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00:53 

Just a few impratant debunk articles

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
01:32 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I bitched about a writer's block and my friend goes "Do you have a first draft ready?" Ha. Hahah. She said"first draft". Like how do people write the whole text down, start to end and then just edit?? This is a mystery to me. How?? Do you have a voice in your head that just dictates the words? I write all over the place - bits of dialogue, ideas, phrases. Start, end, middle, bits in between. Rewriting, shifting parts back and forth... My last fic was a big fucking puzzle, I legit highlighted different themes in different colours to make sure they all connect in a right way.

@темы: fanfix

03:50 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
It's been a weird day.

For one, I had a very peculiar dream. And I have a lot of interesting dreams but somehow this was different from them all. It was sort of a lucid dream but not exactly. I was very self-conscious from the start as I woke up under the stairway of some school. I immediately began to wonder if I'm dreaming but everything felt so real that I could not be sure. Actually, the only thing that made me think that I was dreaming was the fact that I couldn't remember anything until the moment I woke up. Of course, a lot of things happened after that, I got out of that building, I met some old acquaintances (it seemed to be a sort of college class reunion), I went into the city and walked for quite a while. But all of those things were fairly normal things, nothing out of line. I even remember thinking about playing that RPG game once I get home.

When I did wake up I was in for another surprise. The system wouldn't boot on my PC. Which was not so surprising as the night before I had to manually shut down the power. Anyway, I freaked out. Just a notion that I may have to install the system somewhere where it's not meant to be, recover the ton of files I have, then install a new system and delete the temporary one. But of course, Windows itself was not the main concern. This was obviously a symptom of some hardware problem. I was so stressed out over this and nothing seemed to help. I was this close to putting a Win XP on my old drive (I had half-hoping for a sweet date with it), it suddenly dawned on me that this whole time the system was booting from the wrong drive. So relieved but also pissed it took me 3 hours to figure out. I have been having problems with time lag and once the time reset not long ago but this time apparently the whole BIOS setting reset, hence the boot problem. From what I gathered the problems might all come from the CMOS battery. Honestly, that's the least possible hardware problem you might encounter so hopefully that's all there is to it.

@темы: Dreams, PC

02:48 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
“Emma” has been exhausting and stressful. Honestly, it's the first time in over 3 years that I'm not saving new performances. But in trying to cope in my own way I turned back to Sims and it's been pretty rewarding.

 photo Screenshot-907.jpg

@темы: Sims 3

04:40 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I sent two Christmas letters to friends. One came after 5 weeks. The one I sent to Japan came in 2 months. I can't believe this bullshit. How fucked is this country? In 2 months a letter could fucking swim to Japan on its own. I am so done with this shit.

@темы: snapshot, bitching

00:23 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
While taking a short break from the fandom and the hell that is “Emma” I just watched the movie “Suffragette”. It ended with me listening to the song “Emily” by the Manic Street Preachers, dedicated to Emily Pankhurst, and thinking how low I sank in these 12 years. Such similar titles, such different songs.

@темы: snapshot, movies, Nostalgic Pushead

02:16 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
My phone's stopped showing the year correctly, it won't go past 2016. I guess nobody could imagine you can use the same phone for 8-9 years. Seriously, how hard it was to add more years? I had to set it to 2006 for the weekday to match the date. That's no big problem but the 'pink schedule' feature just refuses to work, that was handy.

@темы: snapshot

23:19 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I registered at Upwork a few days ago. I took it slow, completing my profile and taking tests. They even gave me Rising Talent badge, that should give me some chance. I try not to get my hopes up and it won't be easy but I have to try, this could be the change I need.

@темы: snapshot

03:29 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Yoochun's accuser has been sent to jail together with 2 of her accomplices. Yes, I don't feel the slightest hint of relief. Though it's over there's a heavy weight in my heart when I think about it. Yoochun's career is as good as over. I really doubt he'll return to public eye any time soon. But one more thing that really bothers me, been bothering me all this time, is that since the whole thing broke out last year neither Jae not Junsu has said a word about it. Why? Weren't they supposed to defend him? Stand up for him? My only guess is that he asked them not to interfere not wanting to drag them into this but still... Looking at the JYJ feed full of Jae all shiny and fresh from the army and Junsu with his blooming career and Yoochun only appeared in news articles about the case, looking grim and depressed. It makes me sad that Yoochun is going to be just wiped off the picture, as if he doesn't exist. I honestly don't care about JYJ, they got lazy and boring as a band but I care about the three of them, their bond, their brotherhood. And now I'm not sure any of that is left.

