I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
So not long ago I decided if I went into epic film series, I might as well finally finish Harry Potter. I never watched the last couple of films because the people I knew who were HP fans were devastated when the books came out. I avoided it long enough so I though it was time. I still have 2 films to go but today I watched the Half-Blood Prince and the thing is it was really weird... I thought I haven't seen it but also I am sure I saw some parts of it while others I can't remember at all. It's not even that old, I normally remember films well so it's weird. Also this film is very different from all the ones before it even though David Yates directed the previous one too. It's very odd and chaotic somehow and it gave me creeps. Something about it feels very wrong. If it happened that the younger me saw it and decided not to go on, well, I can understand that. But this time I guess I have to go on.

@темы: movies


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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I just need this here.

@темы: my!gif, TegoShige



I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Things were hard for me lately but it's the hardship that push me forward. I finally went to meet with Z. and it didn't go as I expected but still it brought much hope to me. At least I know I have nothing to fear now and the signs are good. "Don't try," he said. "Do it."

@темы: myself


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
In the end, it's always the hate that gets to you, not sympathy. Another breakdown, another hiatus. It's been almost 2 years, the critical mass of a fandom's total weight. This really was my last hope but no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I try to please everyone it's just no use. When time spent off begins to get close to the time spent on, the end is near.

@темы: fandom


paana playground giveaway 12 [news 12th anniversary] - 2nd prize

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Bias: let's go with Shige
12 reasons I love NEWS:

- their looks. If you deny it, you're lying. They're ridiculously attractive and charming.
- their personalities. I never liked any other JE band or member but NEWS really captured my heart fast. They're all weird interesting people.
- they give me more reasons to smile, they entertain me and encourage me. They did not save my life but they really help me move forward and grow.
- their teamwork. I love the way they really function well together and compliment each other.
- the way they really put a lot of thought into their work, especially concerts and have a lot of control over their activities.
- their honesty, maybe even too much honesty sometimes.
- their approachability, they're very down-to-earth and easy to sympathize with.
- as an avid shipper, it would be hypocritical if I don't say I enjoy all the member ai. All pairings are lovable but one of them is really special to me and allowed me to write stories I always wanted to write.
- their fans are really nice and that says something about the band. The fandom is very warm and supportive.
- Massu's fashion style. He sometimes has the weirdest outfits and accessories but he somehow makes them work.
- Tegoshi's fluid gender and sexuality. I like interesting people, people with contradictions and he probably tops my list in the latter.
- Shige's integrity and courage to say the things he believes in and write books about important things even if it might impact his image as an idol.

Okay, that was oddly hard.

@темы: NEWS.


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Got a postcard and the photobook from Ann. I never got anything from Australia before. They're both really pretty too. I feel so loved~ :heart:

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@темы: little treasures


Yellow Flicker Beat

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...

In love with the song and the movies.

@темы: video


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
It's been a really tough couple of days. The teeth aching and the stomach and all the feelings messed up so bad... A few nights were agonizing but it's a little better now. Yesterday I finally went and got that problematic nerve removed. It was terrifying but pretty fast. It still aches now but I only hope that's just the leftover pain and it'll pass. I also made that other important call but I will have to wait a few weeks for the appointment. I'm also still doing the TS processing. I think I might have some results already but it's not going easy, nothing with me ever is it seems. It will probably take at least another month. Also sending my 3rd test assignment for l'official even if the chance is slim. At any rate, I'm proud of myself.

I had to give up on Skyrim for now. Meanwhile, I've been keeping myself busy with continuing my course of contemporary female music acts. I went through Lana Del Ray, Ellie Golding and Lorde. The last one really impressed me. I was blown away like "if that's the future on music industry, I'm not worried". I like her album and her songs for the Hunger Games are just amazing. I've been thinking of watching it and I learned the 4th and final film was coming this November so I ended up watching the first film. It was good as expected but even thought it was rated PG-13 it was still really hard for me. No sense in keeping away from Skyrim and watching this. I really want to see the other parts but I don't think I'm ready for it.

