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I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
The thing with dramas is whether good or bad they trick you into feeling like you actually have a life.

@темы: one-liner


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
"In this moment she felt that she had been robbed of an enormous number of valuable things, whether material or intangible: things lost or broken by her own fault, things she had forgotten and left in houses when she moved: books borrowed from her and not returned, journeys she had planned and had not made, words she waited to hear spoken to her and had not heard, and the words she had meant to answer with; bitter alternatives and intolerable substitutes worse than nothing, and yet inescapable: the long patient suffering of dying friendships and the dark inexplicable death of love - all that she had had , and all that she had missed, were lost together, and were twice lost in this landslide of remembered losses."

Katherine Porter, "Theft" 1890-1980

@темы: quote/unquote


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I am watching Hanawake and I had this bad dream where there were NEWS and I thought this was my chance but Shige got interested in my older sister. Who just happened to come back home after a broken relationship. Ugh. She never stole boyfriends from me, there was never anything to steal but I still am unsurprised at this dream.

@темы: Dreams


Sharing is caring or Thank you, Jo

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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This is a pile of mail and cards I received over the years. Some came from very far, some not too far and some handed personally. I don't keep in touch with most to the senders but I shall always remember them.

After all, the overseas packages hold a special meaning. The first two I got from a woman named Joanne. I didn't know her, never talked to her before. Then we shared a fandom of a British rock band. It was 10 years ago so dial-up internet was my curse. It was very hard to get any information, even music or videos. Once someone posted a PV of about 30 MB and it took me hours to download. As I mentioned it, she wrote to me. She said she'll gladly send me a few CDs and she did. I could hardly believe it. Later, she got her hands on a big collection of videos on 16 CDs that had concerts, performances and tv-appearances and she sent me those that I wanted. It was a real treasure. She payed the delivery too which was pretty expensive but she never asked for anything in return. Of course, I sent something to her too. At that time I was really touched, it felt like a favour I could never repay and I felt endlessly grateful. I don't really listen to that band now but I still have both packages (the two thick manila ones) and I shall never forget Joanne. It wasn't even about someone caring enough to do that for me. It was restoring faith in humanity, really.

Since then I received some more, especially last year. I received about 5 packages from far away lands, mostly through giveaways. The year was tough but having something to look forward to as I waited for the packages to arrive really helped. They were just cards but they made me happy. The envelopes almost felt warm in my hands. Then, there appeared another person who just offered a valuable present that I could never afford myself. I felt very touched and very appreciated and glad there are people like that in the world.

Sometimes little things like that, random acts of kindness really mean the world. It's not about giving someone what they want, it's making them know you care. I keep almost all of the packages I ever got, even the old and big and ragged ones. I can't bring myself to throw them away. To me they are filled with care and kindness and when I look at them I feel hopeful.

@темы: people, musings


The Photo-Op

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
The only party I attended this year. International Women's Day Photo-Shoot at Marvel Heroes. There was one earlier with all the heroes so far and I liked the idea so I jumped at the chance when I saw this one. We managed to get all the girls including team-ups. It's a nice picture. Too bad there wasn't a cue so we could pose in time. Oh, well. After all, Sue is not a show-off.

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The Thread:

@темы: Games, Marvel


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
She's been crying since yesterday. I could have written the whole scenerio down a year ago, maybe two. I knew one day this house built on a sand would fall apart and she'd be back here, to lick at her wounds. I don't want to say "I told you so", I take no joy in this. However, I haven't shed a single tear. My heart is cold.

@темы: family


Mr. White short film or the review I might get hated for

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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When I first heard about the short film I was excited. I was even more excited when I learned that the idea belongs to Kato and the costume design belongs to Masuda. Shige's been talking about writing a scenario they all could play out years ago. However, I was surprised when I heard the general plot outline. I was expecting drama but it sounded like action/detective. I was even more surprised when I saw the previews. Rather than secret agents in slick suits I saw something akin to ghostbusters. As much as I love the boys, I think the whole thing was very random, too slow-paced and cheap-looking.

First of all, I really don't get the concept of saving children from the dark world of the internet. Though I'm not a fan of the genre to begin with I'd rather them fight criminals or even monsters. Secondly, in terms of pace the film was too slow. I think we all pretty much expected it to be an action-movie. However, what we got was more of a suspense with most of the footage being of our heroes sneaking through an empty school building which is not really all that exciting. I wonder if they even had any sсript at all because judging by the making they seemed to come up with most lines on the spot. There were maybe a dozen lines in the whole 20-minute film including the weak attempts at humour. It also appears like they shot most scenes from take one.

I was also very unimpressed with the CG and the black hooded villains. The gear and the net the captives were held in looked cheap. I'd say a lot of these problems were due to the tight budget. It's hard to tell how this looked in Shige's head but being the smart boy that he is he had to understand the difficulties they would inevitably run into. I suppose disliking the theme song didn't help either.

It's safe to say I enjoyed the making more than I did the actual film. In the end the only thing I liked is the costumes. Being completely honest, the only reason I bothered watching this was because the boys looked very handsome in uniform. Seriously, Shige, I am disappointed.

@музыка: Suede - The Power

@темы: NEWS.


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Nobody is supposed to feel so smug from just sending a package but here I am.

#I did a thing #two things actually #aced it #just like a real adult

@темы: myself


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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Prospect of a post-mission sex=ruined by kids. Really made me think of that one Matrix!verse TVXQ fic. I like that train of thought.

My excitement is still low like a commoner's but at least Tegoshige still give me life and that means that not all is lost.

@темы: TegoShige


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Caring too much might be more of a curse than a blessing but not caring at all is the worst.

