I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I got Marina's early stuff, covers, b-sides and unreleased and got a whole new specter of feels. The early stuff made me feel disappointment. I mean I was like "Oh. I see. There was a reason this stuff was unreleased." It's trashy and rough and not all that surprising. It's only natural that when artist is self-taught she has a way to go. The thing that bothered me though is that I honestly think it would be better to just drop those songs, they are all just premature.

The other stuff is good though. I can see why it didn't make it onto the albums but some of that stuff is brilliant. I'm absolutely in love with Just Desserts (feat. Charli XCX). It's like "Woah, this is unlike anything I've heard. It's odd and awesome."


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
It was a really long dream but there was this part where I was in this corridor with Alice Nine and they just sort of hung out there, going in and out and at one point I remember just randomly bear hugging Shou from behind just because he was being so cute and then being sorry because I felt I must have creeped him out. It was really good.

@темы: Dreams


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Spent hours on this yesterday...

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@музыка: JYJ - I Love You (feat. Flowsik)

@темы: Jaejoong


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo enlist.jpg

So the day has come. I haven't thought much of it. Until now. I went through posts and then watched a few videos and then suddenly began to cry. But it's not really Jaejoong I'm crying over. I don't follow him lately and I don't like him half as much as I used to but I guess we both changed since then. I'm crying over myself that used to love him, over that time when for a brief moment all seemed well. That's what I thought though in reality I was on train headed to the cliff. I can remember that time 8 fucking years ago when we would joke about it, what a tragedy their enlistment would be, back then it seemed so distant and unreal.

It still warms my heart he met with Yoo and Su in the last few days but he really looks so sad and lost. I'm gonna miss him, damn, I will. Bye bye, Jae. Take care.

@темы: Jaejoong


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
The tour is just 2 cities in but we have had kabe-dons, kata-dzuns, couple roleplay, butt touching, talking about Tegoshi's dick more than once as well as assorted hugs and hand-holding. Tegoshi is out of control. At this rate by the end of the tour he'll be humping the members.

@темы: NEWS.


She-hulk SMASH!

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I've been looking forward to her for quite awhile now and I had no hesitation in getting her but now that I did I don't feel much joy. I guess this game is getting old after all. Or maybe just prestigeing X-23 was too tedious. I better take a break anyway.

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She's skantilly dressed but at least still doesn't look skanky like Rogue here.

@темы: Games


King's Bounty: The Dark Side

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
It's been 5 months and I finally finished it. 69,9 hours of my life and another one to write this post and sort the screens. Honestly the last month or so it was just about finishing it. While I definitely enjoy the game mechanics and graphics I felt like the plot was just too long. Overall, compared to the Armored Princess the game felt somewhat raw and buggy. Maybe it's just me but I just don't trust Russian companies, they just aren't thorough enough. Especially 1C. I still remember them releasing Heroes III and IV in the 90's and 00's with horrid sloppy translation and tons of bugs.

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Other things I found unsatisfying:

- while I liked the idea of playing as the usually hostile races the plot was all over the place and the ending was just dumb.

- the worst thing was that many quests were almost impossible to figure out on your own. Sometimes you had no idea how to solve them and sometimes you couldn't find the character you had to speak to to proceed. I bet everyone who played this had to use the forums every once in awhile. I also noted how multiple choice quests ended up in failed quests if you considered your options.

- the way the troops's special powers and effects affect other troop. For example, making fire elementals bleed or poisoning the skeletons should not happen.

- the ridiculous sexism - the female outfits and demoness animations were outrageous. I got itchy looking at Neoline's naked ass riding a horse and whatever. I also decidedly ignored the island of Amazonia because no matter how I look at it it's a rather blatant parody of feminists.

Despite my bias the game is still good overall but it could really use some revision and beta-testing.

