• ↓
  • ↑
  • ⇑

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I guess in the end I didn't even matter enough to say goodbye. Goodbye, Alex.

@музыка: Indochine - La Buddha affaire

@темы: address


And here I thought music stopped speaking to me...

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Everyday I feel the same
Stuck, and I can never change
Sucked into a black balloon
Spat into an empty room
But was it really worth it?
Did I really deserve it?
It happens when you're hurtin'
It cut me out the surface
Of my heart
Of my heart-heart-heart

Got bubble wrap around my heart
Waiting for my life to start
But everyday it never comes
Permanently at square one
When it's late at night-ight
I'm so dissatisfied-ied
In the wait for a empty life-ife
We hassle in the moonlight
In the light
In the light-light-light

I'm living dead, dead, dead, dead
Only alive-live-live-live
When I pretend-tend-tend-tend
That I have died, died, died, died, died, died
I haven't lived life
I haven't lived love
Just bird's eye view
From the sky above
I'm dead, dead, dead, dead
I'm living dead, dead, dead, dead

I lay back in a glittery mist, and I
I think of all the men, I
I could have kissed
I haven't lived my life, I
Haven't lived love, it's just
My thoughts of you from
From up above

"Living Dead", Marina & the Diamonds

@темы: lyrics


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...

@темы: video


Hanawake no Yon Shimai

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo hanawakenoyonshimai1.jpg

I kept delaying this one for over a year but deep inside I felt I'll end up watching it anyway. All of my bad predictions came true and more added. It gave me a ton of complicated feelings and then some more.

To put it shortly: it's a bad drama. The plot and the characters drive me crazy. For one, I don't think I've even seen a drama where I would want to shake every single major character hard screaming "GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER!" The Super-woman Takemi was pretty damn annoying and this whole "we're too pretty for people to take us seriously" drama was complete bullshit. I guess I did sympathize with Sakurako as someone living in her older sister's shade. If I hated her I probably wouldn't even be able to watch this in the first place.

I actually really dislike the whole genre of pseudo-comedy. The description says "comedy" but I don't think there was anything remotely funny in it. Manga-style ridiculous and exaggerated, yes, and not in a good way. Every time I think I might enjoy that kind of drama I fail. After the first few lighthearted playful episodes came a tragedy and then it got from bad to worse.

And then of course the worst part of it all: Shige playing an immature cheating asshole. You really want to like him because he looks like Shige but he's also a total douche so it turns into a perpetual internal struggle. I prepared myself for this or more like I tried but in reality it turned out a lot harder. Some episodes really fucked me up. I have to say Shige handled this role very well, a lot better than I expected. I think he was convincing and really good with expressing all of the emotions. And this is why it was even harder for me to watch him be an immature asshole. A hot immature asshole who is half-naked in every other episode. 243 fucking screens.


@темы: dorama


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
The thing with dramas is whether good or bad they trick you into feeling like you actually have a life.

@темы: one-liner


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
"In this moment she felt that she had been robbed of an enormous number of valuable things, whether material or intangible: things lost or broken by her own fault, things she had forgotten and left in houses when she moved: books borrowed from her and not returned, journeys she had planned and had not made, words she waited to hear spoken to her and had not heard, and the words she had meant to answer with; bitter alternatives and intolerable substitutes worse than nothing, and yet inescapable: the long patient suffering of dying friendships and the dark inexplicable death of love - all that she had had , and all that she had missed, were lost together, and were twice lost in this landslide of remembered losses."

Katherine Porter, "Theft" 1890-1980

@темы: quote/unquote


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I am watching Hanawake and I had this bad dream where there were NEWS and I thought this was my chance but Shige got interested in my older sister. Who just happened to come back home after a broken relationship. Ugh. She never stole boyfriends from me, there was never anything to steal but I still am unsurprised at this dream.

@темы: Dreams


Sharing is caring or Thank you, Jo

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo IMG_5581.jpg

This is a pile of mail and cards I received over the years. Some came from very far, some not too far and some handed personally. I don't keep in touch with most to the senders but I shall always remember them.

