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The Theory of Everything

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Had what was probably the most mind-blowing dream in my life. I don't remember much now but I'll still write in. The first image I remember perfectly clear is a house on the sea. It was quite by the sea as sea was splashing in our huge window, about 50 cm of it. I saw the room just as clear as I see my room now. I realized I was sleeping but I was holding on to the dream with all my might. The fact that our house was so dangerously placed scared me a little and sure enough water came rushing into the house, it didn't go far though, just about 50 cm of it.

Then something major happened but I don't quite remember. I think some people came and took me away. The was a woman, named Ingrid I think and she was really important to the story. She was probably my Trinity. But I remember we lived together for a while and we got close. (that part was totally the result of me following homolesbians yesterday) I remember craving for a cigarette. This arc is very unclear in my mind but the thing was I was one of the chosen people who could travel through the fabric of reality. But other worlds weren't unreal, they were just different. It was like interdimentional manholes. (that might have to do with my love for Planescape) I felt powerful. There was totally more action going on but it's all too fuzzy now to remember. Then I woke up. But I went back to sleep for a little more.

The plot changed a lot but the tone of the dream did not. I was on a roof of some chapel and in was covered with snow just as the ground below. I was contemplating these grand idea and I remember a number came and I learned it was a key to everything. It was akin to 0117 I I thought that the day now was Jan 17 and regretted not being good with math because then I might understand it all. It was The Theory of Everything (the term which comes from Alpha Centauri) Then a man came and he offered to accompany me down which I gratefully accepted. We went inside but it was like a crypt (though there was also this jewelry shop at pone point) and things kept happening to him. One time there was a fire, another he fell down from a collapse of a wall. And every time he sort of changed bodies and happened to get older until when we were close to exit he turned into an old man. I was scared he it was all my fault and that he wouldn't make it out alive. I'm not quite sure but I think we did in the end.

@темы: Dreams



I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo Booklet_0007a.jpg

At this point I'm really not expecting much so my impressions are very much genuine. Well, except I kinda prepare myself that the new song may suck. Which it often does but if it doesn't I'm in for a nice surprise. I basically don't expect good things.

First of all, I think the single was a really messy and a half-assed production. It was announced just a month before the release, there was hardly any promotion and the PV didn't come out until after the actual release date.

The song is... lame. Basically, when I heard the very idea of Indian-themed song I was weary. Kaguya is one thing but this dubious cultural appropriation, as they like to say in the West... It doesn't even sound Indian, more like Arabic or something. I really dislike the "pseudo-Hindi actually inverted Japanese" lyrics in the beginning. However, the instrumental actually sound pretty nice so in the case the lyrics ruined it for me. The rest of the songs on the single are also pretty decent.

The costumes... are bad. So bad. Well, apart from Tegoshi's which is odd because Massu's the worst, really. It's like he just got informed there was an Indian-themed party in an hour and he put on whatever he found in his closet.

The PV was unexpectedly good. I mean as much as it could be. I really liked the color scheme and the angles. I think the general atmosphere was similar to Kaguya but more refined and smooth. Of course Tegoshi's slutty faces were the main highlight for me. Shige also looked really fab. Massu was too amusing trying to be all cool and then cracking into a baby smile in a second. I don't mind the female dancers but their outfits looked more Arabian Nights than India. Not to mention a very blonde Polish girl. The male extras were dressed fairly appropriately but in the end if I had to assign a national identity to this PV it would probably be Turkey. But talking about the PV itself it was a really good job.

 photo chumchum10.gif

The lives so far were a mess, especially the choreography but the Tegoshige tide is strong so I don't really care.

@темы: NEWS.



I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Mother: Is that eyeshadow smudged under your eyes?
Me: No, mum, that's my actual face.


@темы: snapshot


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I had this beautiful dream today where I watched NEWS perform and they had these charming oufits on - corsets and frilly skirts. Also they had their hair up. Actually, I don't remember anyone but Tegoshi but he looked gorgeous. Then they had to change into Kaguya outfits (I think) really fast so while Koyashige managed it Massu totally did not and Tegoshi tried to change while the song already started. In the end though he gave up and Tegomass both just ended up on the floor laughing. It was great.

