long overdue. As with most videos it was done in two big strides and in the end I had more material than I needed but I picked the parts that suited the song more and of course the ones I personally love. Also I'm really satisfied with the editing I've done. This is the first video I did in HD and I decided to bring all the footage to a common resolution and found the best possible quality vs size option. In other words, I am very satisfied with it.

Now that it's done my minimal fandom fanvideo quota is filled. I do hope to finish at least two more though.

@музыка: Kangta - 2032 In Cuba

@темы: fanvid, NEWS.


Women's Rights in Japan

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I have been confused with blatant sexism in Japanese society but lately I've been reading about Japan's history and I realized that women's movement had very little success there prior to American occupation. Some basic facts that I learned:

The Security Police Law of 1900 forbade women, who had no vote, from even attending political meetings, or taking political science classes. Traditional means of birth control were forbidden as Japan encouraged population growth after losses in the 1905 war with Russia. The highest achievement expected of women was to fulfill the ideal of “good wife/good mother.” Women were granted the right to vote only in 1946 and that was basically the initiative from the occupying forces of the United States. In fact before the 1946 constitution women hardly had any rights to speak of. Beate Sirota Gordon was the woman who drafted the parts of constitution devoted to human rights. She said: "Japanese women were historically treated like chattel; they were property to be bought and sold on a whim."

The Revised Civil Code of 1898 stated that a woman who commits adultery is subject to divorce and up to two years in prison. However, a woman was unable to divorce her husband if he committed adultery. A woman was divorced and sent back to her family not only for bad health or barrenness but disobedience, jealousy, and even talkativeness.

As of 2013, The Equal Employment Opportunity Law in Japan does not prohibit sexual harassment at workplace. The problem of sexism, discrimination and underrepresentation is old and very relevant. In the lower house of the Diet, women hold only 8% of seats, with 19% in the upper house. In a global survey of women in parliaments, Japan ranked 123rd out of 189 countries. In 2011, 4.5% of company division heads were female, up from 1.2% in 1989. But relative to other countries the numbers are still dismal. Of the most senior, executive-committee-level managers in Japan, 1% were women in 2011, according to a regional study by McKinsey. The equivalent figure for China was 9%, for Singapore 15%.

Although abortion laws were adopted and amended many times since 1941 the birth control pill was legalized in Japan in 1999.


@темы: issues


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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@темы: snapshot


Shou's Twitter, 2014.09.21

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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Posted at about 4 AM. Seriously.

I have resumed updating King&Queen again. Not for anyone, for myself. It means a lot to me and it deserves to keep living. It seems like such a stupid trivial thing, shipping and all but it's such an integral part of my life I can't deny it. Everyone deserves to have their own illusions.

@темы: ToraxShou


The A9 Post

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...

I've spent most of the 24th sorting all of the A9 stuff that I accumulated over the last year and I actually managed to finish it. I also caught up with the Wink Ups and watched a couple of Alice9 Channels. This time I really feel like I miss them. The strangest thing is I actually was especially glad to see Saga and Nao. That one episode that they did after the tour where Nao is instructing Saga to play dars despite scoring 16 points and then looking so pitiful after paying for the wine. I was like "My stupid babies~"

And then there's Shou... don't do this to me. This is unfair, really. In other news, after 10 years we now know his name is Ohara. It's Ohara, you ignorant, shits! It's a pretty name. Like Scarlett.

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This one's from Anniversary After Party. He always looks a little pregnant but in this one... it's more than a little. I have such mixed feeling about this I don't even know. I kind of like it and that kind of freaks me out.

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I also decided I might as well give Supernova a chance but I found it lame as expected. I actually grew to like Seven but that's about it. Other songs are all average to lame. Maybe it's just me but it's kind of sad because they seem to be so happy with their music and I know they do their best.

At any rate, there's no going back but I feel so confused. I miss them but I know if I watch stuff I'll want to post stuff and I've already been there. But I can't help but be a little worried about their future. They have been going nice and steady but now it's all uncertain. I mean it's so unsettling to see them close their Twitter accounts and Alice9 Channel might be cancelled too. Yet I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision and if they took this leap of faith there has to be a good reason for it. Maybe Shou's baby is due. Ok, that's not funny.

@темы: Alice Nine


Benefits - otsukare!

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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It took me half a year an a lot of frustration and insight to finally finish this fic. It ended up being my longest story up to date with over 6.000 words and I have to say I gained some confidence with it. I worked hard on characterizations and tried to create a balance of sexy, amusing, cute and touching scenes. I think I did well. There are very few Tegoshige stories so this time I didn't even have any fics to steal ideas from, it really feels like mine. Basically, I can say that this story is a cornerstone, it lays the foundation for other fics and I already have the next one in the works which will be an AU and allow me more liberty.

I only got 5 comments so far but they were all very excited and that makes me happy.

@темы: TegoShige, fanfix


NEWS 10th Anniversary in Tokyo Dome

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
This took me awhile to write and I waited for Blu-ray video to make screens but it's finally done. This is the first time I decided to download the Blu-ray. It was partly because they didn't upload the full DVD but mostly because I saw some Blu-ray screens and it got me. Seeing Tegoshi up close, he's not sweating, he's sparkling like a fucking diamond that he is, I swear... :heart:


@музыка: Tegoshi Yuya - Lovin' U

@темы: NEWS., Concerts


014.06.01 世界の果てまでイッテQ or What the Hell Are You?

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Up until now I thought Gackt was the coolest human being I've ever seen but now I'm not even sure. But the thing is Tegoshi is small and frail-looking and you would never have a slightest idea how fucking strong he is.