After all, the overseas packages hold a special meaning. The first two I got from a woman named Joanne. I didn't know her, never talked to her before. Then we shared a fandom of a British rock band. It was 10 years ago so dial-up internet was my curse. It was very hard to get any information, even music or videos. Once someone posted a PV of about 30 MB and it took me hours to download. As I mentioned it, she wrote to me. She said she'll gladly send me a few CDs and she did. I could hardly believe it. Later, she got her hands on a big collection of videos on 16 CDs that had concerts, performances and tv-appearances and she sent me those that I wanted. It was a real treasure. She payed the delivery too which was pretty expensive but she never asked for anything in return. Of course, I sent something to her too. At that time I was really touched, it felt like a favour I could never repay and I felt endlessly grateful. I don't really listen to that band now but I still have both packages (the two thick manila ones) and I shall never forget Joanne. It wasn't even about someone caring enough to do that for me. It was restoring faith in humanity, really.

Since then I received some more, especially last year. I received about 5 packages from far away lands, mostly through giveaways. The year was tough but having something to look forward to as I waited for the packages to arrive really helped. They were just cards but they made me happy. The envelopes almost felt warm in my hands. Then, there appeared another person who just offered a valuable present that I could never afford myself. I felt very touched and very appreciated and glad there are people like that in the world.

Sometimes little things like that, random acts of kindness really mean the world. It's not about giving someone what they want, it's making them know you care. I keep almost all of the packages I ever got, even the old and big and ragged ones. I can't bring myself to throw them away. To me they are filled with care and kindness and when I look at them I feel hopeful.

@темы: people, musings


The Photo-Op

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
The only party I attended this year. International Women's Day Photo-Shoot at Marvel Heroes. There was one earlier with all the heroes so far and I liked the idea so I jumped at the chance when I saw this one. We managed to get all the girls including team-ups. It's a nice picture. Too bad there wasn't a cue so we could pose in time. Oh, well. After all, Sue is not a show-off.

 photo 2015_03_08_00054.jpg

The Thread:

@темы: Games, Marvel


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
She's been crying since yesterday. I could have written the whole scenerio down a year ago, maybe two. I knew one day this house built on a sand would fall apart and she'd be back here, to lick at her wounds. I don't want to say "I told you so", I take no joy in this. However, I haven't shed a single tear. My heart is cold.

@темы: family


Mr. White short film or the review I might get hated for

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo Mr White.avi_snapshot_18.52_2015.03.04_01.53.19.jpg

When I first heard about the short film I was excited. I was even more excited when I learned that the idea belongs to Kato and the costume design belongs to Masuda. Shige's been talking about writing a scenario they all could play out years ago. However, I was surprised when I heard the general plot outline. I was expecting drama but it sounded like action/detective. I was even more surprised when I saw the previews. Rather than secret agents in slick suits I saw something akin to ghostbusters. As much as I love the boys, I think the whole thing was very random, too slow-paced and cheap-looking.

First of all, I really don't get the concept of saving children from the dark world of the internet. Though I'm not a fan of the genre to begin with I'd rather them fight criminals or even monsters. Secondly, in terms of pace the film was too slow. I think we all pretty much expected it to be an action-movie. However, what we got was more of a suspense with most of the footage being of our heroes sneaking through an empty school building which is not really all that exciting. I wonder if they even had any sсript at all because judging by the making they seemed to come up with most lines on the spot. There were maybe a dozen lines in the whole 20-minute film including the weak attempts at humour. It also appears like they shot most scenes from take one.

I was also very unimpressed with the CG and the black hooded villains. The gear and the net the captives were held in looked cheap. I'd say a lot of these problems were due to the tight budget. It's hard to tell how this looked in Shige's head but being the smart boy that he is he had to understand the difficulties they would inevitably run into. I suppose disliking the theme song didn't help either.

It's safe to say I enjoyed the making more than I did the actual film. In the end the only thing I liked is the costumes. Being completely honest, the only reason I bothered watching this was because the boys looked very handsome in uniform. Seriously, Shige, I am disappointed.