I haven't updated tumbr in 4 days which might be a record, no matter how bad it was I never kept away for more than 1,5 days. But I don't feel like it now, it takes time and energy investment which I can't afford now. Besides, every time I get a little spirit in me it gets blown right away. Be it my own fault or having to pacify my newfound friends, I just end up feeling empty and alone every time. But I can take it, I can take everything.

@музыка: PJ Harvey - We Float

@темы: snapshot


Cry Baby

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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Melanie's album is finally out. I was waiting for it but with each new PV I realized it was not going to be what I expected. If Dollhouse was honest and dramatic and reminded me of Maria Mena, Carousel was really dark and actually was used for American Horror Story. Then there was Soap which is really depressing and Sippy Cup which is just outright creepy. I mean, I do like the album. It's very concept, if anything, too concept but it's really dark. And there's nothing that scares me more than cute little girls with heads full of dark creepy ideas. Also the explicit lyrics gave me an odd feeling. I know Melanie had a lot to learn from Marina but Electra Heart was a lot more subtle and elegant. But I suppose it's a form of therapy, getting all your dark past out of the way. At least she said it was all based on her own life.

Putting the lyrics aside, I think it's a rather solid album with a number of really nice catchy songs. I especially like Pity Party and Tag, You're It. Now that I listened to it properly though, I think I better stay away from it, at least at this point in my life. I do think Melanie is very talented and I hope that once she has this out of the way, she can grow and do more constructive music.

@темы: review


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
So today I had some TVXQ feels and watched some old live bits having my eargasm and thinking things were so much easier to appreciate when my favourite band could sing and dance. Then I remembered it's already September and then Yoochun should have already enlisted.

He did.

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And so in a way it's not a big deal coz I hardly check up on him these days but... it made me kinda sad. I'm gonna miss him. 2 years is not as long as it used to be before but it's still pretty long. Yoochunnie always had a special place in my heart.

Then, on a bright side I discovered this last JYJ event, which ended up being a very Yoosu event. A MemberSHIP Week indeed. And they did a number of dumb precious things including the pepero game which probably every new k-pop band did already but it's been 8 years since I strted shipping them and oh the feels...

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Come on, Su, you already kissed a bunch of random guys for the musical, show us how it's done.

@темы: Yoosu, Yoochunnie


I got a case of dokis...

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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The letter finally arrived ;; Not only is this the cutest letter I ever got, it's also the most touching one. ;; Full swing, it's full swing..... T_T

Also, I am now the proud owner of a Tegoshige set. My pretty babies ;;

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@темы: little treasures


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...

Brilliant video. I think she's getting even better with this.

@темы: issues


The band I love

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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@темы: NEWS.


Skyrim overhaul

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
When I decided to play Skyrim I got myself the smallest pack I could find with an outdated patch. I knew of extensive modding of course but I though at first I need to learn the game as it is. However, I had a feeling at some point I might delve into the dangerous world of moding and so it happened. Now I'm level 21 and learned the ropes, I decided it was time to go check out what the world has to offer. Of course I instantly came across some great gameplay mods but it turned out most mods are for new patches and I decided not to go there. Instead, I went into texture and armour sections. Textures are mostly harmless so I got a few prettifying packs for girls and boys. At first, it seemed weird how glamorous the girls looked, their skin all smooth but I decided to keep it, after all all the women of Skyrim look like they're 35 at the very least. The guys look good tho, no issue. Then, I really wanted to get some clothing because the game is really lacking in there but for that I first had to get a body mesh which I did. In the end, I got not a single new dress and just one armour. Though there's a lot of sexy clothing available, most of it is awfully skanky so for me there wasn't much choice, really.

At any rate, for now here's what Alana and Lydia look like:

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That is Seraphine armour which, what do you know, happens to be better defense that elven armour I had before.
So far I did have one crash at one point but hopefully it won't be persistent.

@темы: Games


TVXQ, blast from the past

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
So today I was watching John Oliver's video on Tensions in Korea and there was a part about SK blasting stuff from their speakers to NK including anti-NK propaganda and also K-pop. Then this happened...

