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Family tweets...

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I hate birthdays. It's enough that I have to suffer through my own, I have to tolerate someone else's now too.
All the preparations and people are making me dizzy. I just wanna play Skyrim and translate questionable articles.
Family gatherings are the worst. The only way I can survive them is by turning on my top sarcastic humour. Not everyone appreciates it.
I was landing critical hits in dark humour when my sister said "You are mean" and it she was dead serious so I just stopped talking.
The only good part was switching my attention to father's 12 y.o.son. We had a nice chat, talked about gaming and played Pocket Tanks.

@темы: family



I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
One of the good things that happened this week is this. My sister's been using Duolingo lately and I thought it was a good idea but they didn't have a Japanese course. I was so desperate I contributed to Google Translator but the solution came - I came across memrise. This site doesn’t have one full course, it has many small ones and most of them are for beginners but I can use some revising kanji and extra vocabulary. I tried many courses and they aren't perfect but I have selected 3: JLPT 4 vocab, JLPT kanji and one for adjectives. At first I honestly tried a JLPT 2 course but if there's one thing I learned about learning is that it's better to revise the simple things and make sure you filled all the blanks before moving on to harder levels. It's not like I'm in a hurry anyway. Of course, this practice can't make you talk but it really helps to strengthen the vocabulary and learn kanji and that's something you can't learn passively.

Moreover, the site isn't just for learning languages, there are courses in history, art and science. I shall indulge myself, but not too much.

@темы: 勉強


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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@темы: Birthday


List of Faves

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Simple as it is, I've never done such a list and I think I should make one. It wasn't easy. Nothing with me ever is. I had to decided on which media I enjoy and which I truly love. It was the hardest with the movies. They are all so different and made it to the list for very different reasons: some really impressed me, some were healing and some simply very enjoyable. I initially made 3 different categories for movies but in the end I removed them because it's just dumb. It's gonna be what it's gonna be. I didn't put music yet either. I'm afraid to even go there.


This category includes very different films from the heavy serious films that really left a strong impression to light-hearted ones I can re-watch forever. I'll just list them from hard to soft.

Fight Club
The Legend Of 1900
Castaway on the Moon
The Hunger Games
Kagen no Tsuki
Ashita no Watashi no Tsukurikata
Were The World Mine
Easy A


TV SERIES (Western)

Very like
Dark Angel
Queer as Folk
Halt and Catch Fire

Quite like
Peter Benchley's Amazon
Agent Carter
Masters of Sex
The Big Bang Theory
The Good Wife
Orange is the New Black
The Real O'Neils


IS: Otoko Demo Onna Demo Nai Sei
Kimi Wa Petto
Home Drama
3 nen B gumi Kinpachi Sensei
Ie Ga Tooi


Sims 3
Marvel Heroes
Planescape - Torment
Drakensang (both)
Alpha Centauri
Heroes of Might & Magic
Fallout 2


Weiss Kreuz

I would also like to note interest in huge franchises such as LOTR, Harry Potter and The Hunger Games but my interest in them never went further than the movies. There's also the Marvel fandom that I'm quite into but I can't really consider myself a fan since my knowledge is pretty much limited to Marvel Cinematic and Marvel Heroes.

@темы: list



I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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I pretty much proposed this drama for my mum to have something to watch. She already watched the Sensitive Coupe or whatever the heck it's called but I ignored it. Well, I didn't even try because of the grim start but I'm pretty sure I'd drop it anyway. This time, however, I got genuinely engaged and watched it from start to end. I'm now going to talk about why.

I almost gave up on Korean dramas for a few reasons. Usually, 16 full episodes is way too much to carry out a solid plot and even some decent plots often start to fail miserably about halfway through but here it didn't happen. Of course, some plot lines and twists were somewhat strained but there weren't any that made my want to hit my head against the wall. Though this is not a genre I'm interested in, I quite enjoyed it and hats off to the writer for being able to hold such a long and complex scenario for so long.