Junsu gave up his soccer team and parted with his gf. Of course, none of that matters now, in a few weeks he'll be enlisting into his stupid elite police force. Today I've unfollowed the 'JYJ' tag because it was pretty much just a J tag and while I have an enormous respect for both 'J's, without the 'Y' the puzzle just fell into pieces.

@темы: Yoochunnie

21:23 

Light and Dark

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Watched BBC's Light and Dark (2013). I have been disappointed in a number of recent BBC films but this was certainly not one of them. Been keeping it for about a month now and I'm glad I did. Not easy-watching exactly. I expected the Light part to be about the history of the science of light and its properties and I was party right but my mind was still blown. However, that was nothing compared to the Dark part. Black Holes and Dark Matter... just fuck. My mum gets freaked out but I am fascinated by such things. I also now have a new space screensaver.

Jim Al-Khalili is an amazing story-teller and I'm planning to see more of his films. Once I gather enough of my mind back together again.

@темы: documentaries

20:34 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Today's dream was fairly nice. It was school stuff first and then some pretty ecchi things later on but the odd thing about it was... the school stuff wasn't unpleasant because I was sort of trying to see where I go with this cute boy and they boy wasn't anyone from my past, I think he had the face of an actor I saw briefly last night. Also all the girls I got on with later on were perfectly unfamiliar. It was oddly refreshing.

@темы: Dreams

05:49 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Jan 1, 2017

1 AM: It's a brand new year, it's all going to be better. Maybe I won't even get dep-
3 AM: Ah, here it is.

@темы: snapshot, myself

00:26 

The 2016 Totals

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Ok, let's do this.

Site of the Year: tumblr, weibo.
Obsession of the Year: NEWS
Movie of the Year: X-Men: Apocalypse
Series of the Year: Queer as Folk
Dorama of the Year: -
Anime of the Year: Udon no Kuni no Kiniro Kemari
Concert of the Year: White
Documentary of the Year: Where to Invade Next
TV Show of the Year: 24h TV, Shounen Club Premium
Game of the Year: Marvel Heroes, Skyrim
Book of the Year: -
Fuck Up of the Year: Ann
Quote of the Year:
Acquisition of the Year: fucking katana, Racquelle
Person of the Year: Me
Pairing of the Year: Tegoshige
Meeting of the Year: Ki
Artist of the Year: Sia
Album of the Year: "Boaz Mauda", all albums by Sia
Disappointment of the Year: That dream job offer
Achievement of the Year: First semi-official job
Other events: hitting 30, RIP Yoosu, X-Men: Apocalypse in 3D, Yoochun's case, AOO account, US Elections.

Soundtrack of the Year: Kim Jae Joong - Love You More, L’Arc~en~Ciel - Wings Flap, NEWS - Touch, New Order - True Faith, Sia - I'm Not Important To You, Sia - Chandelier, Sia - Dressed In Black, Sia - Alive, Sia - Cheap Thrills, Lana Del Rey - Summertime Sadness, Kato Shigeaki - Hoshi no Ouji-sama, Utada Hikaru feat. Shiina Ringo - Nijikan Dake no Vacance


Statistics

Series:
Agent Carter S02
The Good Wife (Final)
Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Season 3
Queer as Folk
Alias
Necessary Roughness
Suburgatory
The Real O'Neals
Fresh Off the Boat

Dramas:
傘をもたない蟻たちは
Osozaki no Himawari

Best Movies:
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2
X-Men: Apocalypse
The First Grader
Captain Fantastic
McFarland, USA 2015
Hail Caesar! 2016
The Social Network
Sucker Punch 2010
The Help

Games:
Sid Meier's Civilization - Beyond Earth: Rising Tide
Skyrim
Sims 3
Pandora
Marvel Heroes

Fanvideos finished: 0 ;;

Fanfics finished:
The Odds
Identity
High-Rise
Loud

This year took slightly more than 4 pages pages.