@музыка: Marina & the Diamonds - Sex Yeah


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Me and mum were so desperate for distraction we watched Sex and the City. I think I lost a few points of my IQ. Then again it wasn't as bad as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I've got 2 stories that are almost finished. Not just that but a ton of artwork and even a longish trailer. I've been working on all of these the past few days. Yet, I have this fear that sort of makes me slow down and delay it. I know that once they're out there and I get my 5 comments it'll be over, lost in the cruel open digital space. My fanworks are really some of the things I am most proud of in my life. It's something very important and very intimate and in a way it's baring my heart and then facing rejection. My last work is especially intimate, I invested so much of myself into it. Of course I'll finish them soon enough but I also kind of dread the inevitable heartbreak.

@темы: fanfix


Marina and The Diamonds

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I'm in love. Her name's Marina. She is perfect.

:heart::heart:<img class=:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:<img class=

It's been 3 days. Lately I have been craving for good music, especially after the recent NEWS and A9 songs. Ever since the one gulp of excitement that was A Fever You Can't Sweat Out there have only been odd gems here and there but now I feel like I found a mother lode. In the good ol' Welsh land.

I don't think it ever happened so quickly before. Listening to song after song and thinking "That's it". Perhaps I never had an artist who spoke to me so directly. She is definitely in league with Maria Mena and Melanie Martizez and maybe Gaga but she transcends them all. Sexy but not vulgar. Original but not shocking, dramatic but not sentimental, dark but not creepy. I have a feeling Marina just might be my favourite female artist ever. The music, the lyrics, the PVs, the looks - everything about her is flawless.

I have about 20 songs in my head right now and I can't even pick which ones I like best. They're all fucking brilliant. The three albums are made of purely good songs and they all have different appeals from youthful statements to mature rich flavour. When it seemed like everything has been said she came and filled a void that I never knew existed. Her visuals is flawless. She has so many images that are so different you'd have a hard time believing it's one and the same person.

It's that one feeling that I wouldn't trade for anything. It's like a gulp of fresh air, something that gives me life. It's so good that I want to savour it so I keep myself from listening to her too much.

@музыка: Marina & the Diamonds - Fear and Loathing

@темы: Artist


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I don't want fame or money or huge success. All I want is a normal quiet life, just feeling ok, having enough money to buy the necessary things. But lately that seems like a distant dream. Every thread I grab slips away and I'm sitting on the floor in apathy again. Tired of fighting invisible wars again.

@темы: myself


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I guess in the end I didn't even matter enough to say goodbye. Goodbye, Alex.

@музыка: Indochine - La Buddha affaire

@темы: address


And here I thought music stopped speaking to me...

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Everyday I feel the same
Stuck, and I can never change
Sucked into a black balloon
Spat into an empty room
But was it really worth it?
Did I really deserve it?
It happens when you're hurtin'
It cut me out the surface
Of my heart
Of my heart-heart-heart

Got bubble wrap around my heart
Waiting for my life to start
But everyday it never comes
Permanently at square one
When it's late at night-ight
I'm so dissatisfied-ied
In the wait for a empty life-ife
We hassle in the moonlight
In the light
In the light-light-light

I'm living dead, dead, dead, dead
Only alive-live-live-live
When I pretend-tend-tend-tend
That I have died, died, died, died, died, died
I haven't lived life
I haven't lived love
Just bird's eye view
From the sky above
I'm dead, dead, dead, dead
I'm living dead, dead, dead, dead

I lay back in a glittery mist, and I
I think of all the men, I
I could have kissed
I haven't lived my life, I
Haven't lived love, it's just
My thoughts of you from
From up above

"Living Dead", Marina & the Diamonds

@темы: lyrics


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...

@темы: video


Hanawake no Yon Shimai

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo hanawakenoyonshimai1.jpg

I kept delaying this one for over a year but deep inside I felt I'll end up watching it anyway. All of my bad predictions came true and more added. It gave me a ton of complicated feelings and then some more.

To put it shortly: it's a bad drama. The plot and the characters drive me crazy. For one, I don't think I've even seen a drama where I would want to shake every single major character hard screaming "GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER!" The Super-woman Takemi was pretty damn annoying and this whole "we're too pretty for people to take us seriously" drama was complete bullshit. I guess I did sympathize with Sakurako as someone living in her older sister's shade. If I hated her I probably wouldn't even be able to watch this in the first place.