@темы: Dreams


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Had a very inappropriate dream about Elektra. I think Psylocke was somehow involved too. Now I have dirty thoughts every time they fight. Which was twice today.

@темы: Dreams


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo You-re-Beautiful.jpg

I was quite into Korean drama You’re Beautiful. It was corny as hell but actually good. Now you may know there was a Japanese adaptation in 2011 but it was… not to upset and Kismai fans out there… disappointing. And yesterday somehow I thought how cool it would be if Massu played the cute drummer. Then, I continued, Koyama would make the perfect sensible and kind guitarist. Now Shige did a great job playing an asshole once so he could totally do the role of lead singer. But that’s just three… WAIT. The the crossdressing girl. It’s perfect. If only my inspiration wasn’t a bitch I’d write it so hard, man.

@темы: NEWS., yes, I have too much free time on my hands


And the 300 Days Login Reward...

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo moonknight.jpg

...a new baby boy. Was that too creepy? Um, ok. Either way, it's Moon Knight and I'm very satisfied.

In other news...
запись создана: 23.05.2015 в 18:57

@темы: Games


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I'm feeling rather good today. The pressure of yesterday is gone but the joy of being supported lingers. I wasn't really expecting much because of last year but I was greeted by a lot of people. From tumblr, LJ and other I got up to 20 greetings, about 5 actual posts, plus some people left likes on my congratulatory posts. And it really made all the difference. Though the notes on my posts are still on the low, I know there are quite a few people who care. After all, being important in a fandom was something I've been longing for for years and now finally I feel admired and appreciated. I am very touched.

@темы: snapshot


a realistic birthday card

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Happy Birthday, me!

I hope this year won’t suck as much as most and you don’t feel like shit at least half the time. I wish you find a job you don’t hate and that doesn’t make you feel like a maggot and have enough money to pay the bills and provide for your basic needs. Maybe you’ll find a few people you can tolerate and have at least a few occasions good enough to wear a dress or at least travel beyond the few blocks next to your house. Take care and try not to wallow in self pity too often!

Love, me. :heart:


Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Finally done with Season 2. 44 episodes, 33 hours. I have much to say.

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I knew about the series for awhile but wasn't that interested. But then I watched the one-shots and it seemed interesting enough. Well, it was. Especially after a season of 2 Broke Girls (I mean it was borderline funny and obscene but at season 2 it got very gross very quickly).

Anyway, it's been a fast and intense ride. Overall, it was pretty good but I'm still not sure it was a good idea. Unlike the PG-13 rated Marvel movies the series are a lot more fucked up and violent, even if justifiably so. Then again, Marvel sucked me in so deep I probably would have ended up watching it sooner or later anyway. Overall, I think the plot was too twisted and complicated, it was hard to keep up with. There were also many disturbing things in it.

About halfway through Season 1 I thought "Well, the plot might be lacking but at least the relationships are interesting." But after a few episodes it became clear it is very predictable after all. I was interested in Mei and Ward's intrigue but in the end it ended up as just a fuel for their future fights. "You never topped" and all. May is the best. Possibly the coolest badass female character ever. As for Coulson, I liked him in earlier films, he seemed a bit of a simpleton and a Cap fanboy but in this series I had difficulty with how they developed his character, in Season 1 he seemed way too emotional and impulsive. Skye, on the contrary, developed well. At first I disliked her but by the end of Season 1 she won my sympathy. A little.


@темы: series, Marvel


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
The saddest thing with friends is that you may think it’s all good but you never know when you fall apart.

You may have a good friend who’s incredibly nice to you for years and is one of the nicest people you know but then at one point it happens that you disagree on something important and all hell breaks loose and suddenly they throw angry insults at you...

You may have a person whose life you have changed and who you see as an ally while one day they suddenly claim they hate you you refuse to even explain why...

You may have a person who is really fucked up but closer to you than anyone and who you’re willing to really sacrifice a lot for no matter how much they hurt you but in the end realizing they were dragging you down and destroying you from the inside...

You may have a person who you don’t like all that much but who keeps supporting you in the hard times and gives you new hope but they leave one day, moving on with their lives where there’s no space for you anymore...

I have no friends. Not anymore.

@темы: musings


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I know you hate me, Life, but thank you for this day.