The actors and the characters were also pretty good. You could never be sure who's gonna turn out to be a traitor and things were never black and white which meant a certain level of character complexity. The drama even passes a Bechdel test despite only having 2 major female characters. Speaking of which, it's a rare one for me to actually like both of them. Park Ha Sun especially might even be my favourite female character in a Korean drama so far. She's very attractive and charismatic, capable without being clumsy and just really likeable. To be honest, it's the first time I'm disappointed the romantic plot line was never developed. And, of course, there's Yoochunnie. I've seen him in quite a few roles but so far I think this was one of the most complex ones. He really was brilliant in a way that you wouldn't praise him precisely because his acting is so natural.

It also helped that it was voiced over by Alliance and not GreenTea and they got a semi-professional team and do a really good job.

Of course, the drama has its flaws and they totally ruined the last episode but still I think it's a very solid one.

@темы: dorama


Masters of Sex S03

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
 photo Masters.of.Sex.S03E09.XviD.Amedia.qqss44.avi_snapshot_14.13_2015.10.23_18.33.00.jpg photo Masters.of.Sex.S03E02.XviD.Amedia.qqss44.avi_snapshot_19.12_2015.09.10_17.06.39.jpg photo Masters.of.Sex.S03E09.XviD.Amedia.qqss44.avi_snapshot_20.42_2015.10.23_18.41.41.jpg photo Masters.of.Sex.S03E09.XviD.Amedia.qqss4404686919-12-43.jpg photo Masters.of.Sex.S03E11.XviD.Amedia.qqss44.avi_snapshot_38.09_2015.10.29_14.42.24.jpg

Season 3 has been considerably weaker than the first two. Of course, it had its moments but overall it was a mess. The storylines multiplied and tangled and tore. By the time of last episode I was worried because it was clear there's no way to tie up all the loose ends but it was even a bigger mess that expected.

Betty is still my favourite character, she made this whole season much more bearable. Bill is still the hypocritical pathetic piece of shit. I don't care for his pathetic attempts to fix things, his every move was still dictated by selfishness and fear. I have a great admiration for Libby but Virginia... I want to love her but can't because of her ultimate commitment to Bill. This isn't love, this is some kind of Stockholm syndrome. So maybe Ethan wasn't quite the right fit (though I still think he was worth a shot) but Dan is basically a perfect man, what the actual fuck?

Speaking of Dan, it felt like the writers received a lot of criticism for the lack of positive white male characters so they made two that were almost to perfect. Dan Logan isn't really a character, he's a picture perfect. Nora is also not a convincing character, you can tell something is off with her from the moment she appears but I'd never imagine it's be so bland.

I was hoping to feel some sort of relief from finishing the season but I got none. I was expecting them to get married by now but it's still nowhere near that. To be honest, I'm not sure if I can take another season of watching this pathetic fuck of a doctor and this amazing woman stupidly whipped by him.

@темы: series


2015.10.29 JYJ at 2015 Korean Popular Culture and Arts Awards

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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I was looking forward to seeing them together but this was not what I expected. They look fine, that is good, but they don’t seem to be even the slightest bit excited. I don’t even care about the performance, I just want to see them smile. Jae looked so sad in all the pictures and it bothers me. I might be dramatizing but watching them for so many years I really feel like the shit they’ve been through has taken a part of their souls, they’ve come such a long way from the naive pure kids I fell in love with.

@темы: JYJ



I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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I've been contemplating whether I should watch it for awhile now but then since there will hardly be another one in the next 2-3 years I thought I might as well. It's not like I can get any more disappointed than I already am. Or can I?

Unsurprisingly, I have very very mixed feelings about it. The first hour was overall fairly good. A couple of new songs which I never heard before since I ignored their last album, actually turned out to be good, Yoochun surprisingly hasn't lost all of his voice and the whole production was fairly well. Of course, it was half-solos but that was expected by now. Junsu was fucking amazing as usual and I was just enjoying Yoochun's old sleaze look when "I love you" happened and killed by mood flat. Seriously, I will never get over it, it's the most disappointing live performance I've ever seen. Yoochun though looked so uninterested in the whole thing like he couldn't care less if the dancers were naked. I don't know, maybe it's just me but he just really doesn't look like he's enjoying it anymore. He used to be so passionate about music, so pure and emotional. If just feels like a part of him died with TVXQ.