I actually really dislike the whole genre of pseudo-comedy. The description says "comedy" but I don't think there was anything remotely funny in it. Manga-style ridiculous and exaggerated, yes, and not in a good way. Every time I think I might enjoy that kind of drama I fail. After the first few lighthearted playful episodes came a tragedy and then it got from bad to worse.

And then of course the worst part of it all: Shige playing an immature cheating asshole. You really want to like him because he looks like Shige but he's also a total douche so it turns into a perpetual internal struggle. I prepared myself for this or more like I tried but in reality it turned out a lot harder. Some episodes really fucked me up. I have to say Shige handled this role very well, a lot better than I expected. I think he was convincing and really good with expressing all of the emotions. And this is why it was even harder for me to watch him be an immature asshole. A hot immature asshole who is half-naked in every other episode. 243 fucking screens.


@темы: dorama


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
The thing with dramas is whether good or bad they trick you into feeling like you actually have a life.

@темы: one-liner


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
"In this moment she felt that she had been robbed of an enormous number of valuable things, whether material or intangible: things lost or broken by her own fault, things she had forgotten and left in houses when she moved: books borrowed from her and not returned, journeys she had planned and had not made, words she waited to hear spoken to her and had not heard, and the words she had meant to answer with; bitter alternatives and intolerable substitutes worse than nothing, and yet inescapable: the long patient suffering of dying friendships and the dark inexplicable death of love - all that she had had , and all that she had missed, were lost together, and were twice lost in this landslide of remembered losses."

Katherine Porter, "Theft" 1890-1980

@темы: quote/unquote


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I am watching Hanawake and I had this bad dream where there were NEWS and I thought this was my chance but Shige got interested in my older sister. Who just happened to come back home after a broken relationship. Ugh. She never stole boyfriends from me, there was never anything to steal but I still am unsurprised at this dream.

@темы: Dreams


Sharing is caring or Thank you, Jo

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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This is a pile of mail and cards I received over the years. Some came from very far, some not too far and some handed personally. I don't keep in touch with most to the senders but I shall always remember them.

After all, the overseas packages hold a special meaning. The first two I got from a woman named Joanne. I didn't know her, never talked to her before. Then we shared a fandom of a British rock band. It was 10 years ago so dial-up internet was my curse. It was very hard to get any information, even music or videos. Once someone posted a PV of about 30 MB and it took me hours to download. As I mentioned it, she wrote to me. She said she'll gladly send me a few CDs and she did. I could hardly believe it. Later, she got her hands on a big collection of videos on 16 CDs that had concerts, performances and tv-appearances and she sent me those that I wanted. It was a real treasure. She payed the delivery too which was pretty expensive but she never asked for anything in return. Of course, I sent something to her too. At that time I was really touched, it felt like a favour I could never repay and I felt endlessly grateful. I don't really listen to that band now but I still have both packages (the two thick manila ones) and I shall never forget Joanne. It wasn't even about someone caring enough to do that for me. It was restoring faith in humanity, really.

Since then I received some more, especially last year. I received about 5 packages from far away lands, mostly through giveaways. The year was tough but having something to look forward to as I waited for the packages to arrive really helped. They were just cards but they made me happy. The envelopes almost felt warm in my hands. Then, there appeared another person who just offered a valuable present that I could never afford myself. I felt very touched and very appreciated and glad there are people like that in the world.

Sometimes little things like that, random acts of kindness really mean the world. It's not about giving someone what they want, it's making them know you care. I keep almost all of the packages I ever got, even the old and big and ragged ones. I can't bring myself to throw them away. To me they are filled with care and kindness and when I look at them I feel hopeful.

@темы: people, musings


The Photo-Op

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
The only party I attended this year. International Women's Day Photo-Shoot at Marvel Heroes. There was one earlier with all the heroes so far and I liked the idea so I jumped at the chance when I saw this one. We managed to get all the girls including team-ups. It's a nice picture. Too bad there wasn't a cue so we could pose in time. Oh, well. After all, Sue is not a show-off.

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The Thread:

@темы: Games, Marvel

The Diary of a Graphomaniac