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That was the most badass performance I've see all year. He fucking did it again

@темы: Tegoshi Yuya


Shounen Club Premium 2014.05.21

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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Beforethoughts: I was really excited about the Shounen Club Premium. It's weird, I'm a relatively new fan but I already got so desperate to see them live. I mean they haven't been on a show together since the Countdown. The song is pretty good too. Well, as good as a song with 32 country names in it can be. And then of course the fact that the first broadcasted show of this little comeback was on my birthday.


@музыка: Destiny's Child - Feel the Same Way I Do

@темы: NEWS.


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Dotama, welcome!

У меня давно уже не было новых читателей и ни одного с пор моей Ньюс-мании. Я вижу, у нас много общих интересов. В общем, не знаю что еще сказать, но я Вам рада.

@темы: welcome


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
В последнее время всё никак не могу выкинуть из головы мысль о том, что хочется всех от себя отписать. А, может, и самой от всех отписаться. Каждый день по-привычке листаю ленту почти не останавливая взгляд и думаю, что, наверно, точно так же проматываютт и мои посты, не отписываются из вежливости. Даже если иногда не пролистывают, всё равно сказать нечего а значит в этом нет смысла. Более месяца с последнего комментария. В конце концов, дневник и не предназначается для чьего-либо чтения. Глупо и по-детски, знаю, но как бы я не была одинока, я по-прежнему чертовски эгоцентрична. Не хочу ни для кого быть персонажем 45-го плана. Знаю, что бежать больше некуда, что мостов больше не осталось, знаю, но все никак не могу остановиться.

@темы: diary, musings


Pink and Grey or The Yama Pi Effect

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
As I already mentioned the biggest issue NEWS brought up for me is the question of popularity and coolness. But if I had to personalize it it would come down to: Why the fuck is Yama Pi so popular?

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I've known about Yama Pi for like 7 years but I never liked him. I just never could understand what's the big deal. He can't t sing, his dancing is average and while he managed to build a nice body 10 years ago he looked like a tadpole. His style in clothes was also terrible. And yet nobody even doubted for a mere second his authority and coolness. He could wear a grandma's hat and everyone would still say it's cool. Tegoshi has been fangirling about him for years too. In a 2007 article he actually wrote "To me Yamashita-kun was and always will be a God".

If you look at him now well, it might seem natural but the guy got popular long before NEWS. I guess he was pretty cute at first but by the time he really came to prominence he looked kinda weird, had no special talent in singing and dancing and wasn't a particularly smooth talker. I honestly couldn't see one thing about him that would seem cool. He is considered very handsome and while I can't completely disagree I always thought he looked a bit weird. His body initially was very wimpy and his shoulders are narrow, he shaped up by working out but that doesn't impress me at all. And while lately I would probably call him handsome what really ticks me off is his lack of expression. There's no shine in his eyes, they're like pitch black.

He might be a good actor, I can't really tell but doesn't really matter on stage. On top of that his personality is also not the type I would call charming. He is actually pretty air-headed, often forgets and loses things and doesn't really notice the things that go on around him. He's also apparently not that good at sports. Someone once mentioned he totally fails at bowling and such which caused great disbelief from the female staff. It's like a mass hallucination.


@темы: NEWS.


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
It's the little things that help to get through, tiny things.

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These are my NEWS nails.

@темы: snapshot



I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Yup, that's the drama the song was released for.

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High budget, lots of action and ikemen cast and yet... I'm afraid even Massu wasn't able to rescue this drama for me. The huge amounts of pretentious talks at the most inappropriate moments and the low amounts of realism and common sense did it for me. Well, I pretty much caught the drift within the first 5 minutes but the first half wasn't bad. Yet the closer to the end the more ridiculous it got. So much that by episode 9 me and my mom just started taking the piss out of everything and I just laughed through half of it because it was so ridiculous.

The only thing that made it worth watching for me was Massu who was still as adorable as ever even in this kind of role. Though despite him being very physically fit I can't imagine him doing such a dirty not to mention scary kind of job. The guy's afraid of nearly everything. But he did well I think.

Verdict: No.

@музыка: NEWS - Wonderland

@темы: dorama


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I looked at the photos from the J-Rock party. Mostly relieved thinking I didn't miss much and also at not seeing anyone I didn't want to see but also a little sad at not recognizing a single face. It's like we never happened.


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Invited to a party for the first time in years. Nervous as fuck.


Down with 2013

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
The first thing that come to mind is how much this year sucked. There were so many thing that went down. First there was a horrendously long Winter that never wanted to end. The Spring that only lasted a few weeks. A brief hope that I found my dream job which was crushed over the course of the next few months. The tough decision to leave the courses after 5 years. The Autumn filled with disappointment and anxiety. And the December that has pushed me to the edge of sanity.

Also somehow I found myself thinking how it's been 10 years from 2003 - a year where I graduated and a new age of my life began. Also a year when two of my very important bands were formed. So without meaning to I kept reflecting on this decade, it seemed like some sort of cycle. You know how these 10 years I kept having bad dreams about school? Well, they almost stopped. Not completely but it doesn't really bother me anymore.

This year I had struggle upon struggle even though there were some good things too occasionally. But I know I really tried my best and even if it didn't always work out I feel like I managed to do a couple of very important things at the end.

Right now I was writing my customary Totals post I thought about how the truth is that no matter how many terrible things have happened, even if they were yesterday - it doesn't have to matter. Today is today. Even if it wasn't the last day of the year I want to live in the today, take one step at a time. So now that it's less than an hour left of this year I want to leave the past demises and disappointments where they were. They shouldn't exist right now. I want to drop them off like a heavy load and proceed into the blank future.

:yolka11: Happy New Year!:yolka1:

@темы: musings

The Diary of a Graphomaniac