@темы: Totals

16:51 

Udon no Kuni no Kiniro Kemari

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I seldom watch anime but this year I came across a gem called “Udon no Kuni no Kiniro Kemari”. I originally discovered it thanks to NEWS fans and the main characters’ uncanny resemblance to certain members but it turned out to be so much more. It's really beautiful art work and is very deep and touching. The fact that Souta and other characters were around d 30 didn't help.

 photo HorribleSubs Udon no Kuni no Kiniro Kemari - 12 720p.mkv_snapshot_03.10_2016.12.26_15.26.07.jpg

Ep 12 broke my heart into tiny pieces. I knew this was the only reasonable way to finish it and it was good and just but... it was one of those times I wanted something completely unrealistic. It just wasn't good enough, they had to be together forever. Ok, I need to just finish this or I'll end up weeping again.

@темы: anime

23:55 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I finally went to the museum. And yet... it was so little joy. The poor lightning, the rude staff members, the tiny exhibit and the fact we couldn't even get into ancient history part of the museum really chipped off at the experience. Also me being quite sick most of the time. I get it, the museum is terribly underfunded and they have to cope but that just made it more depressing. But of course there was some great stuff in there and some original ukiyo-e.

21:33 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Citing a federal survey, HRW noted, “Data showed that an alarming 42.8 percent of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth respondents had seriously considered suicide in the previous year, and 29.4 percent had attempted suicide, compared with 14.8 percent of heterosexual youth who had seriously considered suicide in the previous year and 6.4 percent of heterosexual youth who had attempted suicide.”

www.vox.com/identities/2016/12/9/13884596/schoo...
www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/65/ss/pdfs/ss6509.pdf

@темы: the eternal debate, issues

20:52 

Skyrim, bye

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo ScreenShot597.jpg


It's been more than 1,5 years since I started playing Skyrim, longer than I have played any single game. Some months I didn't feel like playing, others I couldn't but I knew I will end this journey. I don't really like it when games don't have an end, it kills the sense of purpose. But I wanted it to have one so I put off the main quest until I did every other thing I wanted to do. So now that it's over, I have no regrets to delete the game and move on. Of course, it's hard when you invest so much into it. All of my 5 houses, all the stuff I collected, the ton of alchemy ingredients and dozens of potions I never used. But I have to move on. Life goes on.

I know I haven't experience a lot of what Skyrim has to offer, even the 3 EPs that are available not to mention the hundreds of mods available. But I don't regret it. If I tried to do that at once, I might not be able to leave it alone now. Maybe one day a few years from now I might but I suspect by that time there will be other games I'd want to try, we shall see. For now I'll stash my 400 screens and say Goodbye to Skyrim.

@темы: Games

15:45 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I got to bed a little earlier than usual but couldn't get up because the dreams were too damn interesting. There were many of them flowing one into another but the most important part was when I was walking with a girl around my age (I think I thought she was Jewish) and I was sort of a tourist who had to go back soon. I saw these half-submerged ruins with people gathering there and wanted to investigate. She was a native there and we stepped onto this little island. We then sat together leaning into each other and I felt such a deep connection with her in mere moments. She also tried to pass me some of her knowledge telepathically but I'm unsure how that went. I knew I would never see her again and it saddened me so. We then went to this sort of palace but the door to the main room was only about 20 cm tall, she passed it with ease but I could only stick my head in there. Meanwhile, other people of her race came to the door and for some reason seeing me, the outsider, they got scared. I really wished I could come there once more.

@темы: Dreams

00:42 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Finally watched Capitalism: A Love Story. I also watched Where to Invade Next. What can I say? Not all heroes wear capes.

@темы: documentaries

22:13 

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I seldom gt hooked but recently I got hooked on a stupid Jpop Asia game. I'm at fucking Round 104. And I was close to bankruptcy at one point after getting Gackt so I had to get point from filling in the lyrics and adding some Givuss stuff. And at first I was like 'I'm not gonna do any reselling' but now I'm "HELL YESA! Imma buy Big Bang and sell it for 20 GRAND!" Basically, now I'm mostly just missing NEWS. Someone was selling them for 8.5k awhile ago but I didn't have that much anyway. But once I have them my motivation would be pretty low I guess so I'll just keep playin' for now.

www.jpopasia.com/u/swoon21/cards/

@темы: snapshot

The Diary of a Graphomaniac

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