@музыка: Suede - The Power

@темы: NEWS.


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Nobody is supposed to feel so smug from just sending a package but here I am.

#I did a thing #two things actually #aced it #just like a real adult

@темы: myself


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo mrwhite1.gif

Prospect of a post-mission sex=ruined by kids. Really made me think of that one Matrix!verse TVXQ fic. I like that train of thought.

My excitement is still low like a commoner's but at least Tegoshige still give me life and that means that not all is lost.

@темы: TegoShige


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Caring too much might be more of a curse than a blessing but not caring at all is the worst.

@темы: one-liner


The comeback I didn't want

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
As much as I missed them I was not looking forward to this. After the last album I was pretty sure I will not be pleased with new material. I mean I had a faint hope but today I was dreading to watch the new video, somehow I was prepared to be unimpressed. The song itself was not that bad. Unoriginal, yes, but not bad. It reminded me of +/- which I don't like. But the video... I mean overall it was ok, again, unoriginal but nice but Shou... WAI? This one thing completely ruined it for me. Because seriously, WTF?

 photo IMG_1442.jpg

And then there was this. DIAWOLF. Shou and Tora's project. I was supposed to be happy about it. I was. But somehow, somehow I had a feeling I won't like this and I was right. Not only it's the pseudo-hardcore type that I loathe, it's completely in English. Why do you have to do this? Basically, it reminds me of Givuss but without the youthful rawness. But I really love them using their surnames, it's an odd turn-on. Well, I'm gonna hope they'll release something bearable eventually. I'm also gonna hope they at the very least do a sexy photoshoot.

 photo B_AZirUU4AAP2lm.jpg

I am at a loss how to proceed here. I adore the boys but not the music. It's even worse that everyone is so excited about his, most importantly the boys themselves.

@темы: Alice Nine, ToraxShou


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
And so Spring has come. March, the most despicable of all months, at least in the city. There's no green at all, just grey, muddy ugliness and rubbish. I don't feel devastated like a few days ago, just empty and dead inside.


Emma and the Guys

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I was quite dissatisfied with the 200 days login reward Team-up Wolverine. I just put him together with the main Wolverine who I also did not really want. They weren't a great team and the junior would always run out and get himself killed within minutes. But last night I got this brilliant idea that he should be with Emma. She already has Scotty so it made sense to have another guy on the team. Then I also charmed one maggia guy and now she has a fab entourage of suitors.

 photo guys.jpg

They don't just look great, they work well too. The three of them do a good job of dealing with small team of enemies even if Emma just stands there and does nothing. Now that's a fine escort.

@темы: Games


Marvel's Agent Carter

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I didn't even know Marvel was doing series but I heard about this on tumblr and since I really liked the character I thought I'd give it a try.

 photo agent-carter-6.jpg

I was not disappointed. Peggy is brilliant, the other characters are interesting too, the plot is solid and well-paced and engaging. I also really like the relationship side of this, such as Peggy's companionship with Jarvis. Although I still think her relation to Cap was overly stressed. But I guess they had to add at least a little romance there, even as thin as this. The only problem I had with the series was that it's not really child-friendly like most Marvel films and has some pretty creepy scenes towards the end. That made me uneasy and in the end my folks were more excited about the whole thing than I was. But overall, it's a really good series that deserves a second season.

@темы: series, Marvel


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I don't even feel like writing about White yet. Nor the video. Also all the other frustrating things.

I've been in this fandom for nearly a year and a half. Quite a time. Even if it still feels like I barely got here. My last fandom lasted a year and 5 months. I felt like it ended prematurely and unfortunately but in the end I exhausted 98% of the resources and I really didn't like the way their music was going. I wonder if it's time for me to move on soon. Next time I should really find a band whose music I can actually enjoy without having to convince myself.

@темы: fandom


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Ok, so it's the 25th now so I have to excuses left. Should I listen the the album or should I further delay the disappointment?

@темы: NEWS.

The Diary of a Graphomaniac