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"Now they haven't said exactly what music they've been playing but I hope it's some of the better k-pop stuff. I'm talking 'Seoulight' by Neon Bunny, basically, anything by Uhm Jong Hwa, Jo Sung Mo's early stuff or maybe TVXQ, of course before Hero Jaejoong left because I think we all know that after that the whole band sound went to shit."

Thank you, John. That was unexpected and a tad Jaejoong-biased but thank you.

Also yesterday I watched Ode To My Father. A really powerful film. A bit too sentimental maybe like all Korean films and too drama packed but the setting mostly justifies it. I cried at least 3-4 times but it really leaves an impression. Amazing directing and camera work, I really love when present is mixed up with the past and scenes fade out one into another. One surprise though was seeing Yunho there. While I respect him as an artist, I don’t think he’s a good actor and, most importantly, his role was completely a Yama Pi role (yes, that’s a term now) and honestly felt really redundant but at least it made me smile among the tears.

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@темы: TVXQ, movies


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Tonight I had this very vivid dream where I met this boy who lived on my floor. He was like 5 but he was really smart and mature but troubled. And I tried so hard to look after him, to help him. It's really odd when you get attached to dream people probably generated by your own mind.

@темы: Dreams


Tolkien World

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
So few weeks ago I finally downloaded the last film in The Hobbit trilogy but since sister hasn't seen it and it's been pretty long anyway we decided to watch the first two films first. By the time we finished I thought, "Hey, it's been 14 years since the first LOTR film and it's chronologically a sequel to Hobbit and I got all films in blu-ray on my HD" so it makes perfect sense to watch them too so in the end we had this 2-week marathon.

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It was really a cool experience. I got to really appreciate both the work of Tolkien and all the hordes of people who created the magnificent if not entirely accurate films. I never read and of the books myself. I tried once but it was so detailed that I gave up. It might be for the best as I didn't have to compare the films to the books or it might have ruined it for me. But I watched and read stuff about Tolkien and was blown away by his vivid imagination and the ability to create a whole fucking world for many generations to come.

I'm currently playing Skyrim and now being able to compare the two worlds I realized just how much of the genre was created by Tolkien. I mean it's not just dwarfs and elves but dwarfs have heavy armor and axes of a certain shape and elves have light armour and use bows and magic. Or the fact that the basic classes of warrior/mage/thief are basically laid out in The Hobbit. Even stuff like giant spiders and crypts is all there, virtually unchanged in all the RPGs.

But apart from all that, I think one of the most important things Tolkien did was create a huge epic tale and put the world's destiny in the hands of not just brave mighty warriors but also small seemingly helpless creatures.

As for the movies, there are many high-budget cinema wonders that come out every year it's easy to overlook just how impressive a work has been done here. The great casting, the fantastic director's work, the beautiful armour and architecture and so much more. It's been a fun ride.

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Legolas might be cute, but Thranduil was fucking majestic~

@темы: movies


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Why Straight Men Have Sex With Each Other - really interesting article


@темы: the eternal debate


Orange is the New Black S3

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
OITNB continues to kick ass. Paola said it's rather light which you might say is true but there's so much to it, man. It's amazing how you don't even realize just how many characters there are until you see a new lead nearly every episode (omg Chang). And then you realize there are many more waiting for their stories to be told. And then of course there are familiar characters who develop amazingly and the most bizarre relationships form. I was really amazed by the odd friendship of Boo and Pennsatucky. Ruby Rose was such a sensation but she just ain't my thing, man. But Chapman... I identify with Chapman in an odd way. I admire her strength and survivability. For some reason I can also understand her quest for power and the urge to be taken seriously.

OITNB is that one series you never knew how badly you needed it until you saw it.

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@темы: series


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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Finally got my LE B from the post office. Kaguya collection=complete. Never could imagine it but I'm so glad. All thanks to human kindness and a little to my writing skills.

@темы: little treasures

The Diary of a Graphomaniac