Other points:

- Jaejoong's still trying to pull his skinny 70's rocker look. Those stupid leather pants, that golden microphone. Baby, you're not supposed to do it after 27, it's faux pas. On the good side, yay for sparkly armpits!

- Junus's stylist is doing a God's work, honestly. His outfits are so good.

- Yoochun during the jumping part looked like Dad trying to do aerobics.

- I still think k-pop is basically superior to j-pop in most ways including choreography, outfits and overall style but there's one thing that totally ruins it for me - vulgarity.

Overall, they sounded a lot better than I expected and the setlist was pretty good but still, it feels like this band is as good as over. Even though they're all very close and that's hardly going to change, on stage there's no harmony between them. If I were to say it now: I love Junsu, Jae and Yoochun but I don't love JYJ.

@темы: JYJ, Concerts


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
I had this dream today where it was sort of like an A9 fanmeeting but a very small one - there were just 4 of us girls and we were on my living room sofa. Anyway, I just remember Shou was right there and for some reason he wanted he give us a hug in a completely innocent way and he hugged this girl next to me first, then all 4 of us at once. He felt just as soft and comforting as I imagined.

@темы: Dreams


Harry Potter

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Finally watched the last two films and now it's all done.

 photo HP8.jpg

The last film was different from how I imagined it somehow. I can't even tell why exactly. Partly because I knew some major spoilers and had some vague idea based on them but the whole picture turned out to be very different. Like, some of the deaths were only mentioned briefly and some happened differently to how I expected so my emotional response was off. Oddly enough, I didn't cry once. Instead, my body got rigid and shook uncontrollably so I had to stop it to get a grip on myself. However, it still wasn't as epic as I expected to.

Overall, I think HP is a really good series with not just solid plot and but also varied interesting characters and complex relationships (I love Harry and Hermione's friendship). I did like Snape as a character and I understand why he is popular but the extent to which he is obsessed over is just plain creepy. Anyway, I have a ton of respect for Ms. Rowling for creating this big complex world and guiding her audience through it. Starting with a rather simple story for kids, the narrative got increasingly deeper and darker, touching upon social issues and moral dilemmas and using grotesque examples to deliver strong messages and pose important questions.

The thing I love the most about the whole thing is the way nothing is quite black and white here, even though it may seem that way. The Snape narrative really turned the whole story on its head. I felt like the film didn't relay that too well, it all went on too fast. But it was really a power move. I also understand the appeal of Drako (but shipping? nope). I didn't really like the little epilogue at the end though. It looked way too sentimental.

Apart from the HP itself, I have also unintentionally watched the main cast kids grow into wonderful young adults and I'm glad the younger generation has such great role models.

All in all, it's been a good journey and I can understand why people would be into it but for me it ends here. I therefore proclaim myself a HP initiate and hereafter take the right to use HP jokes.

@темы: movies


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
So not long ago I decided if I went into epic film series, I might as well finally finish Harry Potter. I never watched the last couple of films because the people I knew who were HP fans were devastated when the books came out. I avoided it long enough so I though it was time. I still have 2 films to go but today I watched the Half-Blood Prince and the thing is it was really weird... I thought I haven't seen it but also I am sure I saw some parts of it while others I can't remember at all. It's not even that old, I normally remember films well so it's weird. Also this film is very different from all the ones before it even though David Yates directed the previous one too. It's very odd and chaotic somehow and it gave me creeps. Something about it feels very wrong. If it happened that the younger me saw it and decided not to go on, well, I can understand that. But this time I guess I have to go on.

@темы: movies


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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I just need this here.

@темы: my!gif, TegoShige



I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Things were hard for me lately but it's the hardship that push me forward. I finally went to meet with Z. and it didn't go as I expected but still it brought much hope to me. At least I know I have nothing to fear now and the signs are good. "Don't try," he said. "Do it."

@темы: myself


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
In the end, it's always the hate that gets to you, not sympathy. Another breakdown, another hiatus. It's been almost 2 years, the critical mass of a fandom's total weight. This really was my last hope but no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I try to please everyone it's just no use. When time spent off begins to get close to the time spent on, the end is near.