@темы: one-liner


The comeback I didn't want

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
As much as I missed them I was not looking forward to this. After the last album I was pretty sure I will not be pleased with new material. I mean I had a faint hope but today I was dreading to watch the new video, somehow I was prepared to be unimpressed. The song itself was not that bad. Unoriginal, yes, but not bad. It reminded me of +/- which I don't like. But the video... I mean overall it was ok, again, unoriginal but nice but Shou... WAI? This one thing completely ruined it for me. Because seriously, WTF?

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And then there was this. DIAWOLF. Shou and Tora's project. I was supposed to be happy about it. I was. But somehow, somehow I had a feeling I won't like this and I was right. Not only it's the pseudo-hardcore type that I loathe, it's completely in English. Why do you have to do this? Basically, it reminds me of Givuss but without the youthful rawness. But I really love them using their surnames, it's an odd turn-on. Well, I'm gonna hope they'll release something bearable eventually. I'm also gonna hope they at the very least do a sexy photoshoot.

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I am at a loss how to proceed here. I adore the boys but not the music. It's even worse that everyone is so excited about his, most importantly the boys themselves.

@темы: Alice Nine, ToraxShou


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
And so Spring has come. March, the most despicable of all months, at least in the city. There's no green at all, just grey, muddy ugliness and rubbish. I don't feel devastated like a few days ago, just empty and dead inside.


Emma and the Guys

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I was quite dissatisfied with the 200 days login reward Team-up Wolverine. I just put him together with the main Wolverine who I also did not really want. They weren't a great team and the junior would always run out and get himself killed within minutes. But last night I got this brilliant idea that he should be with Emma. She already has Scotty so it made sense to have another guy on the team. Then I also charmed one maggia guy and now she has a fab entourage of suitors.

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They don't just look great, they work well too. The three of them do a good job of dealing with small team of enemies even if Emma just stands there and does nothing. Now that's a fine escort.

@темы: Games


Marvel's Agent Carter

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I didn't even know Marvel was doing series but I heard about this on tumblr and since I really liked the character I thought I'd give it a try.

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I was not disappointed. Peggy is brilliant, the other characters are interesting too, the plot is solid and well-paced and engaging. I also really like the relationship side of this, such as Peggy's companionship with Jarvis. Although I still think her relation to Cap was overly stressed. But I guess they had to add at least a little romance there, even as thin as this. The only problem I had with the series was that it's not really child-friendly like most Marvel films and has some pretty creepy scenes towards the end. That made me uneasy and in the end my folks were more excited about the whole thing than I was. But overall, it's a really good series that deserves a second season.

@темы: series, Marvel


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I don't even feel like writing about White yet. Nor the video. Also all the other frustrating things.

I've been in this fandom for nearly a year and a half. Quite a time. Even if it still feels like I barely got here. My last fandom lasted a year and 5 months. I felt like it ended prematurely and unfortunately but in the end I exhausted 98% of the resources and I really didn't like the way their music was going. I wonder if it's time for me to move on soon. Next time I should really find a band whose music I can actually enjoy without having to convince myself.

@темы: fandom


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Ok, so it's the 25th now so I have to excuses left. Should I listen the the album or should I further delay the disappointment?

@темы: NEWS.


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
The album leaked 4 fucking days before release. Seriously, what the fuck? The release date exist for a reason. I don't know, it just feels so wrong and disrespectful t the artist. You got your hands on the album - fine but why can't you keep it to yourself? I pledge to myself to not touch either the album or the video footage unti offical release. There.

@темы: NEWS.


Sue Storm

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
If there's one thing that's girly about me it's choosing heroes in MH2015. I got 400 splinters today and even though I was thinking of getting Iceman that's due in about 2 weeks I saw him and he looked really ugly. Besides, I really got tired of leveling Bobby and Wolverine which I didn't even want. So I went to see my options. I was planning on getting both Jean and Sue Storm eventually but I kinda hate Jean's outfit. So... hello, Susan!

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@темы: Games


All the Member Ai~

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I've been in this fandom for almost 1,5 year now and the member ai video was long overdue. As with most videos it was done in two big strides and in the end I had more material than I needed but I picked the parts that suited the song more and of course the ones I personally love. Also I'm really satisfied with the editing I've done. This is the first video I did in HD and I decided to bring all the footage to a common resolution and found the best possible quality vs size option. In other words, I am very satisfied with it.

Now that it's done my minimal fandom fanvideo quota is filled. I do hope to finish at least two more though.

@музыка: Kangta - 2032 In Cuba

@темы: fanvid, NEWS.



I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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Another story I started later that OSaP and finished before it. But it's much shorter and simpler and I thought I'll get it out of the way. That sounds too harsh probably. I like the story (though not as much as Benefits), it was spinning in my head for pretty long so in September I sat and wrote the first scene and it went from there. I wrote it fairly fast considering I was working on 2 stories simultaneously. I kinda got stuck at the last part though. I was worried that this whole resolution part was too similar in all 3 of my stories but I can't really help it. I worried this long heavy dialogue would ruin the light cheerful story but I guess I couldn't just skip the talk without sorting everything out.

Overall, I'm happy with it. I think this story is the closest to romantic comedy I ever written. I know I still lack in some ways. Long dialogues are my weakness and I'm not great at creating atmosphere. I think I did achieve a better storytelling but I wish I had more smoothness. I still feel like I have gaps that I end up filling rather clumsily. But for a short simple story it was nice. I also did a good job with the artwork. The concept was a must and I did my best. It's kind of gross how I finished this just before Valentines but oh well. Good job!

@музыка: 加藤シゲアキ - Dreamcatcher (I hate you)

@темы: fanfix

The Diary of a Graphomaniac