@темы: snapshot


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Finally gathered the balls and called the internet guys to change our outdated modem and now.... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Some tests give show as much as 40 mbps.

 photo internetwooo.jpg

At least something good happened today. :heart: Pinch me, I'm dreaming.

Upd: I should have known good things don't happen to me. Speed is back to normal. Fuck you too, Volia.

@темы: PC


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I have expanded my mind and now I no longer think the WHITE album is terrible. It's actually kinda fun. My consciousness has passed some great threshold, I can tell.

@темы: musings, NEWS.


Of Sprites and Polaroids: an inside view

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
It is over now. It's been 15 month almost but I did it. However, I don't feel the slightest joy or even relief. I'd like to think the time is the only one to blame here. Maybe that's the downside of any long story - by the time you write and edit it and polish ever word you lost the last drop of excitement that fueled you to write it. It's a scary and familiar feeling - putting your heart into something and watch it lie there as people pass it by. Of course, I regret nothing and I am proud of my work. But I very much doubt I can ever do anything like this again, anything so big.

When I began to write my writing seemed like just a patchwork of someone else's ideas. Now I think that imitation is unavoidable but it doesn't mean that the creation does not mean anything or doesn't belong to you. Looking back though, I got inspiration from so many places... Bad Reputation and other college fics, Love Rain, Fujoshi Kanojo, Taiikukan Baby, a bit of Cather in the Rye, maybe even a glimpse of my favourite book and of course some very painful personal experiences. But I only used them as references and nobody would be able to trace them back even if they tried. This story is mine. Very much mine. It would not be an overstatement to say that it's one of my biggest achievements.

I did the masterpost complete with the trailer and all the artwork, all like I planned but I hesitated for awhile since there's still one picture that beckons me to write some more, an epilogue. Yet, now I feel so cold inside I can't even begin to write down even the little image that I have.

@темы: fanfix


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Update. Life is still shit. I live off of Marina & the Diamonds, Marvel Heroes, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Tegoshige.

 photo rocket.jpg

@темы: snapshot


Private Kim

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Achieved the second highest total score among the whole camp, ranking the first in the shooting and the grenade sections, and the 15th in the running task (among 224 trainees), not to mention that he was the Soldier No.1 that led all the trainees during the training.

 photo 2015.05.07 1.jpg photo 2015.05.07 2.jpg photo 2015.05.07 3.jpg

Time flew fast but this warms my heart. He looks so different than 5 weeks ago, so much stronger. After all, you're amazing, Jae.

@музыка: Marina and the Diamonds - Weeds

@темы: Jaejoong


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Guess I gave out way too many fucks yesterday coz now I clearly ran out. Fuck the reports and everything else, gonna go to Marvel Heroes and try to unlock some more Achievements, those shall be the only ones in my life in the foreseeable future.

@темы: snapshot


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Damn, I spent a whole week praying for rain or at least clouds because I couldn’t revise and post the 4th chapter in the fucking perfect weather wit the birds singing. And every day they promised rain it never came. Today it’s only somewhat cloudy but I had to work with that. Watched a sad scene from a film, put some sad music on and made myself depressed. I did so well I cried on the last scene. Good fucking job. I’m crazy, I swear. At least it is done.

Ugh, gonna go and post some cute Koyama and get myself undepressed.

@темы: fanfix


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Ok, I just need to get this off my chest. I never really read the lyrics for all songs the sake of my own sanity. There are too many and I don’t really care or I don’t want to know. I mean I can tell some songs are dirty but I don’t want to examine them in depth. But like the other day I read lyrics to Bambina (someone to blame here) and I was like “No way. He did NOT.” And I’m still traumatized. And then there’s Chankapana which is a song I have a lot of issues with because I like to listen to it and it’s catchy in a good way but I can not for the life of me understand why the hell it’s dedicated to fans and some lyrics I only realized recently like “Wait. Did he just... OH.” The “he” being Tegoshi, of course.

What’s even more weird is how this is contrasting to them being embarrassed about the normalest things. Singing about fucking someone hard and then being all squirmish when your bandmate of 12 years holds your hand or even just from looking at him at close distance. Seriously? I will never ever get these guys, I swear.

@темы: NEWS.

The Diary of a Graphomaniac