@темы: fandom


paana playground giveaway 12 [news 12th anniversary] - 2nd prize

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Bias: let's go with Shige
12 reasons I love NEWS:

- their looks. If you deny it, you're lying. They're ridiculously attractive and charming.
- their personalities. I never liked any other JE band or member but NEWS really captured my heart fast. They're all weird interesting people.
- they give me more reasons to smile, they entertain me and encourage me. They did not save my life but they really help me move forward and grow.
- their teamwork. I love the way they really function well together and compliment each other.
- the way they really put a lot of thought into their work, especially concerts and have a lot of control over their activities.
- their honesty, maybe even too much honesty sometimes.
- their approachability, they're very down-to-earth and easy to sympathize with.
- as an avid shipper, it would be hypocritical if I don't say I enjoy all the member ai. All pairings are lovable but one of them is really special to me and allowed me to write stories I always wanted to write.
- their fans are really nice and that says something about the band. The fandom is very warm and supportive.
- Massu's fashion style. He sometimes has the weirdest outfits and accessories but he somehow makes them work.
- Tegoshi's fluid gender and sexuality. I like interesting people, people with contradictions and he probably tops my list in the latter.
- Shige's integrity and courage to say the things he believes in and write books about important things even if it might impact his image as an idol.

Okay, that was oddly hard.

@темы: NEWS.


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
Got a postcard and the photobook from Ann. I never got anything from Australia before. They're both really pretty too. I feel so loved~ :heart:

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@темы: little treasures


Yellow Flicker Beat

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...

In love with the song and the movies.

@темы: video


I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
It's been a really tough couple of days. The teeth aching and the stomach and all the feelings messed up so bad... A few nights were agonizing but it's a little better now. Yesterday I finally went and got that problematic nerve removed. It was terrifying but pretty fast. It still aches now but I only hope that's just the leftover pain and it'll pass. I also made that other important call but I will have to wait a few weeks for the appointment. I'm also still doing the TS processing. I think I might have some results already but it's not going easy, nothing with me ever is it seems. It will probably take at least another month. Also sending my 3rd test assignment for l'official even if the chance is slim. At any rate, I'm proud of myself.

I had to give up on Skyrim for now. Meanwhile, I've been keeping myself busy with continuing my course of contemporary female music acts. I went through Lana Del Ray, Ellie Golding and Lorde. The last one really impressed me. I was blown away like "if that's the future on music industry, I'm not worried". I like her album and her songs for the Hunger Games are just amazing. I've been thinking of watching it and I learned the 4th and final film was coming this November so I ended up watching the first film. It was good as expected but even thought it was rated PG-13 it was still really hard for me. No sense in keeping away from Skyrim and watching this. I really want to see the other parts but I don't think I'm ready for it.

I haven't updated tumbr in 4 days which might be a record, no matter how bad it was I never kept away for more than 1,5 days. But I don't feel like it now, it takes time and energy investment which I can't afford now. Besides, every time I get a little spirit in me it gets blown right away. Be it my own fault or having to pacify my newfound friends, I just end up feeling empty and alone every time. But I can take it, I can take everything.

@музыка: PJ Harvey - We Float

@темы: snapshot


Cry Baby

I don’t wanna feel Blue anymore...
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Melanie's album is finally out. I was waiting for it but with each new PV I realized it was not going to be what I expected. If Dollhouse was honest and dramatic and reminded me of Maria Mena, Carousel was really dark and actually was used for American Horror Story. Then there was Soap which is really depressing and Sippy Cup which is just outright creepy. I mean, I do like the album. It's very concept, if anything, too concept but it's really dark. And there's nothing that scares me more than cute little girls with heads full of dark creepy ideas. Also the explicit lyrics gave me an odd feeling. I know Melanie had a lot to learn from Marina but Electra Heart was a lot more subtle and elegant. But I suppose it's a form of therapy, getting all your dark past out of the way. At least she said it was all based on her own life.

Putting the lyrics aside, I think it's a rather solid album with a number of really nice catchy songs. I especially like Pity Party and Tag, You're It. Now that I listened to it properly though, I think I better stay away from it, at least at this point in my life. I do think Melanie is very talented and I hope that once she has this out of the way, she can grow and do more constructive music.

@темы: review

The Diary of a Graphomaniac